Six year old completely burnt out from school.

[primaryproblems]

Dd6 is fine during the holidays and weekends but can't cope with the long school days, she comes home emotional and breaks down into tears saying it's all too much, she can't handle being in school all day and all week only having 2 days off and spends most evenings crying over anything and everything one thing after another.
She begs me not to send her to school because she's too tired and I feel completely helpless because I have to force her to go.
I completely understand how she feels but there's nothing I can do.
She asked if she can have one day off in the middle of the week to rest which sounds quite reasonable given how burn out she is but I'm not in a position to authorise that.
If an adult was completely overwhelmed and burn out like this they'd be signed off sick but talking to the school doesn't help, they just say she's fine once she's here, she'll get through it but they don't see her when she comes home and then there's homework and reading to get on with when she's passed out on the sofa too tired to even eat.
She's always in bed by 7 and sound asleep by 10 past that's if she hasn't fallen asleep before hand and been carried up and she is soo tired int the morning.
I feel so bad it seems like child cruelty to me but no matter how much she talks to me my hands are tied because the law says she should be in school because all the other children can cope.

Another one saying you need to see your GP. I have a 6 yr old in Year 2 and she is the very youngest in her year (as in if she was born one week later she'd be in year 1!) and she has a packed week full of extra curricular activities too and she copes fine (she wants to do more, in fact; it's me that's shattered 😂)...I mean, she gets tired sometimes but nothing that a lazy weekend can't sort and nothing like your little one. Hope she's ok. Best of luck.

As others have said, do get her checked by the GP. At her age, she shouldn't be so exhausted.

Also, you say she's having school meals. Does she actually eat all of it? Just asking as I'm a MDS and most of the meals aren't that large, and on top of that if they aren't eating some of it, they're not actually getting much in their system. My DD was the smallest in the year and said she'd rather eat a cooked meal at home as she got more. I'm sure you do, but if not, offer her a snack on coming home.

@primaryproblems
Kids do hold it all in but I wouldn’t say it’s a held in punishment tantrum . It’s more she lets it out in her safe place . You OP and her home .
I think she sober whelmed. .

Would you do Flexi school?
I think age 5 is so young for school, some
countries don’t start until 7 and they do better .
She is still a baby with all the time in the world to learn .
Ypu could take her out and learn at home ?
You know your child do what’s best for her the education will follow once age is ok

My dd is autistic and would be described as 'high functioning' i.e low support needs, and she is the same as your dd with school.

She's always been a tired child and needs a lot of downtime. She's just turned 10 (Y5) and we just discovered she is autistic in the past year. She finds school difficult in the sense that she gets on 'fine' whilst she's there but then is exhausted at home. We manage it by giving her plenty of sleep and time to chill as much as she wants.

We only realised she is autistic because of some sensory issues which cropped up, and then did more research which pieced it all together.

Might be worth exploring.

We don't do homework at all its detrimental.
I've found taking it off the table and the pressure of it actually frees up his own ability to choose to suggest doing some like reading but on his terms so he is getting the practise at understanding his energy levels. Similar to spoon theory.
He also has a 5pm bedtime with the option of some colouring playing time for 30 mins but usually its 10 minutes he is that tired after school.

A healthy NT 6 year old should not be that exhausted by school. Year 1 still has a lot of play. There is something else going on.
Have you taken her to the GP?

If she has poor concentration, it could also be adhd. Autism and adhd have a lot of overlap in symptoms which a lot of people don't realise. Including sensory issues. It could even be both.

I have food aversions, light, touch and sound aversions and I've only been diagnosed at the grand age of mid to late 30s with inattentive adhd. Girls mask their symptoms way more than boys apparently which is why it goes undetected as much.

Forget the school saying no SEN. Burnt out and overloaded at the end of the day, ear defenders - these aren’t standard behaviours for her age group. Go to the GP and self-refer to CAMHS if necessary for an autism assessment. If there’s any way you can afford it - go private while on the waiting list.

Tell school you will not be doing homework. Give her a banana or apple or something when you pick her up and dinner for 4:30/5 ish. Let her draw or do something to wind down for the evening. Support her with reading for enjoyment over the weekend. Read to her even. I have neurodivergent kids. You need to reduce all triggers while they’re at one of these stages. Better to do no homework than to have to miss a day a week off school. None of my children did homework at this age and I never filled in the reading record. Mine all were read to and supported to read for pleasure (I still read to them sometimes now and they’re in secondary!) And they’re all advanced readers. She needs a less rigid pathway than a school offers, and you’ll have to advocate for her for that. It might work for the rest of the 30 kids, but sometimes you just have to go you know what, homework is too much for mine. Book a GP appointment though as soon as, get the ball rolling as even if you think it’s not too bad now, the waiting lists for everything (even private!) are long.

I'd bring her bedtime forwards if she's falling asleep immediately at 7. My DD aged 5 goes through periods where she needs a really early bedtime, and it seems to last for a few weeks then she can cope again.

My DD struggles with tiredness at times but I have found a bath really helps her calm down after school so we usually do that early on and then she plays in pyjamas or we read for the rest of the evening. If we leave the bath until later on its usually a bit of a drama filled evening.

what time is she going to sleep?

I have 2 DD's and one of them has always needed a lot more sleep than the other to be able to function properly.

I'd try an earlier bedtime

@primaryproblems i too suspect something else at play here and you’ve had great advice re. Possible high functioning ASD. The tantrums would fit with that and the feeling of burn out. Also you say she is excellent at expressing herself. That’s also often a very ASD trait. My oldest has ASD and had a very adult and wide vocab from very young and was very able to express himself in very adult ways. He actually has always behaved as if he was an adult and didn’t really understand being treated
like a child, found it very unfair to have such a loss of autonomy. Anyway. Forget homework, he very rarely did any and I never pushed it. Look at the evidence out there. It doesn’t really support homework. But do look into homeschool if you can. Even for a short while to see if she can cope better as she gets older. It’s a shame there’s not a hybrid model where you could homeschool on Wednesdays. That would be ideal. Is there any way the school would let you do that without removing her from the roll for this year and try her again full time next year.

I would take her to the GP. They might want to check her iron levels and thyroid function. Also wondering if she's autistic and is having to mask at school all day. Poor kid. I feel really sorry for her, and hope your GP can help her x

7 replies from the OP to more than two pages of posts saying “see a GP”, without OP acknowledging her DD needs to see a GP. H’okaaaay.

Same here. I didn't know any better then but now I realise how privileged we were to come home every day at 1pm (all the way to year 10) and then have the entire afternoon to do what we wanted. And we only started school at 6/7 years. Nobody understands (including dh who is used to this system) when I ask where is the time to play? To just be a child? To just do nothing? Now from the moment the kids wake up till they are ij bed we are just rushing, rushing and rushing. The weekends are never enough either.

Honestly though, even if dd's school did finish earlier she'd still have to go to after school club because we both work full time but I do feel terrible about the whole situation.

She specifically says the days too long.
I think she gets really tired and bored and the day just feels never ending to her which to her is just intolerable, not something she can just endure.

I think she'd rather be anywhere else than in school and asks every day how many more days until the weekend because she really needs a break.

Sounds like my eldest..we got no support from school.
Doctors said just viral or nothing wrong.

In our case there was a serious medical condition but also autistic masking at school.
Even after medical diagnosis the school were unhelpful at best.
Treatment for.medical condition helped the health side but school is still a huge problem. We did manage to get support after a lot of fighting for it but it still isn't ideal..

We don't do the homework as it caused too much stress anxiety.

If your gut says anything health related is wrong go back to doctor till you have answers.

You are not alone

Both of mine were like this & I thought it was medical.
Actually both are Autistic & a 'normal' school day could leave them too tired to eat & asleep at 6pm until 11am next day.

It needs looking into one way or another. I hope your GP is helpful. Good luck. x

This could be related to neurodivergency - I can see you’ve looked at asd op but some adhd’ers also mask and struggle with sensory over load. Does she match any criteria for this? It might be worth looking at how adhd presents in girls rather than generally.

I know you can’t make diagnoses over the internet etc etc etc

but anyway…

Your girl is neurodivergent.

I think you should consider an asd assessment. Her description could be the burnout experienced of masking all days.

Plenty of girls "manage" socially, usually up to a preteen and then they don't have the social skills to navigate the change in the dynamics of teen friendships.

She may have wider sensory issues that she is subconsciously putting energy into continuously while at school and then like a fizzy bottle pops.

Ideally your gp can start the process while ruling in/out physical causes.

Your first stop should be the GP because this is not within the range of normal tiredness for a six year old after school.
It could be a medical issue. It could also be autism - able to mask/cope at school but comes home and it all comes out.
Or it could be a six year old who doesn't really want to be at school/would rather be at home and is trying things out to see how she can get her mother to let her stay at home. This does happen. Some of them know which buttons to press. I had a girl in my Year 1 class once who did this sort of thing all the time.
Rule out any medical issues first. Then look at possible autism.

Came here to say the same thing. Sounds like she's masking in school and that is why she is so tired when she comes home. ADHD, autism or AuDHD seems very plausible.

It's quite frustrating that only we see this and the school see a completely different child,

I was always a chatter box at home-would sit outside the bathroom chatting to mum through the door whilst she was on the toilet!

Had been known to jump up & down & scream in a temper😊

School reports all said how quiet & well behaved I was!

What was she like in previous yrs?
Did she go to nursery? Part time or full time

Perhaps she just needs to get used to it.

Why are you ignoring any suggestions she might be ND or need a GP? Are you actually just posting in the hope people will tell you to let her have a day off every week?