To have told the lady off in the bed opposite; hospital stay

[Celticliving]

Hi All

I'm very poorly with asthma and lung infection at the moment and have been in hospital since Sunday.

The poor old lady opposite me has dementia and has been chanting/shouting very loudly the whole time I have been here. It's not bothered me at all, though obviously its difficult to rest - she can't help it though.

Another lady was admitted to the bed next to her yesterday morning. Since then, all she has done is shout "oh, shut up," "FFS" etc. She even asked the nurse how long she has to put up with 'that bloody screaming' for.

She's just walked past my bed, tutting and rolling her eyes.

I said "you know she can't help it right!". Reply; 'Whatever'.

I said "You know that might be you one day". Reply; I don't think so.

She's not even hiding these comments and the poor lady's family are looking pretty upset.

I don't know what we can do if we don't have expectations around shared standards of behaviour in particular contexts. They are crucial for a functioning society, they can evolve over time.

Societies change in values, beliefs, and cultural practices, leading to shifts in norms. The same is true for expectations in different settings. There will be people who can't meet those expectations and the onus is on others/systems to enable people to function within that setting.

However, having some level of shared standards remains essential for the overall well-being and functioning of any community/society. Being aware of those provides arguments to support those who cannot meet those expectations and strategies to work around it. Is this saner and more compassionate than abandoning any expectation of standards such as the ability to rest and sleep in hospitals?

Wow. This is nasty

Imo angry people in hospitals are ten times worse than people with eg dementia!!!!! Hope you get better soon op x

@SandyWaves no it's not nasty.
A dementia patient may be talking incessantly but not be in any pain.

Another patient may be incredibly distressed by the incessant talking.

It's not nasty to feel frustrated and want the noisy person to quieten.

@SanSandyWaves I'm sure the 'Be Kind' brigade will be disappointed with me.

My mil was in hospital recently...she had a woman in the opposite bed who screamed non stop....i was only there visiting for an hour or so each time but even that drove me crazy...luckily mil is quite deaf so managed to cope with it.

I think it's legitimate to point out that this lady is just adding to the disturbance by her reaction.

When my mother was seriously ill in hospital there was a lady similar to this one who was constantly shouting out. Her unfortunate daughter was mortified but there was nothing she could about it; however, my mother was absolutely exhausted because she could never rest. Ultimately we had a chat with the nurses about it: they said they were well aware of the problem and were aiming to move the lady with dementia ASAP, the trouble was that they couldn't immediately free up a bed in a side ward. Fortunately they were able to move her the next day, much to everyone's relief.

No, it really isn't.

People with disabilities aren't immune to being annoying. Regardless of whether they can help it or not.

So you think this is acceptable? Don't answer that, you clearly do. What a world we live in

No. It’s not. It’s honest. It’s absolutely fucking awful being in pain in hospital, on a ward with someone who is noisy at all hours of the day and night. One can be empathetic, because it’s not their fault, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s absolutely hellish.

I was in hospital once and the fat girl in the next bed spent the night rustling and eating her way through three of those large family-sized bags of sweets. Each time she finished one she came over with the empty bag to the bin which was next to my bed and banged it open and shut. The third time at about 3.30am I said to her, "Could you wait till morning to throw those away, the banging is waking me up and I'd like to get some sleep". Her reply - "It's a hospital, no a fuckin' holiday camp". Some people are just scum. So no you are not being unreasonable but there's nothing you can do about it. 😟

I was in hospital for a few days a couple of years ago on a post surgical ward where there was a dementia patient, not in the opposite bed but in a side room not far away. Her wailing was incessant and it really affected my ability to rest and recover.

It is completely understandable that this affects other patients. It doesn't make them intolerant or bigoted generally. People are in hospital because they are poorly. Noise nuisance in that situation, no matter if the person can't help it, is awful.

She's saying EVERYONE has the capacity to be annoying, no matter who they are, especially when you are ill or in pain.

It's not easy on a shared qard with a dementia patient. Happened to me years ago the nurses were still wearing caps. She kept shouting nurse nurse. They did move her to a single ward at night if they could so we could sleep. I was on total bed rest for a whole week so couldn't even go to the day room. not that I would have wanted to as it was full of smokers patients and visitors and would have come out smelling like I smoked 40 a day

True 🤣🤣

Aggressive muttering woman is a massive hypocrite. She's doing nothing but add MORE unnecessary noise, plus creating an uncomfortable atmosphere which the lady with dementia is probably largely unaware of.

Don't get me wrong, I feel for all of you, it sounds bloody awful but she's not justified in making you feel uncomfortable to the point where you feel compelled to get involved in unnecessary confrontation.

Hope you escape very soon OP.
Hospitals are not good for recuperating.

Dementia patients largely shouldn’t be i hospital, tho prob waiting for funding for nursing home.
annoying for everyone else tho

I'm a nurse and I'm genuinely lost as to what people expect us to do. In the majority of cases it's completely inappropriate to put someone with dementia in a side room. It can be unsafe as they are alone and the lack of people around them can distress them even more. There obviously isn't the staff to 1 2 1 them so you are risking them climbing out of bed and either falling or wandering around as they are wondering why they are alone. So it's certainly not as easy as 'put them in a side room'.... and as for the 'under medicating' people comment. Did you miss the recent court case about nurses and a HCA drugging people to get a quiet night shift? It's the same things as you are suggesting. Yes it's crap but wards at night are and although we try our very best ultimately we cannot control the behaviour of people who are mentally or physically unwell, we can't just move them off the ward because they are a nuisance!

I would be so distressed with the women shouting and screaming. I would not be able to cope, and it would almost certainly make me want to leave prematurely.

I would ask to be moved, or would ask the other lady to be moved to a side room.

Clearly she was an inconsiderate, foulmouthed arsehole. But was there any need to describe her as "the fat girl", as though that's got anything to do with her selfishness and unpleasantness? I'm fat, and would go out of my way to avoid unnecessarily disturbing others' sleep.

Britain is broken

This type of situation shouldn't even occur. Nobody should be ill and suffering in hospital and trying to rest/recover with the noise and disturbance from the poor lady with dementia. Of course, it isn't her fault, she is also in a terrible state - but we should have better facilities to take better care of her. And that shouldn't bbe on a ward like the one you're on. Everyone is distressed because Britain is completely and utterly broken.

I spent two and a half weeks on a major trauma ward last summer. There were people with head injuries there, who didn't know where or who they were, and were constantly having to be reminded not to get out of bed. I was completely immobile for over a week of that time.

The only way I could get some rest was with effective wax earplugs and an eye mask to sleep in, noise-cancelling earphones for the day, and two large power banks to keep it all runnning. I treated it like being on a long-haul flight. Some people just emit noise. I'm overly sensitive to it, so I take measures to tune it out as much as I can. Sometimes it can even be pleasant to have a chat with your fellow passengers/patients to offer and receive sympathy and reassurance.

They're awful places, and those measures will do nothing for someone using a commode on the other side of the curtain, for eg., but I'll go with making my own life as comfortable as possible given limited circumstances. By the time I'd left the ward I'd handed out earplugs like sweets to all the other patients. No one would have got any sleep otherwise.

OP, you didn't 'tell your fellow patient' off, merely spoke up very mildly in the dementia patience defence after the other woman approached your bed in annoyance. She has the 'right' to complain, sure, but not to expect you to listen and agree.

Hope you're well and out of there soon 🌹

I appreciate your problems, but how can you square that with the harm done to other patients' health if they cannot sleep?

Really, of course, you need adequate staff to be able to assign at least a nursing assistant to them all the time. Which `I know comes down to the whole staffing/funding/Brexit issue. Thank you, government.

Dementia or not, the noise would be intolerable to many.

Last time my mom was in hospital, she was in a bay with 3 other patients one of whom had dementia. She was constantly shouting out and wandering off although it didn't worry my mom as by that time, she was pretty much out of it. I was visiting one morning when another woman on the ward needed a commode and while she was using it, the woman with dementia pulled the curtains apart and exposed her to the rest of the ward. She absolutely lost it and shouted at her. A nurse appeared and berated the woman for shouting who then replied "its not your bed she's climbing into at 2am or you being tormented by constant noise". I don't know if the issue was resolved as my mom was then moved to a side room but my sympathies lay fully with the patient being disturbed.