He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

How are you splitting all the bills grocery/utility/broadband etc

I'm going to be quite harsh here so if you don't want to read move on.
Why the fuck have you come onto mumsnet to ask this stupid question?
Why haven't you thrown this moronic, controlling cocklodger out already?
Are you so desperate to have a man, any man, in your life that you will put up with this guy living in your home for free and throwing his weight around. Is there something wrong with you mentally?
So what is more important? Your mother, your children, your self respect, or him.
For God's sake go and see a therapist. You really do need to. But throw this idiot out of your house first. You can find men like this on any street corner hanging around waiting for some desperate fool to take them home.
I've heard it all now.

What does he contribute? On the face of it, I can’t see why you’d let him stay let alone consider moving your mum out.

genuinely, what is he bringing to the family?

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

Yes YABU for leaving it like it is. No he doesn't need to get used to it.
You need to tell him to leave
Your mum will have picked up on this and no man is worth upsetting your mum

Is it that hard to understand that how someone THINKS something will be when they are asked to move in can be different to the reality?

No, but it's hard to understand why any decent person's reaction wouldn't be "OK, can't do it, I'll go back to how I was before" rather than "Well I'll keep the living costs subsidy, the cook and the washer woman but the one who doesn't facilitate me needs to go!"

Just out of interest OP, when was the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers?

He knew what he was getting into, he sounds very mean.

Do you have a good relationship with him?

It's obvious, his intention all along was get your DM out and take over.

Most men who want to act like they own the place do at least own the place!

I am gobsmacked by the posters on here who seem to think this man has at least some reason to be upset.

He's not paying any meaningful contribution to bills.

The mum was there long before him, and it worked well. He was also well aware of this. We wouldn't tell someone to kick their 16 year old because her new man doesn't like living with a teenager so why would she kick her mum out? Obviously, it would be totally different if they were living together and THEN she wanted Mum to move in.

I don't blame him for not liking it, but I am completely lacking in sympathy that he thinks he can just change things.

I have one rule with regards to relationships. No man moves into the home I own. I dont date anyone who doesn't have his own home, his own good job and his own pension. .
I don't house losers.

You'd think, but not according to the many women who post on MN who have a cocklodger move in and try to take over.

This

He sounds manipulative and controlling. Red flags all
over this. Cock Lodger Extraordinaire.

Good point.

If he doesn’t like it he should leave, not my mum.

You should kick him out regardless. You really want your Mum to live with a man who wants her gone. The atmosphere will be intolerable.

Same.

I don't believe a word of this story.

No one is this wet.

I put yabu only because you said to let him get used to it when actually I’d be kicking him to the kerb. How rude of him to not eat if she cooks and to treat your mum like this. You say the house is yours and you pay all the expenses too. He would be gone. The absolute audacity of him.

Well I think you’re all very unreasonable. It’s very clear what needs to happen here;

1. Get rid of your Mum, care home, live on the streets, does it matter . Just get rid.
2. put your children up for adoption
3. Ensure that your lord & master is happy at all times. Have his slippers warmed before he arrives home from his very stressful office job
4. Sign all your goods & property over to him.

Well, OP, the general consensus here is that he should leave and you seem to agree. Do you have a plan to physically get him out of your house?

As is often the case on here, the first post nailed it.

Kick this knobhead out of YOUR house.

He needs to move out. Last in, first out.
If she’s been a good mother you will never forgive yourself for allowing a man to decide she has outgrown her purpose and needs to go.

I'd love to have a jolly, kind mum who enjoyed tea parties with her friends!

OP he just sounds controlling and surly. Why aren't you letting him help with the housework as well? I'd rather be single...

Do the children even like him?

Can you just tell us how much he pays per month and what he gets for that?

How does your mum feel with all these hostilities in the house?