To think this was inappropriate?

[NoCoat]

We’ve just had someone come up to us as we’re getting our 2 year old into the car to be told that we need to think of our child as it is -5 degrees (it’s actually 3 degrees but not really the point) and they’re not wearing a coat or socks and she is a social worker and couldn’t not say something… we have literally just come out of a warm shopping centre and their shoes and coat are clearly under the pram and they had a blanket that they have put behind them. I thought you were supposed to put children in the car seat without coats on anyway??

I don't understand what people think will happen to children without socks on for a couple of minutes or even longer. They might get cold feet and then their feet will warm up again? It's not like they're going to get frostbite is it. Both my DCs used to pull off their socks and there's no way I'd have put them back on just to cross a car park.

I've read this kind of thing a lot on Facebook where some random busybody has approached a mother or a couple to tell them they are doing something wrong with their child and have claimed to be a social worker.

A couple of times other women in the are have seen the post and said they were approached by the same woman.

I think the general consensus is that a genuine social worker would have legit ante concerns if a child was in immediate danger and would most likely call the police and not approach strangers.

It's possible that these women have something going on in their lives that see them wanting to interfere with a family and by lying that they are a social worker that their opinion will be taken seriously and give them power.

Before having my own children I’d have probably raised an eyebrow but certainly not said anything. Now I have my own children, I wouldn’t even notice/bat an eyelid.
When I drop my one year old and three year old at nursery in a morning, I know I get judged by other parents for taking them out the car to the nursery door without a coat on but there’s not a cat in hells chance I would allow them to wear a coat in a car seat and to put a coat on the one year old once out the car would take far longer than just heading straight to the nursery door! Instead we have mittens, hats and also woolly blankets that they have over them in the car that I then wrap round them to head inside.

I had so much of this when my first was little. She used to take her socks off and throw them out of the pram so I often had comments. Another time, a lady stopped me in the rain when I was dashing into a supermarket with her in a sling and said ‘nice weather for bringing a baby out’. I told her we still had to eat. Another man came and put his hands on her head in 12 degrees when she was in a sling and told me I was negligent for not putting a hat on her - at the time the advice was if baby wearing leave hats off unless v cold as it helps them lose excess body heat. Used to drive me mad, and also feel pretty rubbish.

Don’t justify. Be confident in your own abilities x

My sister in law is a social worker and does things exactly like this.

She's ridiculously self important and feels the need to bully strangers. She gets a kick out of worrying people and acting like she has power over them.

Ignore. You know your child was fine. People like this want a reaction.

I think you have to imagine yourself in your child's situation. Would you be happy out even for a short time without socks, shoes or coat at the moment? Pop outside and give it go. How did you feel?

Not all cats are like that though. I have my heat on via my app so that when we get to the car it is up to my desired temperature. My baby loves whipping off any item of clothing she can. I usually stick tights under trousers to avoid bare feet, but she has wee woolly trousers that are too hot for that and she ends up barefoot in shopping centres as she removes and throws socks and shoes even with the cosy toes on.

A small snapshot of life and a judgement made. I have one who will not wear socks (sensory reasons). It does more harm
making her. I do hate it as she feels the cold but can't bring herself to as the discomfort of socks is more.

I have another who would rather not wear a coat. I don't make him. If he is uncomfortable he will wear one. A friend of his wears shorts all year round.

Nosy cow

What was your reply to the "social worker" @NoCoat?

Tiny kids pull their socks off. I doubt she was a social worker OP. I would have asked for her details then rung her manager to ask her to stop harassing parents in car parks.

And yet when I get in my car, the seat is just a bit cold. I can feel all eight fingers and two thumbs while holding my steering wheel as well, even without gloves!

Funny how different people (and children are still people remember) feel things differently. Funny how not all cars are freezers on wheels.

I’d hazard a guess she wasn’t a social worker.

Bullshit. I was in a shopping centre literally this morning (-3°) and had to take my big coat off as I was sweating. Most adults were carrying coats or had them unzipped and looked a bit flushed.

It's the bare feet Op. Get the child some tights in this weather, and shoes they can't take off.

I hate to see babies/small children with bare feet, trousers ridden up the leg in this weather.

I mean. Yeah….I would double take if I saw a child being taken to the car in this weather with no coat and socks or blanket!

I mean it was -6 here this morning.

how far did you walk without them? I couldn’t of done that this morning

I think that's often what people imagine if they don't know much about children (I definitely did - I think it was a hangover from the era when it was genuinely more likely you'd get dangerously cold). But babies actually shouldn't be in coats in their car seats - the straps don't fit properly, and they can overheat very fast. It's amazing how hot small children run - and being overheated is much more dangerous than being too cold. There's just no comparison with adults.

Have you tried sock-ons or leggings with feet?

That said, it does sound slightly overzealous. How old was this person? Sounds like they’ve never been a parent.

I saw little twins in a buggy today with freezing cold hands. The dad pushing them had gloves and a hot drink. They looked miserable. I felt like saying ‘where are their gloves’ but didn’t. So I understand.

100% social workers are too burnt out with actual cases of neglect to approach random women in the street about their child's sockless feet.

I was a child who wouldn't keep socks on and I'm an old adult who still won't

It seems a bit needless if you were getting into a car. However I don’t actually mind people being concerned about children’s welfare and approaching to enquire about it. I’d rather more people did that than ignore potential issues. Im not especially sensitive and can easily ignore advice if I don’t think it’s useful.

Seeing a 2 year old in a car park with no socks or coat on in this weather would certainly make me do a double take tbh.

True! Except the child wasn't 'in a car park' as such, they were in brief transit between warm pram and warm car, with blankets etc. and stopping the parent to have a chat about it would lead to this taking longer and the toddler getting cold, so that is of no use at all.

A couple of my kids tended to run very warm and were always pulling off their shoes and socks off even in low temperatures, so I would pick my moment to put them back on so they didn't get lost, or usually in very cold weather have them in those foot muff things in the car and in their pram. The people who came up to me in the supermarket etc. to talk to me as though I was an idiot got short shrift but usually backed off when it transpired that I was about 15 years old than they thought I was, and it wasn't my first baby. (Incidentally another of mine didn't like ever taking their socks off even when they needed a bath and had to have fresh ones on again afterwards - small children are very weird, I knew one who insisted on wearing shorts and wellies in all weathers for a while. Wise parents know when and how to pick their battles while keeping their kids safe and healthy.)

These young adults still run warmer than average, as do I, and we always have bare feet at home even on 'cold' floors, and get asked about our clothing choices by randomers, but we know when we are cold or might get cold (!!) and are sensible enough to take gloves and scarfs, and blankets/big coat in the car, even though most of the time we might not need them.

I would have thought that social workers would have a lot better to do than worry about this, and would also realise that alienating parents from social workers when they might need them in the future, by being nosy, judgy and talking nonsense (about the coat in car), might not be the best idea.

Using tights to keep their feet warm is a good idea. If they are constantly taking their socks off this can be an issue in the cold weather due to things like chilblains.

Some social workers are like this.

My (childless) aunt is just like this.

Came to visit when DD1 was a baby and kept making comments about the baby having a hat and a blanket.

She was flapping her own dress and saying she was overheating and kept saying the baby must be too hot. Whilst in the same breath saying she was menopausal.

Baby wasn't too hot and had an appropriate level of cover which the midwives had advvised on.

But no, no, hot flush Auntie was hear to criticise the shit out of us because she's a Social Worker you know.