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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

955 replies

ZeeB68 · 17/01/2024 16:50

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Jump3roo · 17/01/2024 17:09

Leaves for 3 weeks when you have a tiny baby and has the audacity to track you?? He sounds absolutely dreadful. Are these just two terrible things in an otherwise sound relationship or is he always a bit of a dick?

orangegato · 17/01/2024 17:09

Leave it at a strip club or something. Seriously mess with him, let him try to confront you while trying not to admit he tracked you.

GeckoEcho · 17/01/2024 17:10

I'd drive it straight to the police station.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 17/01/2024 17:10

sellingpetrol · 17/01/2024 17:07

Is it a nice car? There is a shocking problem with theft of Audi, BmW and Land Rover right now. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if my husband dropped one in my car. We all share on find my iPhone anyway.

perhaps you have other concerns about your husband and relationship, so I may be completely on the wrong track, but just thought I’d mention it.

But he’d tell you about it surely…

Actually I like @TheSnowyOwl ’s suggestion best. And call him up and tell him that you’re terrified that you have a stalker, you’ve had to report it to the police and he should come home immediately as you don’t feel safe.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 17/01/2024 17:10

I’d be fuming but don’t ask him about it until you’re face to face. In the meantime, go on google maps and find a nice route to drive that makes a shape of a cock and balls.

Brefugee · 17/01/2024 17:13

I'd also mute all the family members who are sending you photos.
But I'd definitely have "fun" with it. Perhaps you could put it in a taxi, a train, a bus?

Waxwin9 · 17/01/2024 17:13

dig it out and give it to a friend to drive it around for a few weeks. It's a serious breach of trust and I couldn't forgive that. What on earth does he think you could possibly get up to alone with three DC including a tiny baby? And 3 weeks for a wedding abroad? seriously?

Houseplanter · 17/01/2024 17:13

I'm so sorry OP

I'd nip in to a nice hotel and drop it somewhere it won't be found then turn your phone off.

fedupwithbeinghot · 17/01/2024 17:14

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 17/01/2024 17:02

I’d be getting legal advice but would this be on the grounds of divorce/separation or if it’s legal to have this device around.

He obviously doesn’t trust you though.

You don't need a reason for divorce, except for "I want to get divorced"

Povertytrapped · 17/01/2024 17:14

Post it to me OP and then I'll post it to another Mumsnetter - it can go right round the country before he gets back...or just take it with you to the solicitors and leave it there...

Bythefireside · 17/01/2024 17:14

If he bought them for luggage could one have fallen off in the car or been accidentally dropped?

Lochroy · 17/01/2024 17:14

Oh bloody hell.

If you think he could be dangerous to you or your children, I wouldn't go down the route of having fun with it. As pp said, have it accidentally fall out on your drive and leave it there under a bush or something.

If you're confident he's harmless, have fun with it.

If you want to freak him out, I agree with pp about posting it to him!

Waxwin9 · 17/01/2024 17:15

I would be concerned he is tracking your phone too. can you change it?

SecondUsername4me · 17/01/2024 17:15

Don't say a word.

Find it. Is the location passable as "dropped it" or purposefully hidden?

Then I'd either keep it in the house for the entire time, post it somewhere random (strip club??), or go drop it off a bridge or pier.

If the family photos are coming into a WhatsApp chat, mute them.

Does he have someone there with him who you are really close to? Eg are you and his sister close? If so I'd private message them, or even dh-: "eek pics look lush but it's getting on top of me seeing you all sunning yourselves while I'm elbows deep in nappies - can you have a word with your lot? I'll love hearing all about it when you are all back but the photos are overwhelming while im in the thick of it"

EmailAddress · 17/01/2024 17:15

People only act like this thinking other people are cheating when they are cheating themselves. Why would he track you with a new born and WTAF would he leave you with a baby for 3 weeks!
It doesn’t sound like a loving or supportive relationship.

i would get a friend to collect it and drive it around, preferably if he knows they are male…..

Fionaville · 17/01/2024 17:15

I can't get past him leaving you at home for 3 weeks while he's gone on holiday. That alone speaks volumes about his character!
We have a family app where we all have each others phone on tracker (me, DH and DCs) I don't see anything wrong with this, it's a big help. But I'd have a big problem with just one person, tracking the other and especially in secret.

Workawayxx · 17/01/2024 17:16

I'd do this...
How to stop an AirTag from tracking you?

  1. Push down and twist counterclockwise on the back of the AirTag.
  2. Take the cover off and remove the battery. With the battery removed, the device can't send its location to its owner.

Then see his reaction when it disappears and he can't track you but deny all knowledge of finding it. I'd also switch off "Find my iphone" or maybe even buy a cheap PAYG, switch your phone off and tell him you've lost your other phone.

SisterSabotage · 17/01/2024 17:16

andymary · 17/01/2024 16:59

Why not just ask him? He's probably put one in the car for general reasons when he put one in his own suitcase, and just not bothered to tell you. Doesn't mean to say he's spying on you.

😆 🤣

flexigirl · 17/01/2024 17:17

This feels really sinister . He either doesn't trust you or trusts you but wants to control you . Either option doesn't look great for the marriage op - what a nightmare ! It would make me feel really paranoid that I'm being watched all the time . Block him from your phone while he is away and let him work it out for himself , meanwhile you could just even keep the tag in the house, seems like that would annoy him as he clearly wants to track your every move

CranfordScones · 17/01/2024 17:18

Drive to the police station - park the car there for a while. Then do that same for a prominent solicitor's office.

Sarvanga38 · 17/01/2024 17:18

KimKardassion · 17/01/2024 17:06

Put it in an envelope and post it to where he’s staying now.

Yes, this would be fun too. Nice note saying 'I think you lost this?', smiley face.

ManateeFair · 17/01/2024 17:18

I'm just so upset and don't know why

I'd imagine it's because this is bizarre, controlling and duplicitous behaviour from your husband. I'd be absolutely livid if my partner was tracking my movements like that. Horrible.

renomeno · 17/01/2024 17:19

If he bought a load to put in his luggage maybe he just thought to put the spare ones in both cars, golf bag, road bike etc?

Fair enough he should have told you but may have been something that got forgotten in the rush of going away. It's probably not about your whereabouts but the safety/location of the car etc.

Aposterhasnoname · 17/01/2024 17:19

God I’d be fuming, absolutely fuming. I’m off to Jamaica in a week, send it to me, I’ll take it with me.

PaminaMozart · 17/01/2024 17:19

I'd forget about weird/funny ways of getting back at him and focus on where you want to go with your marriage.

The fact that he has left you for 3 weeks to have fun with his family, while you are having to cope with small children and a newborn, suggests to me that things must be quite seriously wrong.

Personally I'd get copies of all his financial documents and see a competent family solicitor. And have a plan in place by the time he gets back.

Edited for typos.