Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

This. Id keep quite and leave the air tag in the car and use the time to do some more investigations into your own phone and your home. You definitely don't want to tip him off at the moment

So many posters making a joke of this or gaslighting the OP suggesting the airbag was dropped or is actually there for safety reasons.

This is serious. The OP, who is in a very vulnerable position, is being stalked by her own husband. That's why she's upset. I would be too. Tracking is a highly abusive behaviour.

@ZeeB68 I'd encourage you to dig it out and leave it in your home. If it's been deliberately hidden in your car - and your instincts are your biggest clue here - he'll either assume that you stayed home for 3 weeks or get in touch to try to find out what has happened to his spyware.

I think the most sensible course of action is to have the conversation face-to-face when he gets back and sees it sitting on the counter.

I second the suggestion to get a spyware detector for your home. If he's been spying on you, he's likely to deny and deflect so it would be good for you to have the proof for your own sake.

My friend divorced her husband for tracking her bc once the trust is gone, there is no relationship. She's so happily remarried now.

I agree with the poster who suggested muting the thread containing gloating messages from his family. My god, how insensitive they are.

I'm sorry OP. This is not cool. Do you have good friends around?

Without wider knowledge of your relationship it is hard say whether YABU. In a happy relationship I would think this could be a (very misjudged) attempt at watching out for you and / or preventing theft of the car. But it feels like clutching at straws because he didn’t tell you about it, and regardless, the fact that you are unnerved suggests this is more likely a bigger issue. If he is intentionally tracking you then it’s appalling.

I'd remove it and give it to someone who'll spend the next 3 weeks in lots of male-dominated places. Then see a lawyer so you're armed with all your options before he gets home.

If he bought a load to put in his luggage maybe he just thought to put the spare ones in both cars, golf bag, road bike etc?

That will of course be his explanation when he's confronted. Unfortunately.

Ah.. I'm sorry to say there's more to this and it's not you who needs tracking. I had a similar issue, was completely confused but I wasn't the one up to no good. 😌 I hope I'm wrong.

He is obviously spying on you. How does knowing where the car is mean you are safe?. It would be better to just text etc and actually ask you if you were okay. Also, if it was for safety he would ask you if you wanted it.

If it’s very evident that it’s been hidden rather than fallen out then that’s unforgivable stalkerish behaviour from him, really. Go through all of the settings on your phone (particularly privacy and security) and check what has access to your location etc. Remove any apps that aren’t familiar. Some snoop apps are disguised as weather etc so be thorough. Turn on two factor identification, change your Apple ID if it’s an iPhone and change your phone pin.

I'd Chuck it into a river and then go no contact till he's home.

That'd teach the bastard a lesson.

I'd also file for dicorceb

There is some really bad advice on this thread and I know it's not serious 100% of the time however a man who puts an airtag in his wife's car is a potentially dangerous man and not to be messed with, wound up or confronted. The OP's safest strategy is to leave it where it is and put together a plan b on how to leave safely.

@sellingpetrol I was thinking exactly this, I wouldn’t think anything of DH putting one in my car but we also all share on find my iPhone. I don’t know if he’d tell me if he put one in my car because I got in the other day and found he’d put a pink steering wheel cover on and added various other bits that I didn’t know he’d put in 😂😂 (he did it because he knew I’d love it though, not to be creepy or controlling!)

We don't know how violent this man can get. I would be careful until she's safe and away from him

If he wanted to track the car in case it was stolen, why wouldn't he mention that he had done it?

Find it and see where it is. Could it have been dropped or was it obviously hidden? If you confront him and he says he dropped it or it fell out of his bag or pocket, is that possible? If it is,eg it was on the floor of the car under a seat, you won’t have much luck confronting him as he’ll lie and gaslight you and then you’ll feel worse.

Although it’s very tempting to put it on a train travelling hundreds of miles, I’d remove it and put it somewhere where it could have fallen out but not your house or drive, eg leave it in a car park or whatever. He’ll then be very frustrated when he realises. You’re clearly not spending the night in Asda car park, so what’s he going to do? Admit it and ask what happened? Sit abroad fuming? That will be good.

Seems a bit weird for him to buy them to put in his suitcase and then use one to track you. Surely if he had bought them for covert tracking purposes then he wouldn't have told you about buying any of them.

And for the people who say put it in a weird and wonderful place, they do have to be in fairly close range of a phone/bluetooth network to be able to track.

I would not say anything until he gets back then ask him his motivations. You should be able to see from his instant response either he will be aghast you found it and stumble for an explanation or come up with why he did it pretty quickly if it was an accident or he did it for some other reason such as theft protection.

I don't think everyone realises that tags now alert, in this case the OP. I understand this was brought in as a safeguard, after womens charities expressed concern at the use for stalking. I would be taking advice @ZeeB68 possibly from Womens Aid. But you know best what your marriage is like.

OP this is really bad, I'm sorry. There's no way it has anything to do with hik being worried about safety. I'd take it out and call the police for advice. Pretty sure what he's done is illegal.

Only you could know your DH motivation for doing this, but he's the one going away for three weeks yet he wants to keep tabs on YOU? How dare he. I'd be wondering if he had a guilty conscience.

Isn’t this a crime now? I thought they made it a crime when these things started getting popular. You can track someone without their knowledge. This would be divorce for me. It’s so far over the line of acceptable that it would be divorce. I could never trust him with a boundary again.

Your phone doesn't just detect every Airtag you walk past, so it has to have been setup on your home network. Presumably both of your phones are part of the same home network?

Is it not more likely he got it for his luggage and dropped it than he is suddenly spying on you the very day he goes away? Before you race off to the divorce lawyers, surely the first course of action is to ask?

SURELY an accident.
My husband bought me then for Christmas to put on my keys and ID card. He can help me find things when I lose them and stress out/ make myself late.
If not an accident it’s very alarming

Surely if he bought a few of them, and one fell out, then he won't be tracking you anyway. Meaning he won't care if you attach it to a big HGV in the motorway services for example.

That's the key I think - his reaction or no reaction when you leave it somewhere, or in the house etc.

Whether accidental (unlikely) or by design it is horrible to think that someone is spying on you. Ugh.

I'd be checking for hidden cameras in your home and spyware on your phone and other devices. Not even joking.

What a controlling bastard.

Good point. OP, if you have any worries that he could be violent or dangerous, or if there's any history of aggression, of him hurting you or the kids, please leave it in place. Use these 3 weeks as a grace to gather support, see a lawyer, talk to the police, get advice from Women's Aid, etc.

It is not there for your safety. It is not there in case the car gets stolen. What would he do from abroad anyway. See if he has put one in his car. Very scary behaviour

This is a brilliant idea.