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AIBU?

Man on school run

336 replies

Frisps · 16/01/2024 11:36

I see a man every morning on the school run and he stares at me. Like a really intense look and what I can only describe as an ‘evil’ sort of angry glare look on his face. I’ve no idea why. Never spoke to him, never had any issue. He doesn’t know me or anyone I know on the school run. His children are in a different year group to mine so there is no issues there. I just always see him every morning. The first few times he did it I just smiled but now I keep trying to avoid eye contact when I go past him but I can tell he’s still doing it as I feel his eyes on me as I go past. I did think I was being paranoid but I’m definitely not. the last couple of days he’s also walked past my car when I’ve been parked and I’ve been sat in it minding my own business. I’ve looked out my windscreen and then as he’s passed my window I’ve felt his eyes on me so looked and he’s staring at me like that whilst looking into my car window at me as he passes. I’m starting to feel quite annoyed and intimidated by this. What would you do?

OP posts:
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Revelwithacause · 16/01/2024 14:09

Is he a school dad? Or just a man lurking around a school!? If the latter I would report him to the office.

Are you friendly with other parents? Ask around if anyone knows him and then maybe get others to keep an eye on him to double check he really is targeting you and you’re not imagining it.

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WhatWhereWho · 16/01/2024 14:09

Leyenda · 16/01/2024 13:30

Ps sorry to see so much victim-blaming on the thread. Sigh…

Victim of what exactly? This kind of ridiculous use of the phrase makes it lose all meaning. She's been looking at him for months too.

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Thisisanothertime · 16/01/2024 14:12

up until recently i would have said you were probably imagining it BUT i learned a few weeks ago that a man who kind of did a similar thing to me and my kids at their primary school (they are nearly adults now) has been convicted of sexual assualt on children from back then. He was always looking at us and after a while trying to chat and invite us over (he was a dad with kids in theri class so it wasnt totally off) but i was totally creeped out by him and even changed routes to avoid him.

obviously this man you see almost certainly isnt the same BUT it has taught me to trust my instincts a bit more!

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Megifer · 16/01/2024 14:17

Even if there is a very far fetched scenario where ops 'gut instinct' is correct and he is some sort of murderer, op intimidatingly challenging him wouldn't stop him would it?

It's far, far more likely that the guy is just a dickhead who stares at some people. So what??

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penjil · 16/01/2024 14:18

Just confront him.

Say breezily "Are you OK?'

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SaladFingerz · 16/01/2024 14:18

TeachesOfPeaches · 16/01/2024 13:43

Ask him for the time and see how he reacts

This is a good suggestion.

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MargaretThursday · 16/01/2024 14:20

He's probably just thinking about something totally different.

I had the situation that I used to pick up my dc's on the way back from work from their secondary school. There's a little car park just to the side of one of the entrances and I'd be there.
Because of the timing of work, I sometimes would be there a little early.

And I started to notice a scruffy looking guy standing near the entrance glaring at the children coming out. He'd stop right next to my car, so I couldn't help notice him. Moreover, because I was arriving early (and sometimes my dc were late out) I saw that he didn't collect any children and he was walking through the estate to arrive just before the time the children came out. He always left after me.
I asked my dc if they recognised him as anyone connected with school, and they didn't.

So I tried to speak to him. Just a casual "hello", tried a couple of times more and each time he literally turned away from me and faced the other direction.

Then I thought about it, thought there was probably nothing to it, but just dropped an email to the safeguarding team at school.
He was a cleaner, waiting for the children to leave so he could go in. I suspect he wasn't glaring at the children so much as watching the door to see when he was free to go in. Although he may have been glaring thinking "wish these kids would hurry up!" 🤣
The next week I noticed he wore his ID badge, which he hadn't worn visible before.

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Moonlightdust · 16/01/2024 14:20

housethatbuiltme · 16/01/2024 14:06

OP is posting classic paranoia... this man hasn't DONE anything.

She has occasionally seen a man she 'thinks' in her own head looks scary. She isn't even seeing him look at her she is 'feeling' it most of the time... utter crazy.

Calling the OP utterly crazy and paranoid because she feels intimidated by a man who consistently glares at her is unfair.

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Jacopo · 16/01/2024 14:22

Man at railway station used to do this to me on my commute. I thought it was something I just had to put up with.
Then he got arrested for stalking and intimidating women on trains.

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BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 16/01/2024 14:24

I’d wait until you have people near you and just say ‘Hi! I’ve noticed you a few times now and it seems that you think you recognise me. I can’t place where from. Do I know you?’

Guys can’t be going around giving death stares for 4-5 months to women without looking weird so he does need to be told that his behaviour is now clear and obvious.

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anywherehollie · 16/01/2024 14:29

There's an old pervert who stares at me everytime I walk across the playground 🙄. You sure he's not just checking you out? Haha

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Isitautumnyet23 · 16/01/2024 14:34

Can’t read all the replies but I would discuss with the school (find out the kids names if you dont know them). I wouldn’t go straight up to him as makes a bigger issue. Mention to the school you are uncomfortable with his behaviour and see if any other parents have mentioned it.

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puncheur · 16/01/2024 14:35

anarchicparadise · 16/01/2024 11:45

OP this is your chance to put him in his place.

”Hi, sorry do I know you? Do you know me? Why are you drawing me daggers?”

be forthright.

I'd assume you were having some sort of a crisis and offer to help you call your carer.

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Thegoodbadandugly · 16/01/2024 14:35

Does he have a son in year 6?

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lapsedrdwhoenthusiast · 16/01/2024 14:36

Can you ask another parent who he is? In the school nearest to us, probably some people would yell, "You got a problem, mate?" Or something like that. So escalate the situation, basically!

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anarchicparadise · 16/01/2024 14:39

puncheur · 16/01/2024 14:35

I'd assume you were having some sort of a crisis and offer to help you call your carer.

Why? What a strange reaction.

why should you feel intimidated every time you pass a man on the school run?

Why should you not stand up for yourself?

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SouthEastCoast · 16/01/2024 14:42

kelsaecobbles · 16/01/2024 11:43

Perhaps he's noticed this strange woman who keeps looking at him ?

This

but also, maybe he is just shy and awkward. He may not know he is coming across as looking “evil”

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SerafinasGoose · 16/01/2024 14:43

Moonlightdust · 16/01/2024 14:20

Calling the OP utterly crazy and paranoid because she feels intimidated by a man who consistently glares at her is unfair.

Agreed @Moonlightdust. Elsewhere MN is full of advice to women to ignore our gut instinct at our peril. Then, we find a thread where someone does flag these concerns, we see accusations of paranoia and other unmerited slurs on women's mental states. (The 'go to' accusation if a woman deviates from the behaviour rigidly coded for us is always that she's not all there).

My attitude to this doesn't vary: take notice of those danger signals, always. If you do, the worst that can happen is you'll be wrong. No one will have got hurt, he needn't even be aware, no harm whatsoever will have been done.

If you ignore that feeling and it does turn out you were right, sometimes for women the consequences don't even bear thinking about.

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Northby · 16/01/2024 14:46

Ask other mums and dads on the school run about him. Mention he always stares at you and it makes you feel uncomfortable. Hopefully it’ll filter down the grapevine and he’ll get the message and stop.

If he keeps doing it, when there are other people around stare back and ask, “Is there a problem? Do you think you know me? You look cross when you see me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Please leave me alone.”

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MorningSunshineSparkles · 16/01/2024 14:47

Stare him down right back. Creeps usually get weirded out when they can see they’re not getting under your skin.

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DancingOctopus · 16/01/2024 14:51

Could be a case of mistaken identity. ( Someone once approached my husband at pick up to " apologise for getting into an argument with your wife". I had not been in an argument with anyone.)
Maybe he thinks he knows you and is always wondering where from.
Or he's preoccupied with his day and doesn't notice you at all. It could just be that he has an unfortunate looking face or he's going through a very difficult time so is not smiling.

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SaladDays2024 · 16/01/2024 14:51

Place marking

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Mirabai · 16/01/2024 14:53

I’d ignore it of course.

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LittleMonks11 · 16/01/2024 14:56

Do you sit with your engine running?

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Sunseaandsand1 · 16/01/2024 15:10

Now I’m a bit older I refuse to try & minimise men’s weird behaviour, or try & make excuses on their behalf. Over the years I’ve had so many threats, cat calls, starring, assaulting (let’s not minimise it by calling it ‘groping’). I’m fed up with the expectation that us women are expected to try & diffuse the situation by smiling & being chatty in response to some sort of threat.
In this situation I think you do to him exactly when what he’s doing to you - stare. Do not drop that gaze, do not smile or speak. Really exaggerate it, so he’s the one left wondering what’s going on. Let him feel intimidated & confused.

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