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AIBU?

Man on school run

336 replies

Frisps · 16/01/2024 11:36

I see a man every morning on the school run and he stares at me. Like a really intense look and what I can only describe as an ‘evil’ sort of angry glare look on his face. I’ve no idea why. Never spoke to him, never had any issue. He doesn’t know me or anyone I know on the school run. His children are in a different year group to mine so there is no issues there. I just always see him every morning. The first few times he did it I just smiled but now I keep trying to avoid eye contact when I go past him but I can tell he’s still doing it as I feel his eyes on me as I go past. I did think I was being paranoid but I’m definitely not. the last couple of days he’s also walked past my car when I’ve been parked and I’ve been sat in it minding my own business. I’ve looked out my windscreen and then as he’s passed my window I’ve felt his eyes on me so looked and he’s staring at me like that whilst looking into my car window at me as he passes. I’m starting to feel quite annoyed and intimidated by this. What would you do?

OP posts:
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NewYearNameChanger · 16/01/2024 12:50

It's either mistaken identity; he's wondering why you keep looking directly at him; or he is flirting with you and thinks his looks are smouldering rather than disturbing. If you have genuinely never interacted with him, it must be one of those three things 🤷‍♀️

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SweetBirdsong · 16/01/2024 12:50

SerafinasGoose · 16/01/2024 12:08

Not to pick holes or anything, but feeling someone's eyes on us when we're not looking isn't something I'd describe as precious. This instinct has been hardwired into humans across many millennia. It's there for self-preservation and designed to ensure our very survival. That's the reason every single one of us is familiar with that feeling: evolution in action.

Same thing goes for the gut instinct. Maybe this dude is a creep, maybe he does it to other people as well, maybe he's just naturally nosy, maybe he's just nothing at all. Whatever he is, he's making OP uncomfortable and it's a pity women are the ones who have to risk-assess all the time, even when we don't necessarily know we are doing it.

One to avoid where possible, OP. I see that this is difficult, but school drop-off is fortunately a short-lived commitment.

Edited

Yeah this. Off topic slightly, but I had something similar some 18 years ago. Went to the school to pick my DC up, and waited outside the gate, and this one particular woman gave me a death stare every time I saw her. Actual evil hard stare. I felt uncomfortable, and after the 5th or 6th time, I started to walk up to her, so I could ask her 'wtf is wrong' and she turned her back and walked off before I got to her.

Another woman who was standing by her looked over at me and said 'what do you want Linda for?' I said 'it sounds ridiculous and like year 8 politics, but every time I see her she is glaring at me like she hates me and I wondered why.'

Long story short, it emerged that 'Linda' thought I was having an affair with her husband! I had spoken to him when he had collected their kids a few times, and had a bit of a giggle outside the school gate now and again, and a few of the mums gossiped, and the next moment, me and this man were shagging (apparently!) 😬

I said 'oh fucking hell, tell her she is being ridiculous and her so called friends are just nasty little gossips! I barely know the bloke..!'

After that, Linda didn't death stare me again, but she never spoke to me, and walked away whenever she saw me. (Embarrassed probably!) I decided to move away from where she stood. I also wanted to avoid her husband when I saw him, and so I decided to wait further down the road to greet my DC. I was glad when my DC left the school tbh!

Obviously a bit different to the OP's scenario, but proves that they may possibly be a reason for him death-staring at her.

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Winnipeggy · 16/01/2024 12:50

Maybe he thinks it's funny. You never know what's going on with people. Just give him a wave and a smile

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ArabellaScott · 16/01/2024 12:51

bjrce · 16/01/2024 12:12

My thoughts exactly!

Under no circumstances would I approach him.

I would completely ignore him. He sounds like a nutter. Its probable that he know what he's doing and will continue to do it, I wouldn't engage with someone like that.

At pick up - I would wear dark glasses so he won't get any further opportunity to see you if you happen to glance in his direction.
I would make a point of blanking him and just completely ignore.

All of this. Trust your instincts, 'grey rock', and avoid as much as possible. I'd also maybe ask other parents/mothers/the school about him.

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HashtagShitShop · 16/01/2024 12:53

I would definitely ask him, in earshot of others just incase but not with oeooeoe obviously with you as this sort of idiot I reckon would gaslight you with an audience.

I'd do as someone else suggested, a nonconfrontational "I've noticed you seem to catch my eye each day and see quite displeased. Have you confused me with someone else as we have never previously met before school runs?"

If he says no or gives you no reason after that you could just meet his eye coolly and calmly each morning and stare back expressionless without looking away to show you're not intimidated by him whilst in your eyeline.

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Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 16/01/2024 12:57

Either give him a big smile or a middle finger.

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ReallyAgainReally · 16/01/2024 12:58

@Frisps Do you go in your pyjamas or do your clothes look rough/unfit or your hair?

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SaladFingerz · 16/01/2024 13:00

hazandduck · 16/01/2024 12:48

Is anyone else getting this ad?!

Yes! They are wonderful coats. I've just bought one ☺️

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SaladFingerz · 16/01/2024 13:02

@Frisps you need to take a secret video and we can all decided if he's giving you evils or if indeed, you are being paranoid.

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Reallynotoverreacting · 16/01/2024 13:02

Absolutely ask him what his problem is, or something a bit less confrontational like "is everything ok", bet you he'd shit himself.
What about his wife/partner,do you know her?

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Lightermoon · 16/01/2024 13:02

Give him a morning, how are you? You will get a response of some kind!

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Moccasin · 16/01/2024 13:03

I would stare back at him and see what he did

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CornishTiger · 16/01/2024 13:03

Just say morning or wave everytime he does it!

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Renamed · 16/01/2024 13:10

Maybe he thinks it is his smouldering sexy face. People often get this very wrong. He thinks it is working because he can see you have noticed him

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2024GarlicCloves · 16/01/2024 13:14

I'm with @SerafinasGoose on this. It's really bad to dismiss someone's danger instinct as ridiculous or blame her for the other person's behaviour.

It's probably nothing, could be something minor, unlikely to be something bad. But it's really happening to OP and her concern deserves respect. Unlikely things do happen. If there's some misunderstanding, maybe it could be cleared up.

I'd be inclined to say something harmless - I quite liked a PP's "Are you okay?" although I think I'd go for "Excuse me, have we met before?"

You all need to read Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear. https://amzn.to/4aS2vgB

Amazon.co.uk

https://amzn.to/4aS2vgB

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2024GarlicCloves · 16/01/2024 13:15

Renamed · 16/01/2024 13:10

Maybe he thinks it is his smouldering sexy face. People often get this very wrong. He thinks it is working because he can see you have noticed him

😂😂😂Scare her into ripping his keks off 😂

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whynotwhatknot · 16/01/2024 13:16

my dh has a horrible stare ive caught him doing it in public a few times i have to whisper stop staring i mean if looks could kill

says he doesnt know hes doing it

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Iwasafool · 16/01/2024 13:17

KissMyArt · 16/01/2024 12:49

Well the OP's literally asking what MNetters would do.

Most people would check themselves first (I expect) to see if there's an obvious reason for the staring 🤷‍♂️

Too true, I wouldn't want to go and ask him if he might have a genuine gripe, or even an imagined gripe, against me in case it triggered him to punch me on the nose or something.

My DD was badly bullied at primary school. She came home for a visit after uni, so over 10 years later, and one of the bullies recognised her in a local pub, rushed up and threw her arms round her and said we were at school together. DD peeled her arms off her and walked away without speaking. I don't know if the bully had forgotten what she did or she just saw a face she recognised and assumed they had been friends of some sort. I do hope she was mortified to be left standing their like an idiot.

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Namemchangeforthispostonly101 · 16/01/2024 13:21

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

VickyEadieofThigh · 16/01/2024 13:22

Frisps · 16/01/2024 11:43

Definitely not parked over any drives or yellow lines or anything like that. That’s definitely an issue round here too but I never have done that personally. He only seems to do this glare at me I’ve noticed. He will do it as soon as he spots me

You really have no idea if that's the case or not because you cannot know it.

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whereaw · 16/01/2024 13:24

Stare back and politely say, "is everything ok?"

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Spomsored · 16/01/2024 13:25

Perhaps he lives near you, walks his child to school everyday and wonders why you drive/don't offer him a lift?

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Wolfpa · 16/01/2024 13:26

if you are intimidated by someone looking at you I think you need to ask yourself why and work on this.

he is not doing anything illegal just existing in the same world as you. He could be saying the same about you, that woman on the school run who always stares at him.

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Leyenda · 16/01/2024 13:29

I’d assume he’s a bit psycho and definitely not interact with him in any way or make any kind of eye contact with him. Definitely do not smile at him. You don’t want to interact with whatever delusion/ fantasy world he’s running.

Even if he’s somehow annoyed with you / thinks you’re someone else, a man constantly glaring at a woman is harassing intimidating behaviour and not psychologically normal.

Avoid!!

I’d love to say report him but I can’t think of anyone who’d do anything much. If you know his name or his child you could maybe make the school or even the police aware, in case they’re comfortable telling him that there have been complaints about him harassing women and to watch himself. But with both school/police there’s a risk that they’ll tell him who complained.

Schools can ban parents from site, ours has a couple of banned parents who have to wait outside for their children to be brought out. But that was for screaming at staff not harassing other parents.

Sorry this is happening. I bet he’s done it to other women too. 😔

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Megifer · 16/01/2024 13:29

SaladFingerz · 16/01/2024 13:00

Yes! They are wonderful coats. I've just bought one ☺️

Oh stoppit 🤣🤣

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