He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

Kick him out! Next time he will say to get rid off your kids!

Oh and just incase you hadn’t twigged, he is exhibiting controlling behaviour which is a huge, flappy red flag.

Is this a joke? This is a poor specimen man. Get rid.

You are wondering why he moved in? Because he was going to live for virtually nothing (when there's a cost-of-living crisis) and you were going to do all the cleaning and tidying.

I'm beginning to think this can't be real, OP - nobody could be that stupid. Can you not see that if he managed to get your mum kicked out, he'd start on your children?

Besides, how many elderly women have so many friends at the house that are still there when he comes in from work?

There's no need for discussion. He was made aware of the arrangements, accepted them and now doesn't like them. So his options are to put up and shut up, or go back to how he was living before. Not to try to force control over the two women who had their own arrangement before him, one of whom actually owns the house.

Obviously we've got the "if the sexes were reveeeeeersed" whiners on here, but they've got it arse about face: he'd never move into a house of men, including the homeowner, and think he could just start kicking them out and bullying them into submission to suit him while they cook and clean for him.

He's trying to take your house and your money.

My friend had one, she got rid of him real quick.

Mums before Bums.

Honestly he needs to go, ain't nobody got time for that shit!

What's he going to do when your DC are teens and bringing friends/boyfriends/girlfriends home to hang out?

ALL adults have a say in the household, my 16 year old even has a say in our house (within reason).

Kick him out.

@Areyouhavingabubble2 do you not feel protective about your mum when he's nasty to her?

Not to try to force control over the two women who had their own arrangement before him, one of whom actually owns the house.

He clearly sees himself as Alpha Male and all the wimmin shall hence forth bend to his will.

He would be out so fast his arse wouldn't touch the floor
No way would he be treating my mum like that
One day you won't have her and you will regret allowing someone behave like that to her if you don't deal with it.

Today your mum, next your kids...kick him out

Controlling dick. Move him out asap. God I’m angry just reading this!

OP, Is there a particular reason why you are ignoring everyone saying that he needs to move out?

The problem is incredibly clear, and it seems like you are doing everything possible to ignore it.

Are you concerned for safety in regards to how he will react if you ask this very unpleasant man to move back out?

There are various links on this site that you can search for , for guidance on how to get someone to move out of your home.

You are being very unreasonable by keeping this man in your home.

Kick him out, otherwise things will only get worse.

Not speaking to your Mum? He'd have been gone by the time it took me to write a post.

First your mother then he will be asking him to kick your own children out as they get older. He’s a cocklodger boot him out . I can’t believe you need to ask

it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

This says it all. He wants control.
Do NOT marry him or engage in joint financials. Kick him out.

Personally I wouldn't want to give up a life living alone, being independent in my house to move in with someone else who was living with their mother plus young children. (If the roles were reversed I am sure many women wouldnt jump for joy at the idea of living with their MIL) It means sharing all the decision making with two other people and sharing space with 5 (and children usually take priority). So I wouldn't do that. It would be perfectly reasonable for him to say he finds it difficult sharing a household with that many adults and to go back to living separately as a couple. Its completely unreasonable for him to say he wants your mother to move out or to blame her when he is the new element.

He says he thinks it should be you and him making the decisions but really it sounds like he thinks it should be him.

I think deep down you know the answer to your own question. He knew what he was signing up for and now he's worked his way in he's trying to call all the shots.

Saying you and him need to make the decision and not mum is a joke! He doesn't pay, not his house, not his mum nor his kids then not his decision. It's your decision and you should do what your gut tells you, if it makes it easier write a pros and cons list sometimes seeing it written down makes it easier to decide.

In my opinion he's a waste of space but I'm making that judgement on limited info.

Can’t believe what I’ve read. You are allowing him to be rude to your mum, sulking and not eating her food. How you find that attractive I have no idea😳. I would have him out on his ear in a second. Your mum must be so confused/disappointed why you are enabling this shit to occur. I would be.

Well, that's not really the issue here, is it?

He sounds JUST AWFUL. Your poor mum. I bet your kids would rather she stayed than him.

I’d say put the brakes on TBH, and be clear with him that she’s staying and she’s welcome to behave as she has for the last 8 years. If he can’t handle that and behave nicely, like not ignoring your mum and being civil then he should get his own place and you can see him there though I wouldn’t bother as he sounds like a tyrant.

Oh and stop with all the bloody cooking and cleaning for him, this should be shared as you’re not his housekeeper.

He'd already be gone if it was my house
He knew the deal when he moved in your kids and mum come first without doubt

Also, who’s next if he gets his way - by trying to make it uncomfortable for your mum so she leaves (as that’s what he’s doing combined with a tantrum). Is it your kids next once he’s dealt with your mum! Bloody hell. Give your head a really big shake.

Kick him out. He knew your living situation. He sounds vile.

"Nice try, sunshine. Now, please pack your bags and find some other poor soul to sponge off."