Six year old completely burnt out from school.

[primaryproblems]

Dd6 is fine during the holidays and weekends but can't cope with the long school days, she comes home emotional and breaks down into tears saying it's all too much, she can't handle being in school all day and all week only having 2 days off and spends most evenings crying over anything and everything one thing after another.
She begs me not to send her to school because she's too tired and I feel completely helpless because I have to force her to go.
I completely understand how she feels but there's nothing I can do.
She asked if she can have one day off in the middle of the week to rest which sounds quite reasonable given how burn out she is but I'm not in a position to authorise that.
If an adult was completely overwhelmed and burn out like this they'd be signed off sick but talking to the school doesn't help, they just say she's fine once she's here, she'll get through it but they don't see her when she comes home and then there's homework and reading to get on with when she's passed out on the sofa too tired to even eat.
She's always in bed by 7 and sound asleep by 10 past that's if she hasn't fallen asleep before hand and been carried up and she is soo tired int the morning.
I feel so bad it seems like child cruelty to me but no matter how much she talks to me my hands are tied because the law says she should be in school because all the other children can cope.

I think you need to see the GP. Ask them to do a blood test. Lots of things can cause fatigue. I was dog tired and couldn't go yo school for months. I ended up needing iron injections.

I could be totally off the mark here, but it’s one thing to explore.

my DD definitely acts this way when over tired - but it seems to ramp up after the holidays. Like she’s out of the swing of things - I think she’s actually missing being at home, the slower pace, the fun, getting lots of attention, playing with her parents etc.

whereas mornings and evenings in term time seem such a rush to get her out the door & then when we get back, we have to do tasks, cook dinner etc.

maybe try a snack after school and some quality 1-1 time that isn’t homework or watching tv, and see how she goes after that. Just 20 mins doing an activity together (with no phones!)

then maybe she does homework while you sort dinner.

again might be totally off the mark but it’s something I noticed with my DD

it does mean that I end up playing really annoying games though with all her figurines and dolls etc. I really don’t enjoy it 😆 but it does seem to have a positive effect!

Friend of mines daughter had something similar. It was autistic burnout in their case. A lot of it she had masked for a long time.

This isn't normal

It's quite well known that some children mask at school and then are exhausted from the effort

Suggest you see the GP

Has it occured to anyone that maybe she's just lazy. Some people are and it doesn't need a diagnosis, although if you are really worried I suppose there's no harm in mentioning it next time you or anyone else in the family goes to the GP to see if it rings any alarm bells with them.

If she's perfectly happy (and not tired) at weekends and in the holidays, there's really not much wrong. Sounds like she just CBA with sitting at a desk all day being talked at.

My DS was very much like this and would have happily stayed at home every day and you could tell when he was overtired or going down with some illness as he would get really clumsy and drop stuff or bump into things. It never crossed my mind that there might be some neurological reason for it and I just made sure he had plenty of time to chill. No after school clubs and just the odd play date. We tried every sport going at the weekends and he hated all of them.
He did absolutely fine in school - I think he did just enough , parents evening was always to stop daydreaming and put in a bit more effort. He got good GCSE's and went on to study engineering. He soon discovered it was yet more sitting at a desk being talked at so he ditched it for an apprenticeship which is mostly hands on physical outside stuff. He's very happy and successful but could still laze about every evening and weekend if he could.

Is she taking vitamins? That exhaustion isn't normal for a child that age.

It's quite frustrating that only we see this and the school see a completely different child, I've had many chats with the teacher who seems to think we're talking about two different children.

Had this in early years with DD1 - till Y4 and an intransigence teacher meant she got so stressed the school saw it and were very shocked and then once crisis advert denied it was an issue again.

I put it down to her being very young in year - literally days before cut off date and her sensory issues including extreme noise sensitivity and was sure she'd inherited my dyslexia making it harder though school always said no though put her in support classes. She coped - slowly got better at primary more able to cope and do more in evenings but now at uni going though diagnostic process for ASD and ADHD.

I would try GP - rule out anything physical - I'd also get her eyes and hearing tested (if you can ) just in case there's issues there causing her to work harder - take a look at diet and give vit D drops - and start considering if there is some form of SEN there making life harder for her.

Has it occured to anyone that maybe she's just lazy. Some people are and it doesn't need a diagnosis

This comment is ridiculous. Honestly nothing about this child says she's just lazy everything the OP posts actually adds to the picture that she's very probably ND.

I agree with her that 5 days is a lot- hence the high numbers of absence at school now and also from the workplace!! In france there is no school on Wednesdays which I think is a good idea. I would see the gp to rule out anything else but also speak to the school and ask how much calm/downtime they have during the day.

It's not ridiculous at all. Stop putting fucking labels on kids

Get her bloods done. She probably has a deficiency maybe iron or something. Is she a picky eater?

Why haven’t you been to the GP?

I would recommend seeing a GP and maybe getting blood tests just to check her iron levels.

My DD 6, finds school very tiring, no behaviour issues in school but is permanently exhausted and slept til 9 each day pretty much all of the holidays. She has dyspraxia though and the effort of coordination and doing what she needs to in school each day leaves her with nothing left after school.

I’d try to put her to bed a little bit earlier. My DD is 5 and in the week, I take her up at 6.15pm, we then do a story and I leave her at 6.30pm, that would mean she’s asleep half an hour sooner, over the week that would amount to 3-4 hours.

Has it occured to anyone that maybe she's just lazy. Some people are and it doesn't need a diagnosis

That is possible. Or maybe she just needs more sleep than most. But personally I'd not take a chance with one of my DC displaying such extreme tiredness on a healthy diet & decent amount of sleep and would want the GP to take a look.

Just Remove her until you've got this sorted. Or negotiate a day off with the head. There are things you can do. You can advocate for your child. Home schooling is within the law. Make sure any health professionals you see are familiar ith how ASD tends to present in girls.

Why shouldn't children who are ND have labels? There's no shame in acknowledging if you have ADHD or Autism or another 'label'. If this child is ND which seems incredibly likely based on what the OP has posted then why shouldn't she get a label, much better for people to understand why you act in certain ways than just thinking you're lazy and throwing tantrums.

Totes autistic. But she should
also have blood tests to rule
out deficiencies etc.

Female ASD presentation, plus tiredness.

This sounds just like my daughter at 6. She’s 17 now. Diagnosed ASD.

My 6 year old can be like this. She's awaiting an ASD assessment and hers is sensory overload and masking, it just wears her out. School dont get any of it (occasional silly behaviours when she does what anyone else tells her to, but not tantrums) but she has been like this since nursery. I would echo getting her checked out at GP.

I agree with others it's worth checking with a GP to rule out a physical cause. It could also be as has been said something else like ASD which can be absolutely physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting in an environment such as school especially if masking which it sounds like IF it is that she does hence the 'different child' at home and school.

Yes I was thinking this too. Completely ignoring whether she’s seen the GP and just said school says no SN but sounds a lot like masking

The op isn’t responding to any questions about seeing a GP because the op either hasn’t or won’t visit a GP and wants MN to give an answer.

I was your daughter.

I was diagnosed as high functioning, high masking but severe ADHD at age 32.

Teachers wouldn't have thought any ND about me either as I was a daydreamer but very high achieving... And I burnt out very, very badly in my 20s.

Get your daughter assessed. If she doesn't have ND then fine but if she does... Don't put her through heartache, imposter syndrome, depression, anxiety unnecessarily. My diagnosis has been literally life changing and I would hate any child to go through what I did...inside my own head. Every day was a battle.

I would write down what happens in an average week.Make a diary so when you speak to the school,dr etc you have facts.Is anyone in your family similar to her?having ear defenders is unusual in an Nt child.Ask for a diagnosis if the wait is too long can you pay.Poor girl it is so difficult for her you need to act now.I only have experience of boys with Asd and ADHD but the signs are similar so tired after school and tearful not coping well.Does she have friends?One of my boys was so good n school so overlooked the other really demanding and noticed guess who had the most help.Both diagnosed with ADHD and Asd in senior school.Please ask for help