“The problem with children these days is that they need a bloody good hiding”

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

Said by a relative in his 70s.

I’m noticing that the older generation (over 60s) seem to think that although they were beaten to a pulp, they still think this is the correct way to bring children up.

We have Autism and ADHD in our wider family. Older relatives don’t seem to be very tolerant of this and keep implying that the cause of this is too soft parenting.

A relative was having a debate with me the other day saying how parenting was much better in his day, police could hit you, teachers used to cane you etc and how there wasn’t the behaviour that we have these days.

He was very defensive when I told him that I’m very glad all that has been abolished.

“Yeah, but we didn’t have teenagers stabbing each other back then”

Hes one of a few people I’ve come across lately who is all for hitting children.

It seems to be were Autism and ADHD children are concerned that it seems to provoke people saying this

Also older parents are more likely to have autistic children and the average maternal age is increasing, plus the average age a couple can actually conceive thanks to IVF etc.

This may be like my dad who said boarding school never did him any harm until I questioned why he was so anti it for us and why he had always said he never forgave his mother for sending him to one. Older people start to forget how bloody awful it used to be!

“Yeah, but we didn’t have teenagers stabbing each other back then” Really? So gangs of mods and rickers didn't meet up on a Friday night for a massive brawl, with knives..? Teddy boys weren't known for carrying flick knives..?
Teenagers were TWICE as likely to carry a knife in the 1960s. they were also twice as likely to be the victim of a physical/sexual attack. He's delusional.

Exactly. Its a complete myth that years ago there were no social issues or anti social behaviour- there was plenty. A "good hiding" didnt stop that did it?

Rose tinted glasses are an actual chemical brain mechanism that happens to enable humans to cope with life, it's literally a cognitive function of survival and we are all susceptible to it.

Ruling children with fear is never the right way. These problems absolutely were around in the past, they were just ignored. I did have sensory issues around food (late diagnosed autistic) and was forced to eat, while crying and gagging, because I was seen to be behaving badly instead of having a real issue. I then developed an eating disorder to try to gain back some control around food. I was also shouted at often and hit on multiple occasions.

Surprisingly, all those ‘ruling with fear’ techniques just made me resent and distrust my parents, and made me very sneaky and good at getting away with things without being caught. I’m so glad gentle parenting is so popular now, and people don’t see children as naughty little adults who have to essentially be beaten into submission!

Many thanks for all your replies.

i really don’t know anyone that wasn’t smacked who are now in the older generation.

when I was smacked as a child, and I’ve questioned it as an adult, I’ve simply been told everyone did it, it’s what was the norm back then.

seems SpongeBob is alittle over invested in this thread as I’ve woken up to a message accusing me of being a troll 🙄🤔

I don't agree with resorting to physical punishment.

But then I also agree there's too much permissive parenting nowadays.

Somewhere in the middle where "no" means "no" and consequences are seen as fair would work.

But then again I don't agree with the strictness of some schools either who are trying to rein it back. I was with my friend Friday when she got a call to say her ds was spending a whole day in isolation for making a comment when they were told they had another cover teacher for a week after their teacher left at Christmas. This is their 4th teacher since the start of term.

If we could teach children appropriate ways to communicate and also allow them to have a voice things would be better.

You can have consequences and understanding alongside each other and I think this is what we've lost.

I’m noticing that the older generation (over 60s) seem to think that although they were beaten to a pulp, they still think this is the correct way to bring children up

We have Autism and ADHD in our wider family. Older relatives don’t seem to be very tolerant of this and keep implying that the cause of this is too soft parenting

I am sorry you have unpleasant relatives.

However that doesn't excuse your nasty ageism.

Sad to see that yet again @MNHQ tolerate these kind of prejudiced and bigoted threads.

My mum would only smack me if I had done something seriously bad and considering I was quite well behaved usually, that wasn't very often at all. But it was deserved when it happened… I totally despair of modern day, wishy washy parenting… My mum and I were very close and I approved of how she raised me. I see nothing wrong with that at all. The PC brigade have put paid to any semblance of decent parenting.

Whilst you don’t out and out state it, it’s apparent to anyone reading your post that you think violence against children is ok. No child deserves to be abused, no matter how bad their behaviour! That’s not me being PC but me being a decent human who believes children should have as many rights as adults to be safe from harm. If you wouldn’t approve of the same tactics to correct the behaviour of a spouse, elderly person, ND person, colleague, employee… then you shouldn’t be using it against children just because they’re smaller and more vulnerable than adults.

"I was smacked as a child, I'm 54 now, but I wasn't "beaten to a pulp" or "battered"! Those are just ridiculous glib statements from people who think a " tap" is bordering on being beaten to a pulp! And it taught me right from wrong. My mum would only smack me if I had done something seriously bad and considering I was quite well behaved usually, that wasn't very often at all. But it was deserved when it happened."

It's known now, of course, that stunted thinking is one of the outcomes of smacking (it's got a hand, ha ha, in literally every bad outcome there is), but the cognitive dissonance still never fails to amaze me. All this text about why hitting children is fine, and the poster still truly thinks she didn't say it.

You can't reason with this. You can only expose it for the benefit of everyone who is still capable of seeing it.

Just as ageist as the OP

My parents and plenty of their friends are 70+ and they've never supported corporal punishment. I was smacked on my bum on two occasions (I was a good kid) by my mum who has regretted it ever since and believes it was a loss of control on her part, rather than an effective consequence for fairly standard child behaviour. My dad has said he believes there was one teacher at his school (Boys school) in particular who likely got a kick out of using the cane on little boys' bottoms.

But. I do think that generation struggles to understand conditions like asd and adhd. Remember that it's only comparatively recently that adhd became known about and for a long time (even now?) people blamed poor parenting and refused to accept that it was a valid neurological condition. Kids back then were 'naughty' and they didn't have the benefit of behavioural psychologists to explain that behaviour is communication and bad behaviour is an indication that something is causing it (whether that's conditions like adhd or life situations).

I had a conversation with my parents recently about this (nephews both have asd and adhd, and dd is undergoing assessment). They're both pretty intelligent people, but both said that it's strange all this wasn't around back in their day. I pointed out that it was, it just wasn't recognised. The kids who struggled were the ones standing in the corner with a 'dunce' label. The kids who struggled likely became the adults who dropped out of society.

Both my parents came from the silent generation. Both hit me on a regular basis for the slightest misdemeanours, occasionally getting the belt out to give me a good thrashing. My mum totally lost control once and ended up sobbing afterwards, saying sorry over and over. My dad liked having power over me, he was a bully and I was terrified of him.

My mum's dad was a violent bully, my dad's dad wasn't.

I don't think just because my parents were like this that all silent generation people were. Although I do believe it was a lot more prevalent than in any generation since.

I’m 75, my late brother and sister born 1936 and 1938 respectively and I can’t recall a time when we were hit or really shouted at. Mum would raise her voice to us but not scream in our faces. My dads raised eyebrows were the scariest thing about him. He’d hear mums raised voice and give us the ‘look’. Nothing ever followed the look, it was an unspoken ‘enough’

Oh for FFS - I'm over 60 and was never beaten to a pulp, nor do I think it's acceptable to hit children. I don't even carry a whip when I'm horse riding.

Actually, the key factors as to whether a child grows up to get involved in knife crime are 1) absent fathers 2) lack of external motivation and incentive to achieve

(obviously not condoning the things you mentioned, which are heinous will invariably mess poor children up in many ways, but if you're talking about knife crime, it's those 2 factors that are the key determinants)

I have never believed in hitting, never hit my child but yes I totally think we have gone too far the other way from

the 'olden days'

Ignore. I’ve got 2 really well behaved respectful teens and I’ve never laid a finger on them. What they mean is some parents are too soft and let their kids rule the roost and walk all over them. I see it on here and other social media all the time.

Erm, actually the default position SHOULD be to do what a teacher or police officer says. And it's the loss of this basic expectation that has led to the total change of the dynamic in thr classroom. You can both teach a child when to make exceptions for the sake of morality and safety, and to generally respect service providers who have authority.

Not that OP is coming back to this 🙄 but…

Corporal punishment in schools was abolished by the Education Act (1986).

That doesn’t happen overnight - there’s a few years of legislative process, and before that the social sea change that prompts it.

So the people in their 20s in 1975 are now in their 70s. And that’s generously assuming that change came from the youngest adult generation.

So OP, it wasn’t you that protected children in schools - it’s the age group you’re sweepingly denigrating.

Erm, actually the default position SHOULD be to do what a teacher or police officer says.

Yes, but it's worth remembering that one reason why our police aren't armed except in particular circumstances is because we are supposed to be "policed by consent".

Why on earth would I be suggesting that there is no place for positive guidance and teaching, as well as disciplining bad behaviour?
I'm not saying that you shouldn't teach your children positively why they SHOULD do certain things or have certain attitudes. That's just obvious. I'm just saying that we need to maintain the basic principle of submitting to authorities, whilst also learning about the rare instances in which we should make exceptions for the sake of morality and safety. We needn't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Have you reflected at all on the feedback regarding your horrible ageism?

I do think though that Peelian principle is increasingly redundant in the modern world. I don't support the routine arming of our police officers, but society is now a long way from the days of Robert Peel, for better and for worse.

You're generalising about teens. My son is a teenager and he and all of his friends don't have poor behaviour. Quite the opposite. They ate all at college, work pt too, are very driven and committed to their futures and when they do go out less drink, nobody smokes and thankfully, violence isn't involved. Most teens are quietly getting on with life. It's the minority stabbing people and running wild that we hear about.