To think it's odd my husband didn't eat the roast meat because my dad had touched it

[LaviniaLee]

Just before Christmas, my husband and I went to visit my family for the weekend, for an early-christmas celebration. My sister did a big roast for us (for my parents, siblings & families).

The meat was a lovely roast lamb. My dad was helping by carving the meat. He put his hand on the skin of the joint and carved. So he had touched the edges of the meat.

My husband loves meat but he didn't take any of it. When I asked him later, he said it was because he didn't think my dad had clean hands, because he once heard him (at a different time) flush the loo and come out quickly, and he suspected that he hadn't washed his hands. So now his general assumption is that my dad doesn't have clean hands.

AIBU to think it's odd that my husband didn't eat the meat for this reason? (given he normally loves it).

I wouldn’t have noticed or cared, and I sometimes touch the meat when I’m carving. I use my hands a lot on cooking - sometimes it’s more efficient. I wash my hands often though, not just after going to the loo.

Nasty. Why did your dad do that? I wouldn't have ate it either.

YABU

this is why I don’t often eat at my in laws

Your DH has a mental health problem, then. It must be awful for him to feel as though he's so surrounded by filth that he needs to sanitise his hands multiple times during a meal. It's not good for his hands either. Would he be open to a chat with a GP or a therapist? You'd have to make it a completely separate conversation to the one about your dad and the meat, so he didn't feel attacked.

When I saw the thread title my first thought was "it depends what he touched it with.."

Is wanting to avoid potentially consuming feaces considered neurotic now within the Mumsnet, 'I'll happily eat shit' group?

It's so weird there is a group of posters who'll happily admit that they have no minimum standards when it comes to food. Are you all desperate for a free dinner or something?

I personally would never notice if someone touched the meat, and if they did would assume their hands were clean. It seems a bit OTT to be honest. I have a food hygiene certificate but most of that is about temperatures and common sense. In a commercial kitchen you wear gloves but not at home, surely? Gross as it may sound, some men don't always wash their hands after a wee (especially if at home). It doesn't mean he wouldn't have washed them during cooking. Is your Dad really dirty/ messy generally? People's home standards do vary quite a bit. Plus how could he be sure Dad hadn't touched the rest of the food, if he was willing to eat it. (He almost inevitably would have done)
Is your husband usually this concerned with germs/ hygiene etc? He is not wrong that people should have clean hands when handling food but could it be that he has some other issue with your dad that he's not letting on. It feels like there may be more to it. Probably not worth raising it again with DH as it won't achieve much unless it's really bothering you though.

Do you sanitise your hands more than once whilst you're eating?

Sounds like my DF and it got to the stage where we would all fight to serve so he wouldn't be touching the food

I'm TeamDH here

I'd have eaten it, but I'm one of those godless heathens people hate on here who is very lax about food and germs.

I don't think your husband is that weird for not wanting to eat willy lamb though. If germs do squick you out there's nothing much worse than toilety hands on your food.

Your DH seems to be overly cautious in some areas and I'm fairly laid back about germs but I would expect a carver to use a fork to hold the joint steady. They wouldn't just pick up a slice of meat in their fingers to put on my plate either.

I’m with DH.

My DF, and at least two other people, was given Hepatitis A by someone in a restaurant making salads having not washed their hands after using the toilet (investigated and confirmed by Environmental Health).

I wouldn’t eat food touched by someone who was known not to wash hands after the toilet, whatever their relationship to me.

And who carves a hot joint by holding it with their hand, rather than a fork? Madness.

It would put me off. I use a fork

Nonsense. If it's a small room I often wash my hands and then flush the toilet with a bit of tissue that I throw in as the toilet flushes. Just because he came out quickly doesn't mean he didn't wash.

It would never have occured to me to do anything at all, but at most cut the end off the meat. Don't throw it all away. But it isn't worth falling out over.

Has anybody suggested you need to divorce your DH yet? It's Mumsnet. It will probably happen!

Willy lamb. 😀

It’s a bit of reach to suppose he had just left the bathroom on this particular day.

I don’t actually eat red meat and personally I use a carving fork to hold meat in place, but yes DH sounds very neurotic.

Usually you'd use a meat fork to go with your carving knife (2 long prongs). I just use a normal fork here as it's not often we have a large enough joint to warrant anything else.

Based on a suspicion only that he didn't wash his hands, I'd be fine eating the meat but not the edges. It does very germ phobic though to be sanitising during meals, and not eating based on assumption.

Is this a recent thing? I know since Covid that I'm far more aware of what I'm touching e.g lights at crossings, door handles, trolley handles etc but it hasn't really crossed my mind for food.

That’s gross. Why didn’t he use a fork?

A school friend of mine used to do the same, she had OCD. She also had antibacterial wipes in her bag to wipe the before she ate.

He needs referring for therapy before it escalates.

DH sounds like he may have an issue. Multiple sanitising during a meal and listening and obsessing over other people's toilet use. Anything else that might signal OCD?

FWIW I think a lot of people tipped over into it during covid.

What about poo fingers?
What if he doesn't wash his hands after wiping his arse either? Are you happy to ingest the germs from this kind of scenario? E Coli is not the friendliest of germs!

Given the latest update I question the loo story was in fact a manifestation of his anxiety. Why was he even watching DF to see how long he took in the loo? Exactly how long does it take to wash your hands? He could have washed his hands before he flushed etc,

I agree with this. Covid triggered these types of behaviours in many people.

To be honest I wouldn't be comfortable eating food that anyone had touched without washing their hands first, never mind if I suspected they had been to the toilet without washing their hands. Do you peasants not wash your hands before preparing/eating food? 🤔

I wonder if once your DH had had the thought of your DF's hands potentially being unwashed and having traces of urine/general willy-ness on them, his mind simply wouldn't allow him to forget about it?

I find that once I start thinking of a particular food item as being in some way "tainted", it becomes very difficult to command my brain to disregard the "danger" signals it is receiving, and to relax and enjoy the food. I also find that if people start to talk about something unsanitary (toileting habits, for example) while I'm eating, then I often have to stop, as my brain gets totally put off - I fully accept I might be a bit strange in my thinking on this though!