Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

Bit rash that!! Leaving without talking it through? They have kids. He may not deserve that, we don’t know him he could be a really nice guy who’s just paranoid and needs reassurance. He might have a reason for worrying. That’s not our decision that’s the OPs choice she knows him.

If he’s playing games I’d play too!
That also means that he would have to have a conversation about it

It means nothing of the sort. A lot of abusive men skip the 'having a conversation' step and go straight to violence. Or murder.

Love the idea of putting in someone else's car that gets my vote.

If he's tracking you then it's probably him who's up to no good. It's ridiculous he thinks you have the time, but my friend's husband did a similar thing to her when she had a newborn (he was tracking her iPhone). Wishful thinking on their part, trying to relieve their own guilt and justify their infidelity.

Why don’t you take the car and ipad to a garage and ask them if they can locate, you can say you have absolutely no idea how or why it’s there.

My first thought would be he is having an affair if he is that suspicious of OP. People tend to project onto others the bad things they are doing.

OP, I'd check your phone for spyware. I have no idea how to do this but google it (not on your phone). I'd talk to the police about the airtag.

I'd also consult a lawyer about divorce and get proof of the airtag via police for this.

The way I would be parking my car in the most random places for several hours at a time - anyone you can lend it to that is driving a bit further away? Play silly games win silly prizes

Have you considered that he’s not away for the full 3 weeks and he wants to know your locations if he’s up to no good. As opposed to him checking up on you xx

I know it sounds amusing to put the tracker in another car, but that's a good way to trigger a violent outburst from an abuser.

Tell him the car broke down and when someone came to look at it they found a tracking device , and because you told them you had no idea what it was doing there so they are going to report it to the police.

This would have been ideal when my car was stolen few weeks ago!! But no I would not be happy. Whats he said

Lots of really good advice on here OP (not the ones advising removing the tag and posting it places etc!)
Where is your partners car at the mo? Has he left it at home? Could you locate the tag and put it in his car, then get all your paperwork together and get yourself and the kids to safety at your mams house?
He may not suspect anything if the tag still reads as being at your home.

I hope you find the strength to leave this horrible family. Xx

The OP hasn't posted since Wednesday. Don't think she's coming back tbh.

@ZeeB68

Someone further up on this thread stated that they thought your partner (spouse?) has gone to Pakistan for three weeks because he’s probably having an arranged marriage out there. I agree that this is quite likely to be the case.

I also agree that he wants to lure you and the children out to Pakistan in the next few weeks for a wedding celebration…..and the mother-in-law (and possibly new wife) will retain the children and raise them according to their cultural norms. I assume you won’t have the money to engage lawyers to get the children returned to the UK and it can take years through the Courts in Pakistan.

The problem for you is that “Keeping a child in another country after an agreed holiday or visit is a type of parental child abduction known as WRONGFUL RETENTION. Wrongful retention is NOT currently a criminal offence in the UK”

• Source: Reunite International Child Abduction Centre 2020

Please DO NOT allow your children to go to Pakistan! You may never get them back.

There are some steps you could take to prevent international child abduction in case your partner and/or MIL put pressure on you for the children to go on ‘holiday’ to Pakistan to meet relatives there (even if you’re not going) and you fear that they may not come back and they are outlined in the Reunite website. They also have a telephone helpline for advice. I don’t know what the procedure would be if your partner has managed to get Pakistani passports for the children though:

www.reunite.org

Do not do anything that will make him aware you know about the air tag. If you can find it take it out of the car and every time you do something that is part of your normal routine take it with you. When you go an get advice on the logistics of how to leave, leave the air tag at home.
If you can't find it, use your car for all of your trips part of your normal routine and use someone else's car, taxis or public transport to get advice on how to leave.

Gather all of the birth certificates, pack an emergency bag with 3 days of clothing and essentials for you and the children. Gather cash. If you have limited access without drawing attention to you plans get cash back out every time you use your card in a shop. Enough to be useful not so much that it would draw attention to your intentions. Find the details of all bank accounts and if you can't go to a bank and look at getting a current account in your own name. Start setting up your life away from abuse

Be careful don't step a foot out of line into you are ready to run. One of the most dangerous times to be in an abusive relationship is when you are preparing to leave as they know there control is slipping and they will do anything to regain it and "put you in your place". You have what is left your three weeks use them wisely.

Get a new phone - pay cash or get someone to buy it for you
Get a new email address
Change password and contact details on all online account

My sister's husband used to follow her whereabouts using her phone. He had set her phone up so he got a copy of all of her texts. Her emails were automatically forwarded to him. She wasn't allowed the password to her email account or pc.
The week she left him his abuse rapidly escalated but this was 10 years ago now and she has never looked back

@Roaminginthegloaming can you message OP with this information?

Really concerned the op is going to bury their head in the sand, continue to arrange to go off to Pakistan for their planned stay there, and end up without her children. 😔

Tell him you'e found it in the car and reported it to the police as clearly some nutter is trying to track you. That'll give him something to think about 👍

I would really get legal advice, go and find a safe place for you and your children and put the tag in a bottle and through it out to sea

Sorry, OP. I've read more now and I agree with others that this could be a dangerous situation. It may be that at some point you should contact the police, but you should make plans first and do your best to ensure the safety of you and your children. Very best of luck

I'd take a picture of it and send a message with something like 'think this fell out of your bag. Have taken it out and put in your drawer / wherever he keeps his stuff'.

I wouldn't be happy at all!

The OP is in a very abusive relationship and could be in a lot of danger. She should not be alerting him to the fact that she found anything.

The OP also stopped posting over a week ago. We're all just talking to ourselves.

Just because she isn't posting it doesn't mean she isn't reading and when she is ready she will be back whether it's this thread or a new one.

I thought Mumsnet closed this thread?? The OP hasn’t been back for an age