To think it's odd my husband didn't eat the roast meat because my dad had touched it

[LaviniaLee]

Just before Christmas, my husband and I went to visit my family for the weekend, for an early-christmas celebration. My sister did a big roast for us (for my parents, siblings & families).

The meat was a lovely roast lamb. My dad was helping by carving the meat. He put his hand on the skin of the joint and carved. So he had touched the edges of the meat.

My husband loves meat but he didn't take any of it. When I asked him later, he said it was because he didn't think my dad had clean hands, because he once heard him (at a different time) flush the loo and come out quickly, and he suspected that he hadn't washed his hands. So now his general assumption is that my dad doesn't have clean hands.

AIBU to think it's odd that my husband didn't eat the meat for this reason? (given he normally loves it).

@SoreAndTired1 People potentially struggling with OCD are ‘nutjobs’? Let’s hope you or a loved one never suffers with it. I know someone who has OCD, has been ‘getting help’ for 20 years, and no, having children didn’t cure her. How ignorant you are.

Why do you care? If you’re happy eating the meat, eat it. Your husband doesn’t need your permission either way.

I’m with your DH on this. Also, why is it odd somebody hand sanitises before every meal? Washing hands before meals is a standard thing, even little ones are taught that in school.

But surely it doesn’t impact anyone else if the OP’s partner doesn’t eat some meat? The only person it affects is him. He’s perfectly happy to not eat the meat. What’s the problem?

I think I would have cut the outside off and left it but otherwise I’m with your husband. I had my parents here over Xmas and I’ve heard them both come out of the toilet immediately after flushing. I hated them touching food.
I would also rush to be the one to empty the dishwasher because my thinking is that if you’re handling things people are putting up to, or into their mouths then do it with clean hands.

YABU. It's up to your husband if he doesn't want to eat the meat because he doesn't think your Dad washed his hands after using the toilet. I'm with him.

Your husband sounds like a complete nutjob tbh. His behaviour isn't normal. The fact he does it under the table suggests he knows it's not normal so is hiding it. I'd suggest to him that he gets help for his OCD or whatever it is, rather than worrying about your dad's hands. Do you have children? Because if you don't, having children will soon cure his neurotic obsession with hygiene.

What a horrible post @SoreAndTired1. You’re aware that he may have OCD, yet refer to him as a ‘complete nutjob’. Ffs. Its no wonder people don’t seek help with attitudes like yours. Your comments are offensive and you should try to think before you type.

A relative of ours has it, it’s slowly taken her life away from her. She’s lost friends due to always being late or not being able to go places at all, she can no longer work and her relationship has broken down, that’s despite having therapy/CBT many times. It takes up hours of her day and is debilitating,

OP, I think lots of people wouldn’t want to eat food made by someone who doesn’t wash their hands after using the toilet. I don’t have OCD, I’m usually outside and covered in mud and other stuff as we have lots of animals, but I expect people to wash their hands after the toilet.

Your husband may have OCD, you know he uses sanitiser a lot, I’d encourage him to see his GP. If it is OCD, it often gets worse over time. My relative was told that the earlier you seek help, the better the outcome of treatment. Unfortunately due to attitudes like the one above, she tried to hide it from everyone for years meaning it had really taken hold by the time she saw a GP and started treatment. It’s incredible sad to see.

The nutjob comment was because he actually paid attention to when and how long it took her dad in the toilet. That's not normal.

Bullshit @SoreAndTired1. Oh, and having children doesn’t cure OCD either. Unfortunately, anxiety usually increases for sufferers and symptoms often get worse in pregnancy for women or when men or women become parents.

Your comments were offensive, wrong and make those suffering feel worse than they already do. It’s annoying when people who know fuck all talk complete shite. 💩

That’s what a carving fork is for, why didn’t he use one? I use one, not because I have dirty hands, but it stops my hands getting dirty, otherwise I’d have to go wash them when I’d finish which seems a longer route than just using the carving fork to hold the meat while you carve it with the knife?

Sorry if I have any suspicion hands hadn't been washed before dealing with food it's a no no

Yes, I find it instinctive to steady meat with a fork while carving, but some people don't mind being mucky.

I don't use my hands and I'm with DH here, but equally wouldn't think it awful if someone wasn't bothered by it. There is no need to handle the food by hand.

I never used to have milk at my DH's house (before he was my DH) because I'd seen his brother drink straight from the bottle before putting it back in the fridge. Maybe that's weird too?

I don't find the sanitiser thing so weird. I suppose I might have once upon a time but I have a friend who does this and swears she never gets cold and flus so much since she started. This was prior to Covid too. It's probably not a bad thing but it's not something I do.

Ugh I completely agree with your DH, I wouldn't have touched it either. He should have used a fork/carving fork.

This is exactly the plot of a Seinfeld episode. They end up breaking up

I hear there are some people who don't wash their hands before handling food.

I hear there are some people who don't wash their hands after using the lavatory.

If I saw such a person putting their hands on cooked meat I would not be impressed

I don't have mental health issues about germs but I wouldn't have been keen on eating the meat in these circumstances. If your father was so old school, he'd know how to use a carving knife and a carving fork. I have just interrogated my husband about this - the carving - I know he washes his hands. He said he'd never touch hot meat and would use a carving fork. He said when carving the leftover cold joint he would touch the bone end to stabilise it but wouldn't touch the meat. Honestly, your dad could spread e coli, norovirus and even hepatitis.

I once knew someone who had threadworm.

I wonder how that spreads?

Agree. I never realised how many odd people there are in the world until I discovered MN. All these ewwwww, germs people presumably eat out now and again, and really have no idea what is going on behind closed kitchen doors.

I would have eaten the meat without a second thought.

Serious question - each bit of food you eat has passed through several hands before it ends up in your shopping basket, does that make it all a no no given that you have absolutely no idea whether the numerous hands had been washed?

Using Hand sanitizer a few times during a meal is extreme. I’m guessing germ phobic or OCD tendencies. He sounds like he needs a bit of therapy.

But not wanting to eat something touched by a person who doesn’t wash their hands after using the loo is reasonable We all teach our kids to wash their hands after using the loo for a reason.

I'm with your dh. If I think that a person is prone to going to the toilet and not washing their hands afterwards, or even if it is a remote possibility because I know they've done it once (because it is never just the once) I'll never eat anything that they've touched.
I think it's pretty disgusting to go to the toilet and not wash your hands afterwards.

There's not even a need to touch meat when you're carving it... surely that's what the giant fork thing is for.

In general, I don't like people touching my food once it has been cooked and I'm also not keen on sandwiches.

With that said, although I do wash my hands more frequently than average and I also carry hand sanitiser around, I would not be sanitising my hands multiple times during a meal.

Team Husband here.

Gagging just thinking about it.

No, that's not odd. I'm pretty lapse with my own hygiene. I'd definitely pick food up from the floor. I'd also stroke a cat or have a wee (not a poo) and not wash my hands etc
However, I'd never serve this way and I had a altercation once with a bartender who put his fingers on the top of my straw.
If I saw your dad do this and he had 'history' I'd feel the same.

Your husbands reaction was the correct one . Tell your dad to wash his hands and to stop touching food before giving it to people.