To think my 14 year old is a narcissist

[Blades2]

So.

Iam a single mum, to two kids (17 and 14) recently the two kids found out that dad has a new woman (he was keeping quiet until he was sure how he felt about her) obviously when they found out they were super shocked as he had said he would tell when and if another woman came along
Dad is very upset by her behaviour and calling her a narcissist to me.

14 year old demanded he blocked her and had no more to do with her, and has now turned on me and my man, lashing out and telling me I love him more, I never choose her(I do lots of things with her like Netflix and concerts and days out doing things she really enjoys but it seems like it’s never enough for her)

she is home schooled and has no friends as she isolates herself - sorry just trying to give entire situation without drip feeding

im so low right now, because of her behaviour, this is the 7th day of it now, I’m already on meds for my mental health and I also have ADHD which is kicking my butt

That's a huge jump.

Oh I should have added, it was dads words not mine I’ll edit

She sounds like a kid in turmoil over her parent's divorce.

Narcissist indeed.

Honestly, it's like MN's favourite word and yet few people seem to know what it really means.

Being a hormonal, stroppy, selfish teenager isn't being a narcissist.

It's estimated that between 1-5% of the UK population is a narcissist.

Weird how nearly every single one of them appears to be related to a Mumsnetter.

she is home schooled and has no friends as she isolates herself

Narcissists don't isolate themselves.
She sounds like she's struggling - potentially over her parents splitting up and the new woman. Can you approach your GP to see if there is any support that can be provided?

wow! poor kid

She sounds like she’s really struggling with her situation. I think I’d focus on helping her adjust and building her confidence / skills to improve her situation, rather than condemning her as a narcissist 😳

I have brought her to our family doctor, she is refusing to go back, I also bring her to a private therapist, and she is also attending cahms but refuses to go to that most appointments

Can I recommend the book Never Let Go by Suzanne Alderton on supporting your child through mental illness? It's really supportive and helpful. It sounds like your DD is very distressed and in a bad way, rather than a narcissist.

I get that, and I’ve explained it’s her dads words to me, not mine.

Exactly this

Thank you, I will definitely get that book!

She sounds lonely, teenagers usually have large circles of friends and she's home schooled with parents who have other people to occupy them.

Why is she home schooled? Can she be encouraged to join clubs and meet people to have things of her own to do?

Oh I have tried, her therapist also says she is lonely, I have encouraged her to art classes, computer coding, dance class, she refuses because “I don’t like being told what to draw”
”I don’t like being told what to code”
”I don’t like the dance they are doing”

I really have tried.

she is home schooled after struggling with starting first year, and is awaiting adhd assessment but is also refusing to have that done

I get you’re finding it hard but you have decades of emotional maturity on her so might need to put your feelings to the side and help her. She sounds very insecure and putting a lot of pressure on herself to the point where she doesn’t want to try anything new. Of course teenagers are self obsessed and self centred. Calling them narcissists is another form of rejection and your ex saying he values his new shag more than his kids? Imagine being on the receiving end of that with your fragile teenage ego and brain. Especially as a child of divorce. She needs to feel safe. Help her by getting on with all this life admin that will make both your lives easier and let her know she’s entitled to her negative feelings and you won’t reject her for having them.

Your poor DD , hormonal, confused, isolated, lonely. She needs help and I hope she gets it soon

School. She needs to be in school with her peers. No wonder the poor girl is isolated.

What first year reception at primary or year 7?

I’m not in England so , she struggled going to big school? At age 13?

I agree with this, if it's possible. She needs to adjust to her parents having new relationships but somehow I think this is harder when her entire focus is within the home. At this age, she should be focusing on her friends.

Op, you should know having ADHD yourself that it makes processing emotions just that more difficult. I haven’t been diagnosed yet, but I find I either feel things on mute or they feel explosive - there’s no in between. Try and find some common ground in this. How long have you and your ex been separated? It sound like your daughter is struggling greatly with this huge change and really needs reassurance that just because things are changing and she has no control over that, her parents still love her and will not be abandoning her.

She's a teenager, not a narcissist.

I've seen that thrown about, this has got to be the worst case!

Talk to her, listen to her. She's not a monster, she's dealing with emotions she can't handle. If you're ADHD, there's a likelihood she may well be too.

Cut her some slack and help her FFS.

As above, I have said, not my words, and I also am doing absolutely everything I can re GP, private therapist, cahms, activities she enjoys, one on one time with me etc

Since Jan 2022