Am i being u reasonable not doing dinner for my 18 year old step daughter?

[Natz281092]

Long story short, my 18 year old step daughter of 12 years does nothing, no job no education and doesnt lift a finger around the house. I have 3 other children and another step daughter. They all have their chores i.e unload dishwasher, sweep floor help clean table and they all do it. Thier ages are 4, 5, 6 and 12 they all do there bit, but my 18 year old has not done nothing in over two years. I stopped doing her washing 4 months ago cause i never even got a thank you. She does nothing me and her dad have tried our hardest to support her but she has been so disrespectful and also bullies her younger siblings. I cook our children thier dinner earlier than mine and thier dads and often we offered to her she said "i will eat it later" and then it would go to waste and she would never clean her plate. So now i dont dish her up a plate, i always cook extra anyways but as i dont put it on a plate for her she will cook herself noodles and then go eat her room which she knows she isint aloud to do as she caused a mice problem last year. And as she knows she isint aloud she waits for me and her dad to go to bed. So im sorry if its too much but am i being unreasonable to stop doing her dinners?

Might be time, to explain her she's 18 and she either respects her family, stops bullying her siblings and starts doing her chores or... Her start at the family home will be short lived...

Good luck op.

I doubt Ss will want her back in your home tbh since this is escalating and she has so far rejected all attempts at help from anyone.

so sad for all involved.

She isn't a lost cause. She is a struggling youth. I work with troubled teens and those that distance themselves are the ones who need it the most.

You can keep your opinion but you won't change mine.

Same. It’s hard. It takes its toll but there is always hope. Her brain is in a state of development so now is the best time to support people with the effects of childhood trauma.

She moved in with you when she was six.
The other child in the household was one, a baby. Three more babies have arrived since then, one of whom was born shortly after her own mother died. So as she moved into adolescence, directly after her mother died, she probably seemed old in comparison to a houseful of babies and toddlers, but she really wasn't.

This girl is showing many signs of unresolved sadness and depression. That's hard to live with, but there is support around.
Neither you nor she is being unreasonable, it's a difficult situation. Have you come across Family Lives? Their website and helpline are invaluable for non-judgemental friendly support.

My instant reaction was let her sort herself out but having read a later comments, I think there’s obviously a lot more going on than just this. At 18 she’s becoming an adult and needs to take responsibility, absolutely But her mum has died and it seems like she was absent before that. I would suggest that with little ambition or motivation she needs therapy/support. She could be depressed. I know I suffered a lot because of abandonment issues with my dad. She may be struggling with jealousy too if there are younger siblings who will need more attention. Going back to the original post, you don’t have to plate the food but still cook it in case she wants something. Freeze it if not and maybe another time she’ll eat it. Can you encourage her to cook the meals with you and have some involvement in choosing what’s eaten? Dad needs to be the one to talk to her and try and get her to open up. Ultimately, she needs love. Praying for you all as this seems like a really tough situation for everyone.

You’re doing a brilliant job under very difficult circumstances and in time , hopefully she will come back to you , a happier and more adjusted person. It does sound like she suffered massive trauma ( as have you) but until she wants to access help you can’t do an awful lot unfortunately ❤️

Unfortunately the 18 year old is being unreasonable when she’s breaking the 6 year olds arm

Have you actually read the thread ? Clearly not

Not your fault at all. I’m sure you have done all you can, you can’t make people ok, no matter how much you love them ❤️

Thank you everyone one if you have read previous comments you know she spent a couple of nights away well after the first night she was arrested she attacked her boyfriend and his parents i cant really go into too much detail but she is no longer aloud contact with her siblings. She has now admitted to so many things now she is with police and half we didnt know about. And its things that she has done lied about others to others etc. Things that can ruin people lives. Im gonna end it there before i get carried away. Thank you everyone

It sounds like she needs help and hopefully this will be the start of that happening. I hope you and her siblings are all getting emotional support.

Sounds as though she may get the help she clearly needs. So sorry you are going through this OP.

So sorry to hear that. What a sh*tshow. At least you and the children are safe now and hopefully this will lead to a turning point for her. It is clear you tried your absolute best. Hopefully things improve at home for you all.

Do she Aspergers? The empathy levels are completely way off with niece. Or do you think she depressed after or because grieving about her mum and changes?

Only just saw your update. All the best

Tell her she has 6 months to save up and get her own place. It's called tough love, she sounds like a nightmare!