He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

@Areyouhavingabubble2

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

Surely, OP, the actual answer is to tell him to pack his bags and leave now? Surely this is a no brainer?

Now he's moved into YOUR house which you are financially responsible for, he's got his feet under your table and he thinks he can start ordering everyone about? Get him gone.

I bet your poor mother is feeling very in the way now, poor woman. 🌹

What is wrong with you? Kick this bastard out and apologise to your mum and children for inflicting him on them.

I'd be kicking him out. He sounds like he's seriously lacking in respect.

I’m sure we’ve all committed to something in the past that we thought we could manage but it turned out so much harder than we envisaged.

Then he can go back to how he was living before.

I’m not sure there are all that many men that would accept this situation long term

He doesn't need to. He can fuck off back to where he was living before, pay full rent and wash his own pants. Why on earth are you taking this ridiculous angle?

and certainly if the roles were reversed there would be more sympathy for the woman

Ohhh, that's why. I should have known.

Time for him to move out! What a horrible man, your mum must feel so uncomfortable with him around. I wouldn’t have him under my roof for one more night, treating my mother like that. Goodness knows who would be next on his target list. Probably one of your kids.

Off he needs to fuck.

He needs to go.

What a horrible man he is. So he plays nice, gets to move into YOUR house with your family (knowing fine well what the situation was) and even manages to get you to do his cooking and cleaning so it’s easier for HIM and now he thinks he gets to dictate who lives there and who gets to visit. If you make your mother move out, next it will be your kids and controlling your friendships, wanting his name on the deeds. He is controlling and he will gradually break you down. He’s shown you who he really is - believe him! Kick him out!

What are you actually getting out of this?

I'm with everyone else here! Why aren't you kicking HIM out?

You and your mum seem like you have a great system going! He needs to accept that or leave!

He seems to think it’s unreasonable to make decisions myself as it’s now also his home and he should be able to make decisions

He’s not just a cocklodger, he’s a cuckoo in your nest, OP. As PPs have said, once he’s pushed your poor mum out, he’ll shove DC out as soon as possible.

Regain your own home by kicking him out, OP. Actually your friendly, sociable Mum sounds much better company than him!

I voted YABU but only because it's unreasonable to ask whether things should stay as they are or if things should be the way he says. It should be neither!

What a pillock, thinking he can call the shots.

He will be kicking out your kids next. I find it really outrageous and hope he has been contributing enough financially while he is living under your roof?

I'd be quite hurt if someone was rejecting my food presuming it's something he likes and can eat.

It sounds like a harmonious household before he moved in.

I don't understand why you haven't thrown him out already.

He sounds like a horrible man and you are allowing him to be rude and horrible to your mum.

I'm so shocked by this thread - by the initial post and the OP's replies. There clearly aren't issues between you and your mother if you were living together before this man came onto the scene, so how can you possibly be even asking the question about whether you're being unreasonable to expect the living conditions to stay as they are? Your poor mother deserves much better than to suddenly have her life disrupted by your boyfriend. It sounds as though he is making life very unpleasant for her. How can you stand back and let him treat your mother like this?

You question why he moved in?

Because it costs less, someone else does his cleaning and he gets free sex?

How much is he paying out each month to you. How compared to what he paid living alone?

What does your mum think of him?

Are you serious? If the O|P had moved in with a man and his mother then people wouldn't say she needed to grow up; they'd say she needed to move out if she wasn't happy.

I think two possibilities behind him moving in. He really wanted to live with you and thought he could cope and found out he can't. But then at best he cant communicate with you, because the issues should be being discussed not dictated.
The other is he's a cock lodger and hoped once he had you hooked he could get your mum out of the house. Maybe he think's he has enough control now to make you do what he wants.

Show him the door, what a nasty man.

I question why he moved in too.

Are you serious, @Areyouhavingabubble2 ?

So he has moved in, it hasn’t worked out unfortunately, so now he needs to leave. What’s his set up with his own home. Rented out?

I’d be packing his bags for him, frankly.

How did he come to live with you without paying anything towards his keep?

How did it come about that he doesn't do any chores or housework?

It's pretty clear, he thought he had a sweet little deal moving in - no rent or bills, food and cleaning provided - but that's not enough, he wants to call the shots on who lives there as well. Fuck that.

PP are right, if you moved your mum out I bet fairly soon he'd start on whether your kids can have friends around, how much noise and mess they can make etc.

He doesn't want to be part of your family, he wants a free house with sex and a housemaid thrown in.