Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

I'd also be very unimpressed at going away for three weeks for a bloody wedding when you have kids and a newborn!

Same. I’d give him the right run around what a dickhead.

This is likely to be what is known in the domestic abuse sector as jealous surveillance (though I sometimes think it would be better termed paranoid surveillance).

It's rare for an abuser to go from zero to tracker in one step, so have there been any other clues that might indicate jealous, controlling behaviour? Does he scrutinise what you wear or who you spend time with? Does he set rules and regulations in the home? How does he respond when you challenge him?

AirTags do this specifically because they have been used in stalking cases. I would assume that once he realises that he has been found out, he'll find a new way to track you. While he is away I'd be organising a divorce.

Then driving a route that spells out f* you you creepy stalker.

Hmmm maybe he's tracking you phone too?

Follow the instructions here: support.apple.com/en-gb/guide/personal-safety/ips2aad835e1/web on how to block any tracking on your phone

Yes, this sounds fun.

Oh you can have fun with this. Post it to Australia. But also he’s a twat.

I’d be getting legal advice but would this be on the grounds of divorce/separation or if it’s legal to have this device around.

He obviously doesn’t trust you though.

My serious comment is that that doesn’t sound great and agree if it was about safety then he should have discussed with you.

My not so serious suggestions would be a) to drive around so that the route on the tracker draws a picture of giving him the finger; or b) to co-opt a friend and have them put it in their car and drive to a pub and then a strip club and then park till the early hours at a club. More than once.

Post it to him - then he'll think you're en route to catch him out.

Well, I was about to ask how your relationship is in general but then re-read and saw he's gone away for three weeks whilst your youngest is 13 weeks old. Pretty poor in my eyes.... but we're talking about you here OP!
Kindest explanation is that he is worried about safety and forgot to tell you he'd put it in.

Only you can answer whether there's anything worrying but otherwise I'd just ask him. If there is problems elsewhere, have some fun with it (assuming it won't lead to harm to you and the DC).

I am. Very.
It doesn't help when I'm struggling at home with the kids and baby for the other family members that went with him are sending me pictures and videos of them with my husband in restaurants and and outings enjoying themselves whilst I'm left at home bursting into tears every night after struggling all day with the kids and our newborn on top of not much sleep at night too, now only to find out he's also tracking me too. I'm just getting angrier and more upset as the days go on. Makes me think what else he has done

I’m wondering though, have you ruled out the possibility that it fell out of one of his bags by mistake since you say he’s never had these before and bought them ahead of a trip away to keep his luggage safe/trackable?

I mean, just thinking there could be a simple explanation for this that we could be missing.

Op my ex would constantly challenge me about my whereabouts, even before airtags were a thing, he would definitely have tried this. I'm my marriage it was yet another form of control - it took me years to realize this is in fact abuse.

I imagine all is not well in your marriage. At all.

I would be tempted to have some fun with it, have several friends take it for days out etc, but I remember being in the depths of it, that realization that for whatever reason, he is tracking you whilst he's away for 3 weeks.

You need to begin to make a plan. Write everything down.

When I go out now, I'm going to find out where exactly it is then I will know for sure, but I really Don't believe it's been an accident I do think he has put it there on purpose

Put it in an envelope and post it to where he’s staying now.

Is it at all possible that it is there by accident? If not, yeah I think I would let a friend in on it and get them to carry it around.

Creepy as fuck. This would be the end for me.

I would chuck the AirTag, get a new phone and check every inch of my house for hidden cameras.

Then I would tell him not to bother coming home and start divorce proceedings.

Is it a nice car? There is a shocking problem with theft of Audi, BmW and Land Rover right now. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if my husband dropped one in my car. We all share on find my iPhone anyway.

perhaps you have other concerns about your husband and relationship, so I may be completely on the wrong track, but just thought I’d mention it.

I would work on the basis that it wasn’t your husband and report to the police that you have a stalker. Be interesting to see your husband’s face when he realises his actions (assuming it was him) are now part of a crime investigation.

Just take it out and leave it on his side of the bed. He'll know you've found it, see if he mentions it before he gets back. If he doesn't you can say you left this in my car, and ask why? Easier face to face. I wouldn't be happy at all

This is a criminal offence, so you could report him to the police. I’d also be checking your home for secret cameras and recording devices.

Don’t put it on some random car, but do have some fun driving to random places that would wind him up or you couldn’t get in trouble for accidentally leaving it on a bus…

put it in a national express bus.

Sorry OP meant to say hugs. It's tough with a new baby and being alone too.

to Aberdeen