To have told the lady off in the bed opposite; hospital stay

[Celticliving]

Hi All

I'm very poorly with asthma and lung infection at the moment and have been in hospital since Sunday.

The poor old lady opposite me has dementia and has been chanting/shouting very loudly the whole time I have been here. It's not bothered me at all, though obviously its difficult to rest - she can't help it though.

Another lady was admitted to the bed next to her yesterday morning. Since then, all she has done is shout "oh, shut up," "FFS" etc. She even asked the nurse how long she has to put up with 'that bloody screaming' for.

She's just walked past my bed, tutting and rolling her eyes.

I said "you know she can't help it right!". Reply; 'Whatever'.

I said "You know that might be you one day". Reply; I don't think so.

She's not even hiding these comments and the poor lady's family are looking pretty upset.

On my ward the bays are always staffed so patients do no "babysit" each other at all. The elderly dementia ladies fall risk outweighs silence. Sorry 🤷‍♀️

Are you a nurse @LemonPeonies?

Ward sister and this isn't my opinion its patients safety.

The nurses will be aware of it, but if a side room isn't available, then what are they supposed to do?
They can't sedate her because that's an illegal restraint, unless prescribed by a doctor and it needs good reason.
Do you think the nurses are going to come rushing in with a syringe of lorazopam to stick in her just because she's shouting?
It's unfortunate for everyone, but becoming increasingly common as the population ages sadly.

No point talking to staff. My mum was in a ward a few years ago with a lady with dementia who stole my mums slippers and tried to take my mums bed covers off her in the night. The lady shouted all night long. When mum mentioned her the nurse said there was somebody with deme in every ward. My mum ended up going to the day room and sleeping on 2 chairs pushed together...

My mother was sent for recovery to a hospice - they would not let me take her home because I was working - but a lady with dementia was there, and they tied her to the bed for her own safety, to stop her throwing herself out onto the floor, but it was me who fed her and got her cups of tea, because the staff did not have the time, and she was stuck there waiting for social services to find her a place to be discharged to. As soon as I spent time with her the screaming stopped. The complaining lady might have been better to do this, but I am given to wonder why the staff did not do something. @Alwaysgoingforit I do not believe that sedatives are not used sometimes, even if not where you are. My mother (lucid and just in for MRSA and water infection) was offered something to "help her sleep" when she complained about stomach ache, by ringing her bell twice - which was caused by lack of food. Nurse backtracked when she realised I was sat there.

What about when they are getting out of bed and entering the other patients areas? And it's great that on your ward the bays are always staffed but that's not been my experience when I've been in hospital myself or visiting others. In fact it's been pretty difficult to track down any staff if anyone needs help.

Thank you OP!
I've recently lost my mum, she was in hospital with delirium for a month prior to passing. My mum was very agitated at times and was loud and disruptive. Definitely not her usual behaviour.
A patient in the same bay was shouting at my mum to shut up and calling her to anyone who would listen. It was heartbreaking to see and my mum would have been mortified if she was of sound mind. 😢

Years ago I had a similar experience to OP and it was a nightmare tbh, but nothing could be done about it.
I was in the hospital for 6 days but didn't sleep properly in all that time.
My OH brought in some earplugs for me which helped a bit at night and I had an e-reader to pass the time and the distraction of that helped too.
I was so happy to be discharged and sleep in my own bed. Bliss😎

She shouldn't be rude but I sympathise with anyone being kept awake or finding it hard coping with constant noise.

“Hospitals are utterly undignified and inhumane. When you are at your absolute lowest you shouldn't have to be a metre from another person with a flappy bit of curtain for "privacy". This would be more accurate with the addition of the words “in the U.K.” to the end of the first sentence. In most of Europe/ civilised world, the norm is private rooms or at worst two bay rooms as the idea is that patients actually need sleep and dignity to recover. The sooner we move to a social insurance system, the better.

I understand it must have been hard for you and your mum but constant shouting and sleep deprivation is torture. You have no idea what the other person was going through

I had a really lengthy, difficult birth with dd1. She slept a lot the first 48 hours, which is when I should have been catching up on sleep, but there were 5 other babies in the ward, plus 6 in the neighbouring ward. Zero sleep as I can't sleep through 12 babies crying. Nightmare and I sympathise with anyone suffering with noise in hospital. I eventually discharged myself earlier than they wanted as I was going mad.

To all of you that think the hospitals just have empty beds available to move patients into....you simply have no idea.
Where I work there are regularly 30 patients waiting in ED for beds on the wards and 8 ambulances queuing to offload patients into ED.
The whole system is broken. The poor lady with dementia will likely spend weeks waiting in that hospital because there is no appropriate social care for her. She can't be in a room on her own as she's clearly a risk to herself and if she could be on a more suitable ward, she already would be.
People may as well TRY and be compassionate to each other whilst in hospital because it is a shit show for everyone and even worse for the staff who feel completely helpless and demoralised.
I think you did the right thing to challenge her, at the end of the day manners cost nothing.

It's like musical chairs at our health trust too.

You think the staff have it worse than the people who are very poorly in hospital?

Unfortunately we know that moving confused elderly patients around often increases their confusion, which can lead to worsening shouting and other behaviour, so that's not a good option.

I've had my fair share of hospital stays, and there has always been one person who doesn't recognise they're on an NHS ward, and they can't pick who they have to share a ward with.

YANBU to call her out on it. And continue to do so, and remind her she can always pay for a private room if she's unhappy.

To be fair popping them in a side room doesn't always make it better
When hubby was in hospital on a neuro rehab ward- he was in a male bay of 3. The nearest side room had a lady who was shouting Nurse Nurse help nurse- if someone didn't respond within a minute she would throw herself over the side of the bed onto the floor.... even with a staff member sat outside her door she disturbed the whole ward- annoying yes. Her fault no- hubby couldn't talk at the time so couldn't tell anyone of his annoyance- but remembers it clearly....

Give her a break, she's ill as well so probably not at her most empathetic.

Also everyone going “just pay for a private room” oh really? Who do you think we are?

You are a beautiful human @Celticliving I hope you have a speedy recovery and many many happy blessings 🌺

Indeed.

I'm not rich, I'm very poor in fact with negligible income and savings. However, my hospital experiences have been so awful that depending how much a private room costs, then I would have snapped one up. When I asked about how much it would cost, being taken to a private room after surgery instead of put on a ward and then paying for that side of things, I was told it's not possible.

I'm so sorry to hear of your experiences, that sounds awful and very traumatic.

I do sympathise and empathetise... an NHS GP ruined my life 9 years ago with an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety after a head injury and post concussion syndrome. I was injured by the drugs and now have a permanent neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia, which is a bit like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined. The NHS may be a :great institution" in many ways, but it sure isn't when things go very wrong 💔😥

Just ignore the woman and don't add to the drama. It's an uncomfortable and disruptive situation for everyone. You're handling it just fine by being tolerant. The other woman is not. You're not getting recognition for your stoicism. The other woman is not being berated for her intolerance. But everyone's character is determined by how they behave. The dementia patient's family know exactly how she behaves - they also know she's under duress being in an unfamiliar environment and dealing with people who are strangers and will act at her worst. They're probably very thankful towards you and are equally under stress. How do you deal with problems in society, like the dementia elderly and the screaming toddlers? You just have to cope.