To have told the lady off in the bed opposite; hospital stay

[Celticliving]

Hi All

I'm very poorly with asthma and lung infection at the moment and have been in hospital since Sunday.

The poor old lady opposite me has dementia and has been chanting/shouting very loudly the whole time I have been here. It's not bothered me at all, though obviously its difficult to rest - she can't help it though.

Another lady was admitted to the bed next to her yesterday morning. Since then, all she has done is shout "oh, shut up," "FFS" etc. She even asked the nurse how long she has to put up with 'that bloody screaming' for.

She's just walked past my bed, tutting and rolling her eyes.

I said "you know she can't help it right!". Reply; 'Whatever'.

I said "You know that might be you one day". Reply; I don't think so.

She's not even hiding these comments and the poor lady's family are looking pretty upset.

I couldn’t agree more.

Being on a shared hospital ward is torture. I can see why she was upset, and you don't know how long she has been there for an what her illness is. She wasn't reacting in a good way, but it's not up to you to police it.

I don't agree with the way she's behaving but it's ridiculous this lady has been put into a mixed bay, when I had a stint in hospital last year the dementia patients had their own bay and some were in side rooms, one spent the entire night and most the day screaming for her mum, that echoing down the corridor was disruptive enough, I can't imagine being in the same room.

Sad, really heartbreaking, but the reality it when you're crawling the walls with pain you aren't always in your best place. I was OK with it as I was furthest away from the door, but I felt so sorry for an elderly lady whose bed was right by the doors so got the worst of it, she'd resorted to wearing earplugs and headphones 24 /7. I really didn't blame her when she lost her shit a few times.

Do you know why the lady with dementia is even in hospital?

People with dementia can also have other health issues, and require a hospital setting. Not every elderly patient is 'bed blocking'.

It’s nice your kind and have said your piece but let it go now.

No-one is blaming the nurses. But clearly it isn't acceptable that this is the situation, and saying so doesn't make anyone selfish.

My father was in a similar situation after emergency surgery. It was the only time I ever saw him cry.

Mum is I a Home now (EMI unit) since her stroke.. it’s mostly dementia patients in there.. they are always telling each other to Fuck off, and shut the fuck up .. one tells me to “fuck of pig” every time I go in. It’s seems to have zero impact on the person they are shouting at.

Some of the behaviours in Mums unit are really disturbing .. screaming, shouting etc. I wouldn’t like to have to listen to it all day in hospital. I have every sympathy, doesn’t stop me from finding it annoying.

The nursing staff in hospital were awful.. I’ve never met such an uncaring bunch in my life - a stroke ward where people were completely neglected. The Drs were pretty awful as well.

I don't think you should have said anything to the complaining woman@Celticliving
You have no idea why she is there.
I think most people struggle with broken/interrupted sleep at home.
When you are unwell, on a hospital bed, hospital pillows, unfamiliar noise AND THEN a very unwell patient crying out in the night, I can see how some people would struggle with that.
Sleep deprivation is never fun, no matter what the circumstances.
Having said that I have zero answers.
The NHS is really not fit for purpose.
I applaud our nurses and Dr's, working in the conditions I've seen.
You must really have a calling 💜

I agree with the PP who said:
Hospitals are becoming places where you can't rest and recover.

People in hospital are almost always going to be feeling very unwell and vulnerable. I think few of us are at our best or particularly patient in those circumstances. It sounds hard for all of you. Sorry to hear that you’ve been so unwell and hope you’re out of hospital soon.

my Nearest hospital is fairly new and all single rooms, I’m in placement there currently, the old hospital had a minute of single rooms and wards, the new hospital has less beds due to it all being single which is great when it’s not winter or an influx of illnesses. Currently most rooms have been doubled up, rehab/gym areas are being used as rooms, the double ups have no extra oxygen facilities etc. it’s not safe, single rooms are all fine and well but there should have been more of them considering the amount of elderly that are delayed discharges due to social care in my area

The woman shouting and swearing with frustration would bother me far more than the woman with dementia. Why should you have to put up with both of them? One can control it, the other can't, therefore she should be asked to stop. Are the nurses able to have a word?

Last time I was in hospital, I was in AMAU for several days before an "appropriate" bed on a ward was found for me. My AMAU stay was actually on a trolley in what was meant to be a consultation room rather than one of AMAU's bays.

On the second night, a male nurse offered me a bed in a bay, then while I was packing a female nurse rushed in and told me it was a bed in a bay full of male patients with dementia who might try to get into bed with me, would I like to turn it down? (I did).

Then a few days later they found me a bed in a ward with several elderly female patients with dementia. None got in bed with me, but some were shouting for people at all hours and one was always "seeing men who aren't allowed here", commodes, exposing themselves... The lights were always on, bloody horrible place I hope I don't have to die somewhere like that.

It was better on the trolley in AMAU where I was sharing the room with a man old enough to be my dad. He was with it, had a sense of privacy, we would decide between each other about the lighting at night etc and got on very well.

Give me a "with it" man over an out of it woman any time!

@SerafinasGoose We are, and we have to be, because no one can criticise the sacred cow (NHS), or suggest that it isn't working, or that demand on it will always be infinite and supply finite. It's the fifth biggest employer in the world and we are a tiny country of 70 million. I'm numerically illiterate and even I can do the maths.

I suspect that stat is a little misleading, it looks large but that's because the NHS is one organisation. A quick Google suggests 10% of the UK workforce works in Health & Social Care, and in the US the number in healthcare is 9.2%. Germany employs more, France less.

My (compos mentis) uncle was in hospital recently with a severe infection and whilst in there, his sodium levels plummeted. The result of both was delirium and he was shouting and gabbling and basically being very difficult.

He was on a general ward and many of the other patients were moaning and complaining. I don’t blame them. They were all in there because they were ill and needed rest. Why should they have been unable to sleep? It was the fault of the hospital that my uncle was not moved to a single room. In this case, I had to complain to PALS and the chief exec before they suddenly found a private room for him.

There are nice ways to complain that aren’t distressing to the family. But I completely understand the frustration.

This is an awful response. Why should a woman with dementia be moved to a side room and isolated? It will make her worse and it’s very disorienting to be moved around when you have it. The harm done to her will be greater than the harm to other patients and before you tell me I don’t have to listen to it, I have done so, for a week when I was in hospital. However, I was coughing all the time with asthma and chest infection so I expect I was as annoying as the other woman and what we did as a small ward was try and support the woman with dementia by talking to her, answering her questions and getting her help when she needed it.

@Stressedafff 100% agree, the nhs is a victim of its own success. I bet any of us who are work In healthcare cannot deny how ridiculous this is becoming, keeping people alive with no quality of life, why are we treating elderly people with dementia for every little ailment, especially those are clearly nearing end of life? We have people in their 90s wanting resus despite being honest about the impact and the likelihood of it being unsuccessful or even if it was leaving the person in a worse state, we have families begging us to keep their very poorly relative alive despite no quality of life. We also need doctors and consultants to start being more honest with people and their families. I categorically do not want any of that for myself. These conversations are going to need to be had soon due to the ever growing aging population unfortunately, I don’t think even plowing money into social care is going to help at this point

My husband was in for an operation middle aged compos mentis, young guy in the opposite bed his girlfriend brought in drugs daily. Husband couldn't leave his bed so had to alert a nurse whenever they came to deal with his dressings, catheter. Nothing was done.

Another friend cancer operation shared a ward with surgical dementia patients. That's harrowing because the ambulatory ones caused havoc at times and they were in some cases stronger than the staff when they were distressed.

Dementia patients should be on dementia wards. Not to protect others but because they’re designed to be friendly towards people living with dementia, with specialist staff and specially designed rooms.

In the circumstances where one woman is rational, I might be tempted to say to her 'I know it's frustrating but please could you stop yelling at the lady with dementia because now I'm having to listen to both of you yelling'. Be prepared to have your head bitten off.

But why should other patients have to suffer from lack of sleep, its used as a torture method for a reason. For some the harm will be greater not getting any sleep and therefore recovery

I take ear plugs and headphones when I go into hospital for precisely this reason. It’s never going to be quiet on a ward even at night.

This is understaffing and underresourcing though, not poor nursing. The last ward I was on, the nurses were literally sprinting to get the essentials done. The place was constantly on red alert. They are working themselves to the bone day in, day out, and also carrying the guilt of knowing that however hard they work, patients are still being failed and conditions are not acceptable. Nobody signs up to make patients suffer, the situation is appalling for everyone.

Well done for challenging OP!

I'm curious - seeing as there are NHS workers here - what happens if a dementia patient climbs into bed with or otherwise does something physical/alarming to another patient and gets injured as a result?

For instance - if I had a bed in a bay with up-and-walking dementia patients, got startled awake by a stranger climbing into bed with me at 3am, and lashed out or pushed them away in fear?