To have told the lady off in the bed opposite; hospital stay

[Celticliving]

Hi All

I'm very poorly with asthma and lung infection at the moment and have been in hospital since Sunday.

The poor old lady opposite me has dementia and has been chanting/shouting very loudly the whole time I have been here. It's not bothered me at all, though obviously its difficult to rest - she can't help it though.

Another lady was admitted to the bed next to her yesterday morning. Since then, all she has done is shout "oh, shut up," "FFS" etc. She even asked the nurse how long she has to put up with 'that bloody screaming' for.

She's just walked past my bed, tutting and rolling her eyes.

I said "you know she can't help it right!". Reply; 'Whatever'.

I said "You know that might be you one day". Reply; I don't think so.

She's not even hiding these comments and the poor lady's family are looking pretty upset.

Well she sounds like a right charmer.

Can ward staff get involved?

I will be asking the nurse to get involved if it doesn't stop.

Though TBF, she did just say "I know I need to try and change my mindset because she can't help it."

The lady's family don't have to listen to it while they are trying to recover so they can look as upset as they want.

I think you should keep out of it. It might not bother you but it does bother someone else.

The chanting / shouting would irritate even the most patient of people. A quiet word with the staff to see whether she can be moved periodically or moved to a private room would be useful. It means at least everyone would be guaranteed a good night's sleep at least a few nights while she is there.

I had a bed beside a woman with tourettes last year while I was very unwell and I lost my mind by the end of the stay. People with disabilities aren't immune to being annoying. Regardless of whether they can help it or not.

The reality is nobody is their best in a vulnerable state. And her reaction could indeed be an indication of her own illness.

My poor mum is in and out of hospital she is dying. her capacity to deal with anything is now sadly beyond her. She normally would be the most compassionate and caring person but the ammonia travelling to her brain is impacting her cognitive function. And she has no patience for someone ill or impacting on her little time left and sleep. But she looks, talks and appears fine and simply unkind, it's heart breaking.

Ignore let the nurses or HCA intervene. Hospitals are really let down by not having someone on the ward and have quite areas for those that need it.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.

To be fair though, you don't know what's 'wrong' with the lady making the comments.

You might not be distressed by all the screaming but a lot of people would be. Even if the old lady can't help it. Being in hospital is stressful enough.

Can you speak to the nursing staff?

Oh dear. It is so difficult being on a shared ward. I was close to creeping over to the woman opposite me and smothering her with a pillow last time I was in. Her family had smuggled in a litre of vodka for her and poured it into a water jug. She kept me awake all night shouting and pissing the bed, requiring changes.

It is very unkind to say those things but everyone in hospital is going through a horrible time.

I hope you’re feeling better soon OP.

She’s not going about it the right way, but if she’s ill and can’t rest properly with chanting and shouting I feel sorry for both of them.

Oh, dear, OP, I hope you’re managing to get some sleep! Very difficult for the other patients.

Last winter I was in for 3 weeks, shifted around various wards. In a couple there were women with dementia but they were mostly fairly quiet - except for the one who called across to me in a very loud, imperious voice (the sort you imagine ordering servants about, ’I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you leave! Because I didn’t invite you and I wasn’t expecting you!’ 😂

At least it livened up my day!

Of course that sort of thing can be annoying. I would find it really annoying listening to outbursts/chanting etc all day too. What I would not do, however, is keep shouting at the other person to shut up, because they clearly cannot help it and shouting at them is therefore pointless and unkind. Being irritated is one thing. Taking that out on the person who absolutely cannot do a thing about it (and in this case, is already distressed and probably doesn't know where they are and why they're being shouted at) is absolutely horrible.

My dad has Parkinson's disease and therefore can't control his movements very well. When he was in hospital having an (unrelated) operation his dyskinesia was really bad because the surgery messed with the timing/effects of his medications etc. I don't doubt that his constant thrashing about in his bed was massively annoying for the men near him on the ward - it's very hard to ignore. But none of them shouted 'Jesus, will you just keep still for fucks' sake?' at him because, luckily, none of them were complete cunts.

She can't help it, but the staff can help were they put her. Hospitals are becoming places were you can't rest and recover. Often other patients become the safeguarders of dementia patients. As unpopular as this view is, often now people are under medicated, given the circumstances. I know that this is in response to the once over medication, but sometimes a needed change is blocked by family. We need a therapist, similar to play therapists in children's hospitals. Many patients who like to fiddle (for want of a better word) would benefit from sensory/fidget toys so they don't pull on their drip wires etc.

It's a difficult situation all round by the sounds of it. I wouldn't have said anything.

I would be careful making assumptions about the mental state of the woman who’s making negative comments - you have no idea of what she is having to deal with herself. And whilst you might be able to tolerate it, for a million different possible reasons, she clearly cannot, but that doesn’t make her a bad person. Being in hospital, in a vulnerable state, does devastating things to people’s minds. Keep your nose out of it.

You are not the ward queen and can't dictate that others tolerate the same things that you do.

The woman complaining about the noise has every right to do so and is she says it in front of the family then the family can address any problems by speaking directly to the woman or to hospitals staff.

You say you can tolerate the chanting but yet you can't tolerate another patient who is frustrated and upset at being disturbed.

I hope you reported the vodka!

My Dad was in hospital (end of life) and the patient next door was screaming, shouting and exposing himself. Not his fault however my Dad was unable to rest and was himself becoming increasingly depressed at a time where he should be able to live out his last few weeks in comfort. I think that there needs to be more planning when it comes to accommodating patients who have additional needs which might impact on the other 7 people on the ward. Of course to do that we need to increase the number of hospital beds available which is currently well below average (average is 5 per 1000 people, believe the UK is at about 2.4).

That sounds horrible op. I do think good for you for sticking up for someone vulnerable, strange that someone who wasn't there in the moment thinks you have appointmented yourself Ward Queen! You need to not get involved though, otherwise you are creating a ripple effect and will have 3 people creating, not just the original 2. Get some earphones and music on, rest and recover as quickly as possible to get the hell out of there!

I'm pleased it's not bothering you too much and I hope you recover really quickly. However, I feel sorry for everyone in this situation, everyone in hospital is poorly and therefore possibly more sensitive than they would be usually. The poor lady with dementia should be in a side room because although it is absolutely not her fault, it is also not the fault of the lady loudly complaining. It's unfair and mean of you to chastise her when you have no idea what her life is like.

I'm really sensitive to noise and a really light sleeper (even my DH turning over in bed wakes me up!) so someone chanting and shouting would literally tip me over the edge. And even though I would know it's no-one's fault, if it went on for long, I would bottle it up to a point but then end up most likely either screaming "shut up, shut up, shut up!" like an insane person or sitting with my hands over my head rocking and sobbing. Not ideal if I'm ill.

As much the poor old lady with dementia can't help herself to stop, the situation is very uncomfortable for the rest of the patients.

They complaining patient shouldn't be shouting on top of the lady, that is OTT, but I can see the frustration both sides.

YABU. The woman who is moaning probably isn’t getting any rest and this will delay her recovery. She is right next to this woman. I think it is appalling that everyone should be all together next to each other. In most civilised countries people have more space, if not a private room with en-suite facilities. I have a relative in hospital who can’t get any sleep and is about 3 feet away from another patient who is using a bed pan, just separated by a curtain. She can hear her straining and has the smell.

I think yabu - you are lucky that you are able to tolerate that kind of thing but some people would find it really stressful, upsetting and a sensory overwhelm situation and hospitals need to consider the needs of all their patients. If one patient can't help but be noisy and another patient needs quiet then those two patients can't be next to eachother. Yabu to expect other people to have the same capabilities for tuning out unwelcome noise that you seem to have. Some people can't.

Hospitals are utterly undignified and inhumane. When you are at your absolute lowest you shouldn't have to be a metre from another person with a flappy bit of curtain for "privacy".

I was on a ward with a woman who shouted 'Help' 'Help me'. At first I was was worried about her & buzzed for someone. They rolled their eyes & said she was fine she just shouts a lot & not to worry. She was quite a frail old lady. Then she was tired, she'd sleep for periods in the day which was good on one hand but not because she wouldn't sleep at night. She called for her daughter & basically she was screaming or snoring.

we had a woman who had lymphoma or something (had huge legs with bulbous bits on them. She wasn't old (I guessed in her early 40's maybe?). I felt very sorry for her, it looked SO uncomfortable. She was on a special diet but her friend & mum brought her in huge bags of sweets, chocolate, fizzy drinks & takeaways. Which obviously wasn't helping her condition, but also made her 💩 absolutely stink. She had to go on the ward because they couldn't get her too/on a toilet. It took so many of them to get her onto different things then leave her to do what she needed to do then she's to come back & longer to clean up. She was so big all over & with her huge legs it took so many if them it was hard to get enough staff together to do it. Then not long after, she'd need to go again.

she was a nice person & I felt so sorry for her having that condition, but she wasn't helping herself having that much sugar. So at times it was difficult not to get frustrated.

then there was the very old lady who was lovely! Sad situation with her useless son. Well known
eoman in the local area. She was very interesting.

the young woman who was a real reality tv type person, stinking us out with hair products & nail products, possessive boyfriend & family/friend there all the time. Never fewer than 6, usually 8. Then music/films etc no headphones.

then the old lady who kept taking off her nighty/PJ's and spread eagling on her bed. They kept re dressing her & telling her to keep her clothes on, but she really didn't have any capacity & I felt it was like torture as everytime she got to sleep they'd wake her up and dress her again🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️tbf they did occasionally just throw a sheet over her, but she'd pull it off. Her being naked didn't bother me, but the constant dressing undressing was impossible to sleep through.

we had a few others come & go....

it's a fascinating place (not that I'm rushing back) but fuck I was exhausted

all in the middle of a heat wave with windows that opened an inch, but they kept closing them 🙇🏻‍♀️

Yeah — it's not just a matter of being a snitch who wants to dob in disruptive rulebreakers out of a sense of self-righteous prissiness, or anything like that, either.

Someone who's resorting to having vodka smuggled in and who has people willing to facilitate that is presumably likely to be alcohol-dependent, and as far as I'm aware it's important that staff have a full picture of that. I know that alcohol withdrawal is dangerous, alcohol dependency can affect treatment, and people with an alcohol dependency may be receiving other drugs to help prevent some of the more dangerous withdrawal effects. And whether the person is physically dependent or not, alcohol is a drug with a lot of effects and interactions which need to be accounted for when treating someone. So for the patient's safety, presumably staff need to know that they're dependent on alcohol and that they're continuing to use it.

I mean, there are obviously other ways they can determine this, and if other patients have noticed the vodka then the staff probably have too, but if I were the other patient in this scenario and wasn't sure staff were aware of this particular thing, I wouldn't feel comfortable not reporting what I'd seen, just in case my desire not to be a telltale was putting a vulnerable (if annoying) person at risk.

Not your place to tell people off I’m afraid. If you want to get involved then the most you should do is let a member of staff know so they can see if a private room can be found.

as others have said just because the other person seems ok to you doesn’t necessarily mean that they are ok. When my Nan had dementia for instance the first signs were her losing a sense of what was appropriate behaviour and becoming easily irritated for example. You may get your wish and this lady could indeed be suffering the same awful fate

As a nurse I can see it's difficult for patients. Nobody wants to be in hospital for choice, and you have to deal with many people who are different to yourself when you are a patient. It's difficult but there will always be someone who, usually no fault of their own, will disturb other patients. We can't medically cosh them to be quiet, nor should we be allowed.
Ear plugs or head phones are often helpful though.