“The problem with children these days is that they need a bloody good hiding”

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

Said by a relative in his 70s.

I’m noticing that the older generation (over 60s) seem to think that although they were beaten to a pulp, they still think this is the correct way to bring children up.

We have Autism and ADHD in our wider family. Older relatives don’t seem to be very tolerant of this and keep implying that the cause of this is too soft parenting.

A relative was having a debate with me the other day saying how parenting was much better in his day, police could hit you, teachers used to cane you etc and how there wasn’t the behaviour that we have these days.

He was very defensive when I told him that I’m very glad all that has been abolished.

“Yeah, but we didn’t have teenagers stabbing each other back then”

Hes one of a few people I’ve come across lately who is all for hitting children.

It seems to be were Autism and ADHD children are concerned that it seems to provoke people saying this

Totally this.

@NonPlayerCharacter yes, that’s a very good point actually

No one deserves to by physically assaulted.

Speaking as someone who was beaten regularly with a long handled clothes brush (by my mother) who would say 'get your hands out of the way - I will break your fingers'.. when I tried to cover my bottom and legs, I would say it was an accepted form of punishment doled out by people who did not know any better, no matter how intelligent they were.

My mother was a horrible woman. I will never forget the beatings and the unkind way she raised me, making me feel less of a person than anyone else.

I always marvel at people who can't see the difference between a smacked bottom and a beating. I think the law in England has the right balance. I'm not convinced in general that we have the right balance at the moment, with teachers saying this generation of kids is the worst-behaved they have ever seen. I am not advocating beatings, but there seem to be a lot of kids who face no consequences (which doesn't necessarily have to be smacking).

Kids nowadays don't get disciplined properly

Oh shut up with your generalisations! Your own disfunctional family are not representative of ‘ the older generation’. I was born in the 60’s and indeed was roughly treated, it didn’t mean I agreed with this and certainly never perpetuated it with my own children!

The difference between 'smacking' and 'beating' is the use of minimising language for one of theses acts of violence and in some cases the number of times the child is hit.

I prefer the law in Scotland and Wales which provides children with the same protection from violence as adults.

I always marvel at people who can't see the difference between a smacked bottom and a beating.

Must be nice to marvel so easily. Some of us are appalled and disgusted that even after decades of research proving that smacking is a shitty technique associated with all negative outcomes and whose practitioners tend to lower intelligence, some people still think hitting kids is acceptable.

I always marvel at people who don’t see that any form of violence towards children is abuse. If your partner smacked you, it would rightly be called abuse. If a carer smacked a disabled/elderly/vulnerable person, it would rightly be called abuse.

I love my children more than anyone and anything. At no point do I ever think I should hurt them to teach them a lesson. There are consequences for poor behaviour but never ever abuse.

It's not because your relative is older that he thinks that way it's because he is ignorant.
I am that age group and I don't believe in corporal punishment or smacking children in any form .
I saw too much of that when I was growing up to think it's ever a good idea.

And did you do anything about what you had witnessed?

Ugh, I'm so sick of "ageism" being thrown around whenever anyone notes quite obvious generational differences and scientifically established biological realities. Aging dramatically changes brain function, making it harder to think critically, process new information or react quickly. This is why no one over 60 should be in politics and, honestly, be driving.

I think hitting children is abhorent.

Physical assault against adults is a crime, it needs to be the same for children.

This is why no one over 60 should be in politics and, honestly, be driving.

What?!? My parents and my PIL are all over 60 (well, DM nearly 60) and they are all perfectly capable of driving. They aren’t in politics but my FIL has been very high up in HR for a long time and my DF is a director. They are both very good at their jobs. Neither DM or MIL work but both completely in control of their minds. DM reminds me of things as I currently have baby brain!

ignore them. Theyre thick

@FreshInOurHearts "This is why no one over 60 should be in politics and, honestly, be driving."🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

But that's a false equivalence. The relationship between a parent and child is not the same as that of adult partners.

There are lots of discipline methods used for children that would be termed 'abuse' in an adult relationship, e.g. grounding, removal of devices.

@FreshInOurHearts 😂😂😂

The relationship between a parent and child is not the same as that of adult partners.

No, you're right. One is far smaller, weaker and dependent and has no choice but to be in the relationship, and the other is responsible for caregiving, welfare and setting an example to live by.

Which is why it's arguably worse to use assault as a communication method with them than with another adult. Oh, and your adult partner partner could hit you right back. So interesting how smacking ceases to be a brilliant parenting option as soon as the child can defend themselves against you. I wonder why!

Ok, we'll have to agree to differ. I was smacked as a child and I don't see myself as having been assaulted. Obviously it was occasional and not with objects, etc.

But as I say, all 'consequences' have a negative impact on the child. I've never met anyone who was occasionally smacked (most of my generation) who is traumatised by it. There is a huge difference between that and regular beatings.

Whatever we (collectively as a generation of parents) are doing at the moment, it seems to me that more children than ever are in a mental health crisis and more children are badly behaved at school. Parenting methods come and go - I am not so certain we've got ours right.

I'm not saying they all need a good hiding, just musing what the answer is.

I am not ever going to agree to differ with you on this. It is not a matter of opinion. You. Are. Wrong.

The research is done, the stats and facts are in. It is a shitty technique that is associated with every bad outcome including trauma and reduced intelligence, and smackers themselves have been found as a group to tend towards lower intelligence, which really shouldn't surprise anyone. There's no argument about it any more. So when someone comes along insisting that it's fine and dandy when we objectively know that it isn't, one does have to wonder... why?

I've never met anyone who was occasionally smacked (most of my generation) who is traumatised by it.

Well first of all, you don't know this, and again, the research is against you. But have you noticed how often hitters do this? Justify it with "well it didn't cause PTSD"?

Is that the best parenting you aspire to? Your bar must be on the floor.

There's no agreeing to differ when it comes to assaulting children and ignoring decades of sound research because of lazy thinking and an itch for handsiness. I get that you don't want to accept that your parents made a mistake, albeit a common one, but they did. Smacking is shitty parenting and now that we know that, it's arguably worse to defend it now than 30 years ago.

@NonPlayerCharacter my late husband used the 'well, it didn't do me any harm' argument. He had zero self esteem, depression and became alcohol dependent. All of that cost him his marriage, his kids, his house, his job and his life. But he was fiiiiiine.

I'm not saying things would have been different if his parents hadn't hit him, but maybe as parents it's a chance we shouldn't take.

I'm not saying they all need a good hiding, just musing what the answer is

The answer is not violence.

I've noticed something similar. People insisting they're not harmed and they quite clearly are. I'm sure hitting wasn't the only thing his parents did wrong, but to think that's OK is to accept a constellation of other things too.

I guess nobody likes to accept that they are damaged, and nobody likes to accept that their parents made a mistake. But there is such an enormous difference between "they didn't know any better back then but nowadays we do" and "didn't do me any harm, stuff the new knowledge".

The latter, frustratingly, is an example of how hitting shuts down cognitive thinking. Why wouldn't it, when that's literally how it works? Don't do this, not because of consideration or empathy or morality or anything hard to understand, but because you'll get hit if you do. No thinking required for the hitter or the victim.