Six year old completely burnt out from school.

[primaryproblems]

Dd6 is fine during the holidays and weekends but can't cope with the long school days, she comes home emotional and breaks down into tears saying it's all too much, she can't handle being in school all day and all week only having 2 days off and spends most evenings crying over anything and everything one thing after another.
She begs me not to send her to school because she's too tired and I feel completely helpless because I have to force her to go.
I completely understand how she feels but there's nothing I can do.
She asked if she can have one day off in the middle of the week to rest which sounds quite reasonable given how burn out she is but I'm not in a position to authorise that.
If an adult was completely overwhelmed and burn out like this they'd be signed off sick but talking to the school doesn't help, they just say she's fine once she's here, she'll get through it but they don't see her when she comes home and then there's homework and reading to get on with when she's passed out on the sofa too tired to even eat.
She's always in bed by 7 and sound asleep by 10 past that's if she hasn't fallen asleep before hand and been carried up and she is soo tired int the morning.
I feel so bad it seems like child cruelty to me but no matter how much she talks to me my hands are tied because the law says she should be in school because all the other children can cope.

You need an assessment. My 17 year old refused to attend Y12 anymore. Shes been out of school 10 months and still totally exhausted.

This is the conclusion if you don’t recognise or diagnose the symptoms. Usually happens at 14 or so. Mine was late because of Covid.

Former additional support needs teacher here.

Many schools in our area are happy with flexi-schooling (often with the kids taking Fridays off, but could theoretically be any day of the week). If your local authority and school are happy with it, and you're able to have her at home, why not do that? Read up a bit on flexi-schooling. I'm considering it for my ADHD kid as I know our school is happy with it.

The sound sensitivity could indicate a sensory processing disorder? Then a normal day is a high-sensory environment like school would tire her out more than most kids. She might even just have a more sensitive personality, be more introverted, so a school environment would be exhausting for her.

How do you react? Are you really sympathetic and loving and all “oh, how awful, let’s get home and you can relax and I’ll get you snack,” etc. Is she getting lots of reinforcement and attention from you when she behaves like this? Or are you quite matter of fact like, “That’s a shame but it’s only 6 hours. Let’s get out for a walk/go swimming/go home and have some fun.”

You maybe need to try being really breezy about it, and ignore the tantrums and complaints. This really isn’t normal for a 6 year old. Most of them have swimming lessons or football or music lessons or whatever after school.

Forget the homework.
School are never going to agree to authorise a part time schedule (if that’s what you’re hoping) as they have no concerns so can not justify it. It’s not considered good practice even for children with diagnosed SEN and EHCP.
Get the gp to run some blood tests and rule out any obvious causes for excessive tiredness.
Start looking into having her assessed. It may come to nothing but at least then you’ll know. It will help getting her support as she grows.
Read up on girls with asd and girls with sensory disorders.
Work on finding ways to reduce the sensory overload.
See where that gets you.

Take a look at the symptoms here.

https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Keeping-it-all-inside.pdf

People still look for the male presentation. Girls are very different and fly below the radar.

S E E...T H E...G P

'my hands are tied because the law says she should be in school because all the other children can cope.'
This is incorrect. The law says she must receive an education, it doesn't have to be in school. The young starting age in this country, is the reason lots of parents home educate.

Also sounds like you want an excuse to not send her to school.

Has it occured to anyone that maybe she's just lazy

Are 6 year olds lazy?

This post has come from the 1940s!

If a child is struggling so much they just go to bed and to sleep, I don't think they are making it up.

Some kids really can’t be arsed. There isn’t any SEN or mental health. They’d just rather be not at school doing work. She even says she doesn’t like having to spend 6 hours doing school work. Kid just needs to toughen up and OP needs to stop pandering.

Another echoing that you need to delve deeper. It could be ASD and she’s knackered from masking all day.

Being so exhausted from six hours school that she sleeps nearly 13 hours, isn’t normal.

What would happen to the kids of parents that work full time then?

Agree with all the PP saying a trip to the GP is needed.

However, just wanted to say that your hands are not tied. If you think she needs the day off you can give her one. I've been known to occasionally ring my DCs school and say one them is having the day simply because they're tried (usually towards the end of a long term when they're naturally tired, which I appreciate isn't what's happening in your situation). Sometimes the school hasn't been impressed but that's tough. My DC's physical and mental health is more important that meeting government targets around educational achievement.

It's also okay to ditch homework if that helps. All the evidence suggests that the only homework worth doing with primary school aged child is getting them to read to you. The rest is at best a waste of time and at worst puts them off learning. Again, the school may or may not be happy about this depending on their approach, but they simply can't make you do it.

Yep, screams nd to me too.

If you read up, this presentation is very common for girls. Especially if they are gifted, which is a problem as you get uneven development.

Even if she has traits, rather than it being disabling, use the advice for looking after nd kids. It will be calmer all round.

And don't worry about labels, it's much more helpful to have a dx & not to develop co-morbidities, like anxiety & depression or always feel overwhelmed & exhausted because you're not understood.

my hands are tied because the law says she should be in school because all the other children can cope.

Yip all the other children can cope. You need to find out why she's not coping.

Could be physical - just needs more sleep. Needs vitamins or something else.

Or could be mental health - ASD or similar.

Just remember a label doesn't change your beautiful daughter, it doesn't mean she's faulty, it just helps you and other people understand why she is the way she is.

Is she a perfectionist? or 'masking' at school? or struggling socially? and maybe not making friends? or worse being bullied? Or maybe she's got a learning difference so that everything's twice as hard for her to perform?

I had all of those things as a child because of being on the Autism Spectrum and I was exhausted and very thin, nobody acknowledged it back then.

Why haven’t you been to the GP?

Not all are very helpful and can make you feel like an idiot going - we've has some like that - still went but still very off putting but extreme exhaustion that just isn't normal does need a GP to rule things out.

I would get eye sight tested - if there are problems she may not be aware - but I would try talking again to school about SEN - again many can be very dismissive but they be helpful or inform you of additional problems.

I'd try reading up about ADHD and ASD presentation in girls - see if it fits and see if there are any technique that may help help her you can use - would also help to have awareness if she starts having problems as she gets older in school so you can fight her corner with them - it's not uncommon they cope till they suddenly can't. Also helps to know how assessment work in your area - private costs thousands - but some area it's though GP.

What I wouldn't do it let her off mid week - you really don't want her thinking school is optional and if you need further down line to do flex schooling it may well be helpful if school knows you've done best to get her in before that point.

These are very grown up adult concepts she is articulating though..wanting a day off a week / school day is too long / describing being overwhelmed. Most kids at this age don't really have a concept of the length of the day, school is over when it's over. They just accept we go 5 days a week. There is definitely a need to go to GP and speak to school but I would take care not to project too much of your thoughts on her. She's 6 and should be enjoying school at this age.. Hope you get sorted..

My daughter, 8, is autistic and in mainstream. I sought a school that offers flexi-schooling and even though she does three days a week she’s burnt out by Wednesday evening and takes a couple of days to get back to her usual self for the weekend and is firing on all cylinders come Monday. Maybe this is an option, OP?

For anyone reading this thread ignore this nonsense. This child is not lazy anyone with even a modicum of common sense has rightly come to the conclusion she needs to see a GP and the OP needs to accept she is probably ND.

It's also quite heartening to see so many are now recognising signs of Autism in girls differs so greatly to boys.

You said she finds the day too long and boring. Is it possible the day is too long because she’s bored? Like she’s not being challenged or stimulated enough? As someone with interest based ADHD, being under stimulated and not challenged is a disaster as that makes me very sleepy and tired - I just zone out and don’t concentrate.

I'm a reception teacher and play is just as exhausting, they're constantly constantly busy. Maybe try her on packed lunches? If you're in a London school rishi has given free school meals to all children but not any extra money so the dinners can be a bit crap.

I find it astonishing that you haven’t taken a child displaying such levels of exhaustion to the GP.

No one needs an excuse not to send their children to school. They do have to cause their child to receive an education though.