To have told the lady off in the bed opposite; hospital stay

[Celticliving]

Hi All

I'm very poorly with asthma and lung infection at the moment and have been in hospital since Sunday.

The poor old lady opposite me has dementia and has been chanting/shouting very loudly the whole time I have been here. It's not bothered me at all, though obviously its difficult to rest - she can't help it though.

Another lady was admitted to the bed next to her yesterday morning. Since then, all she has done is shout "oh, shut up," "FFS" etc. She even asked the nurse how long she has to put up with 'that bloody screaming' for.

She's just walked past my bed, tutting and rolling her eyes.

I said "you know she can't help it right!". Reply; 'Whatever'.

I said "You know that might be you one day". Reply; I don't think so.

She's not even hiding these comments and the poor lady's family are looking pretty upset.

Sorry but i think MEGA virtue signaling going on here. Like it would have annoyed anyone, maybe all would not have said anything but to be like oh, I didn't mind, I'm so patient and good and I told off that nasty women that did. Cringe !

Course it’s acceptable. You can be a decent human and recognise that the person cannot help it, but also understand that another person can’t help but be annoyed by it.

Presumably falls risks from sedation too? e.g. sedated person assumes they can get to the loo/mobilise to the commode/get something from their cupboard, and on top of the dementia affecting their ability to judge their own physical capabilities, the sedation further impairs their judgement, and affects their coordination on top? I know I've fallen due to impaired coordination when taking certain drugs related to those used to sedate agitated older people, and I'm relatively young and healthy.

I think most people who are ill enough to be in hospital put their needs before others. To do otherwise is extremely odd and I’m surprised, as a nurse, you think otherwise.

Ugh. When we were on the ward with newborn DD2 (recovering from c section) there was some woman loudly complaining about everything on the phone. We had our curtain pulled and FaceTimed our parents to meet their new granddaughter (Covid so they couldn’t visit) and she was shouting down the phone about people being on FaceTime and that it wasn’t appropriate. The only reason she could have known we were on FaceTime was what we were saying. There was no way anyone was in the background. Some people just like to moan and have absolutely no insight into how others might perceive them.

I refused it is unethical.

Well done.

I wonder if we've grown to accept appalling standards, under-funding and under-staffing because there is no appetite to have fully grown-up conversations about elder care, social care etc.?

I was in a meeting this morning where everyone acknowledged that the problem of social care has been agreed as substantial for decades. Now we have the forecast issue of elder care as a reality and yet we're no nearer any political party being willing to address these aspects of health and social care with radical reform because it's electoral poison.

Our standards are what we're prepared to tolerate. I'm not sure the moral harm being done to staff, nor other harms to patients and fellow patients, are tolerable. Do we need to recognise them as intolerable before there is agreement that we need to have wide-ranging social conversations and agreements about the issues?

Wtaf did I just read?
So even thoigh I've had an horrendous time waiting on my diagnosis, been sick as a dog for days, with no food and no sleep as a result of it, I'm selfish because I now want to sleep without being disrupted, when my specialist says I need sleep more than anything, I'm selfish?
Yes I'm going to put my needs first. Damn right I am. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I get out of there healthy and to my family.
You need a new job.

YABU to 'tell off' anyone
You aren't a nursery school teacher and have no idea what's going on with the other woman. She may have weeks to live and doesn't want to spend it listening to someone else screeching

I'd stay out of it if I were you OP

Different people have different triggers and levels of tolerance and you are not there to 'police' the other lady becoming angry. Your only job is to keep yourself in a good condition and now it sounds like both of them are highly irritating - I wouldn't be able to cope with either of them.

Having compassion and empathy for the lady with dementia has helped you not feel angry so now you need to find the same compassion and empathy for the angry lady.

When I was in hospital recently I was in a ward with three other beds filled with exceptionally noisy people and their friends, families, children, visitors, legal representatives, interpreters, coming and going and having loud conversations and making loud phone calls 24/7 due to different time zones. I had my noise cancel headphones and ear plugs on and that didn't even cover it.

The NHS is crap, it's gone to hell, the staff are horrific and the other patients are noisy and bonkers or exceptionally distressed. You can't recover in these circumstances and it's not dignified. What can we do? I felt like I was in a military hospital in a war zone or something. Just had to try and survive it.

The problem we all find ourselves in, NHS staff and patients alike, is political.

So many posts here saying (quite rightly, IMO) this should be happening, this shouldn't be happening, no one should be expected to be in these conditions, work in these conditions, be ill in these conditions.

We are, and we have to be, because no one can criticise the sacred cow (NHS), or suggest that it isn't working, or that demand on it will always be infinite and supply finite. It's the fifth biggest employer in the world and we are a tiny country of 70 million. I'm numerically illiterate and even I can do the maths.

Given the conditions they're working in it's amazing staff do as good a job as they do. The nurses who cared for me were wonderful and nurses, I think, are particularly undersung.

The point being that for now, at least, much as we'd like private rooms and our dignity upheld, we're stuck with what we have. Of course no one can do a thing about a shoe being launched at their bed in the middle of the night, and dementia is horrible for those around it. But noise can be tuned out, and it's possible to take small steps to make our own lives a bit more comfortable. This being so, people could sometimes be more proactive in helping themselves as well.

Unfortunately older, pre clinical as far as dementia is concerned but really intolerant people are common and often they are the ones with diagnosed dementia within a few years

YABU. You're upset at her intolerance, whilst being intolerant yourself.

She's clearly unwell or she wouldn't be in hospital and if she's struggling with sleep deprivation on top of that she can be forgiven for not acting in the best way. Are you always perfect?

My grandad has dementia and is in hospital on a shared ward. I really hope people are understanding and caring towards him because I love him very much.
But, I do appreciate that it can't be easy and I really feel for the other patients

I think this is another reason for us all to be furious at the way older people with dementia have such terrible provision for care in hospitals

When I was in hospital there was a very old lady there who had dementia and was shrieking at the top of her lungs 24/7, most of the women on the ward were really unwell after strokes/heart attacks, she did end up getting moved to a side room, you could still hear her but nowhere near as bad. I think everybody is entitled to sleep when they are unwell.

Quite and its not selfish to want to sleep in a hospital, it's one of the basic fundamentals of recovery.

I booked myself out of hospital against medical advice, following an operation- as an old lady in the ward spent all night shouting two phrases 'CMON MANDY' and 'MANDY CMON'. The nurses wouldn't even let me put cotton wool in my eyes because they said it interfered with taking my temperature.
After one night I was so tired and overwhelmed (Im also autistic) I decided I'd rather take the risk of bleeding out in my own bed

Where I work dementia patients shout at each other to "STF up" "be quiet" "stop it" etc etc they start each other off, she probably doesn't care

In my ears! Not my eyes

I am an NHS nurse currently working on an escalation area as like most hospitals we literally have no beds at all.

I can't stand it, it is breaking me and I keep complaining and completely incident formaa and no one listens. The ward I am on can have anywhere between 6-14 patients and they are mixed, staffing is the worst I have know it was me and a HCA with 13 patients. I honestly wanted to cry. I am so embarrassed by the care these patients receive and they can be anything from abdo pain/ head injury fracture elderly waiting on a care home. All mixed with one bathroom shared with another area.

The management breeze in all smiles and I make no bones about how unsafe and undignified it is for my patients. I get alot of platitudes oh you are doing a great job we will look into it.
The NHS is beyond broken and it need radical change. Staff are on their knees and patients are at risk

I don't know how much I have left in me.

I disagree. You can have a camera in the room. They manage in France. Really the nurses are using the other patients to watch the patients with dementia. My relative had to repeatedly ring her buzzer because a patient with dementia had got out of bed.

This is very sad.
I'd ask the ward staff if it's possible for the lady with dementia to be moved to a private room or even a side ward for her own dignity. Doing so would also help gibe other patients the peace they need to dela with their respective illnesses.
Being in hospital is pretty awful.

Maybe she's not but whinging on isn't going to change anything is it. All it does is add to the root problem.

The staff would move the lady if they could

It’s about time the elephant in the room regarding our ageing population is discussed tbh
Life should be about quality, not quantity
This isn’t a debate about eugenics either but surely to God patients like the lady with dementia would be happier and more content out of hospital and in an appropriate setting to remain comfortable. Until this country are willing to address the issues with an ageing population, inadequate social care and overmedication then NHS reform is a speck in the abyss imo.

My dad, who was as sharp as a needle to his last breath, spent a week on a ward where everyone else had dementia and he was ready to kill himself by the time I managed to get him discharged. However compassionate you are it wears you down, especially when you’re ill. It sounds as if the staff are managing this very badly.