Husband has put an apple airtag in my car!

[ZeeB68]

Don't know if I Abu or not but my husband has gone abroad for 3 weeks for his brothers wedding and left me at home with the kids, our youngest is only 13 weeks old.
He's been gone since Sunday evening and today as I had just arrived back from doing the school run dropping off my older 2 children I had an tracker alert on my phone that says an airtag tracker has been detected and it showed me every where I had been that morning on the map. I was very confused at first as I didn't know what it was as i didnt know what an apple airtag was up until a few days ago, when my husband bought some to put in his suitcases before travelling, I know it 100% in my car, one because it showed everywhere I'd been that morning, and when I pressed " play sound" I could hear it beeping inside the back of my car! He's obviously hidden in it the day before he travelled when he went to fill my car up with petrol before he left.
I'm just so upset and don't know why. Surely if it was for safety with him being away from home he would have told me before putting it in there?
He doesn't know I know, I'm pretty sure he also doesn't know that my phone would detect it and give me an alert. I haven't said anything to him yet, I don't know what to say.
Aibu to think he is spying on me and tracking me or could it really be he's thinking about safety? But then I just think he would have said something. I'm really upset about it all knowing he's hid a tracker in the back of my car.

He's going to pretend that its for if the car ever gets stolen. And he will justify this stance by saying that he's done the same with his luggage. It's not. This is about control.
I also think that it's hideous that he's left you for 3 weeks with a newborn baby and young children.

@ZeeB68 did you ever find it? I LOVE the idea of putting it in someone else’s car, it’s genius!! Then you’d also know if he’s actually following your movements, especially if it was parked somewhere else overnight with just the occasional visit to yours! They’d need to be in on it.

We have one in ours as it’s a luxury sports 4x4, and rather than fit a tracker we use an air tag and fitted a difference security device instead. Best will in the world im not sure that applies to a Nissan!!

Perhaps it dropped there. You do realise most new cars (certain price range) are trackable via an app showing last journeys etc and times so I don’t know why people get so wound up over air tags. Soon our every move will be visible to everyone!

Typical mumsnet serious over reaction 😂

His behaviour, going to the wedding for so long, and tracking you is so controlling. It's as though you are some sort of inferior creature that is there to birth children and that you belong to him. He doesn't trust you, yet you don't have access to his airtags in his suitcase. He's allowed to go out every night and behave as a single man with no responsibilities abroad. This is highly misogynistic behaviour. The fact that he chooses what the family money is spent on is also evidence of this. It's as though he wants to show off his wealth, power (including power over you) and status by going out to his brother's wedding twice and splashing the cash when he's out there.

You are not an equal here OP. I would seriously be considering my future with this man. Unless he is happy to do the bulk of the childcare and get up in the night with your baby and give you weekends off to go out and do what you want when he gets back, he is a complete prick. And that's before you even consider the tracking issue.

Comedy gold these replies

Maybe RTWT?

OP is in an abusive relationship with a controlling partner.

If you find that funny, you need to look to yourself, really. It's been made clear all over the thread.

I would be pretty concerned by this, especially as you are completely absorbed in a newborn and caring for the other children.

I Don’t know how you get phone checked but it’s worth going into a phone store, of these ones that repair screen, fix faults etc to ask someone to help. Just to put your mind at rest.

if and when you confront him, he is going to say he put it there for safety reasons, isn’t he. You need to think about how you make him understand that it’s not okay to do things like that without discussion.

Made me wonder if there are other signs of control, the law changed last year and this would be taken as a sign of coercive control, so if you were in any way worried about your safety and husbands behaviour, you could speak to police to say a tracker has appeared in you car and they would investigate and as a minimum create a record, could be helpful if there was another incident? Link to the changes below.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/criminal-law-information/coercive-control-and-the-law/

@ZeeB68
Reading your other threads it's worrying that your MIL is incredibly controlling and that your DH always takes her side. From what you say he's never stood up to her to back you up.

He doesn't seem to see you as a loved, equal partner and I very much doubt the Air tag in your car accidental.

Your MIL also seems to dislike British ways. If DH takes the kids to Pakistan for the wedding is there a risk that he might not bring them back?

I’d be worried that he’s setting up stuff now so that when you take the kids over in April, somehow he makes it difficult for you to return home with the kids.
The family might not want you but they might want the kids!

Where are their birth certificates? He hasn’t taken those or anything has he?

What a creep. Unless there is a genuine reason behind it. Be hard to see really 😕 I would find it too and leave it somewhere random. Or drive to random places and leave his imagination to torture him.

Could you take your car to a Nissan garage and say that there is a strange beeping noise in part of the car and could they find out where it is coming from?

Why were you and the kids not invited to the wedding and why 3 weeks unless it's a culture thing.

Text him every day asking what he has been doing. Can you ping the airtag in his suitcase or didn't he put one in it and just your car

He’s checking you don’t go to a lawyer or even go as far as leave him while he’s away? Whatever the reason he doesn’t sound like a good person, very controlling and selfish.

Who goes away for 3 weeks to attend a wedding? Let alone someone with a newborn at home?!

Hi OP

Bit head spinning. If you have somewhere safe to do so I would start writing down events like this. With dates and times.

You don’t have to be confrontational about it- you can say- “did you lose an air tracker because I found one in my car?” If he has hidden it you can say there was a spillage that you were cleaning up and came across it.

Then it means you can take it out, and not be tracked, and he still doesn’t know that you can get notifications . So if he does it again you will know for sure.

But document everything if you are worried

Because if you wanted to track your car in case it was stolen you would say hey wife I've got a spare airtag why don't I put one in the car in case it's stolen

Seems v odd he didn’t tell you. Dh and I have find my phone on each other - can be useful for me to see how far he is from
home when doing dinner or still at work etc. But the difference is we know.
Even if he’s done it for security reasons, he should’ve told you. If not, then well dodgy.

Did you find it Op?
more importantly, are you ok?

I would give it to someone working in the red light district. Purely for their safety, of course

I would definitely leave it somewhere overnight, a friends house or a hotel 😄
If he’s playing games I’d play too!
That also means that he would have to have a conversation about it and getting what he has done. and when you tell him what you had done, that means he can’t outplay you girl!
and then you can have a serious conversation about trust x good luck
also, he could be tracking you on his phone which is much easier and free to do anyway, so I would consider the possibility that he has dropped it by accident out of his suitcase.

If he’s playing games I’d play too

@Thismumsaraver Because stalking is a good game to play in a healthy relationship? Bit like Scrabble or something?

When you find out that your partner is a game player, you take steps to leave. You don't join in.

Mmm. Or you could just say someone has put an AirTag inside it. Because if they find it they will know it’s an AirTag. And it only beeps when you ask it to. With an iPhone.