Six year old completely burnt out from school.

[primaryproblems]

Dd6 is fine during the holidays and weekends but can't cope with the long school days, she comes home emotional and breaks down into tears saying it's all too much, she can't handle being in school all day and all week only having 2 days off and spends most evenings crying over anything and everything one thing after another.
She begs me not to send her to school because she's too tired and I feel completely helpless because I have to force her to go.
I completely understand how she feels but there's nothing I can do.
She asked if she can have one day off in the middle of the week to rest which sounds quite reasonable given how burn out she is but I'm not in a position to authorise that.
If an adult was completely overwhelmed and burn out like this they'd be signed off sick but talking to the school doesn't help, they just say she's fine once she's here, she'll get through it but they don't see her when she comes home and then there's homework and reading to get on with when she's passed out on the sofa too tired to even eat.
She's always in bed by 7 and sound asleep by 10 past that's if she hasn't fallen asleep before hand and been carried up and she is soo tired int the morning.
I feel so bad it seems like child cruelty to me but no matter how much she talks to me my hands are tied because the law says she should be in school because all the other children can cope.

Just to say - for those with extreme sensory issues it is possible to be completely overwhelmed by school and then shut down once home - but yes physical causes MUST be checked first.

Burn out can happen to children as well as adults. But shouldn't be assumed without speaking to a GP.

Has this been happening since she was in reception, or is the extreme tiredness a new thing?

I'm surprised you don't seem to have made a GP appointment to discuss it, especially as you realise she's different from her peers.

She's up at 7:45 to leave at 8:30. She has the universal school meal at her age so tells me what she has each day, I'm not there to see what she's eaten.
She eats a good balanced diet, home cooked meals meat/fish lots of fruit and veggies.

I think you need to take her to the doctor. Nothing the school can do. I'd want blood tests as she shouldn't be this tired from school at 6. Poor little girl.

Oh, the poor thing. My DD struggles with tiredness. Giving her Vit D drops in winter helps. She also has to go to bed earlier than her friends which can be tricky when they all want to chat until 10pm!

Also my DD is autistic. Do you have any suspicions that your DD might be as that can add to the exhaustion of school.

Is there a pastoral lead at the school? Or at least a teacher who specialises in this area? Would chat to them to properly
observe her emotional regulation at school. Our school is good about this and has a chill out/calm room etc. she needs to learn to use the down time properly at school. This is meant to be breaks and lunchtime, but that could be stressful for her from social standpoint also. Some more digging is needed.

Where in Europe if you don't mind me asking as I've always said we start roo early but I have friends in France and Spain whose kids are going at the same age as mine to formal schooling? It's made me wonder which countries have the later start to school... Scandinavian countries?

I really think you need to get blood tests done at a minimum before you do anything else. It's not normal for a six year old to be that tired, especially if she's not in afterschool care. A six hour school day is not long. It maybe SEN rather than a physical health problem, but you need to rule out her being ill first.

My son's in Reception and does school and then childminder, which is a mile walk to hers and then a mile walk back to ours at 6pm. He's sometimes tired and a bit whingy, but mostly skips and runs home and goes to sleep at 8pm, sometimes 8.30. Wakes up 7-7.30am.

I agree that it's not 'normal' and you need to take her to your GP and consider additional needs. It does sound like she's exhausted from 'masking' all day then not having the energy to 'mask' in the evenings. Special Needs in girls is often over looked.

@primaryproblems Are you going to speak to your GP about blood tests etc?

She seemed to settle well into reception but even she says reception was just play and now she has to do work in year 1 she finds it too much, she's very good at articulating her feelings and clearly states the days are just too long for her.

This is my daughter to a T, but she has ASD. The whole thing is just exhausting for her.

My first thought was ASD (yes i can say that as I'm autistic and masking is extremely exhausting)

Have you ruled out anything medical? If not, I do think there is sensory overload at play which can make you tired. Is there the possibility of any neuro divergence? Can you speak to the school to see if there are any adjustments you can make? If it were me, I'd speak to the GP and raise the issue of possible ND with the school being clear that her tiredness is impacting her wellbeing and what can they suggest?

• She's up at 7:45 to leave at 8:30. She's up at 7:45 to leave at 8:30. She has the universal school meal at her age so tells me what she has each day, I'm not there to see what she's eaten. She eats a good balanced diet, home cooked meals meat/fish lots of fruit and veggies.*

Then I agree with PPs, definitely worth seeing the GP to rule out any underlying conditions. If all ok, then earlier bedtimes to see if that helps.

Don't want to scare you, but ds had a period like this when he was 8yo, plus regular temperatures for no noticeable reason, and the doctors took it pretty seriously; he was in having blood tests etc within a couple of days.
As far as we can tell it was "just" post viral fatigue, but it took him a good two years to throw it off, and 8 years later he still has a tendency to illness.

Agree with this - start by getting anything medical ruled out.

Then I'd ask for a meeting with the school SENCo to talk about any adjustments the school could make. Keep it focussed to getting practical solutions in place first. Then you/school can think about underlying causes later as long as medical issues have been ruled out.

Also it can't hurt to talk everything through with the School Nursing team (in our area its the same phone number as calling the Health Visitor)

She does use ear defenders because she finds it too noisy and they seem to help.
I have spoken to her teacher about my concerns but she doesn't think there's anything to worry about regarding SN.
I have read about asd and she doesn't seem to display the symptoms listed apart from poor concentration.

Yes, to seeing the GP. I think she needs to be evaluated and have some blood tests. This level of fatigue is quite unusual in a 6 year old. My youngest is in Y1 (turning 6 in a few weeks) and he is bouncing out of bed at 7am, full day of school, then often outside many days doing chores around the house/farm in the afternoon, dinner around 7pm, in bath by 8pm, usually not asleep until 9:30pm every night, and he isn't fatigued at all.

And she uses eardefenders? Okay, she's sounding like she has a similar profile to my ASD DD. I'd suggest keeping an open mind about it.

It's quite frustrating that only we see this and the school see a completely different child, I've had many chats with the teacher who seems to think we're talking about two different children.
I went to parent's evening expecting to hear about bad behaviour and defiance only for them to tell me what a well behaved bright girl she was and how well she was doing which made me feel like I wasn't doing her enough justice.
Again though she finds it so exhausting she comes home and cries to me that she just can't cope and it's all too much.

Do they have snacks at her school? My 10 year old son with ASD has been so much better emotionally and energy wise during/after school since we managed to convince him/school to have a morning and afternoon snack. We used to bring one to the school to eat as soon as he got out as he was coming out very distressed and tired from the school day and hunger was definitely amplifying the situation.

With that level of fatigue I would definitely want her iron and vitamin D levels checked. All my kids have suffered from vitamin D deficiency in the past so they take a vitamin D spray and multivitamin. Around 16% of children overall are deficient in vitamin D in the UK and with children spending more time indoors now it is increasing. It also increases in the winter months.

There are also other possible reasons for tiredness, my eldest had fatigue after having COVID, kids can have post-viral or post-infection fatigue especially if they have had repeated winter illnesses back to back. Like others have said you need to rule out all physical causes first before considering other things.

My ASD children are often exhausted after school due to coping all day in that environment, but when my eldest was struggling after COVID I didn't assume it was that and got her bloods done first just in case.

Read specifically about 'masking in girls with ASD'. Teachers cannot always spot SEN, the fact that she needs ear defenders in school may be significant.

I appreciate its frustrating but as I said in my first post this sounds exactly like she's masking so of course the teacher won't see what you see. If you think she needs assessing then push for that. She really does sound more ND with every post.