To think it's odd my husband didn't eat the roast meat because my dad had touched it

[LaviniaLee]

Just before Christmas, my husband and I went to visit my family for the weekend, for an early-christmas celebration. My sister did a big roast for us (for my parents, siblings & families).

The meat was a lovely roast lamb. My dad was helping by carving the meat. He put his hand on the skin of the joint and carved. So he had touched the edges of the meat.

My husband loves meat but he didn't take any of it. When I asked him later, he said it was because he didn't think my dad had clean hands, because he once heard him (at a different time) flush the loo and come out quickly, and he suspected that he hadn't washed his hands. So now his general assumption is that my dad doesn't have clean hands.

AIBU to think it's odd that my husband didn't eat the meat for this reason? (given he normally loves it).

How much mess do people actually get themselves in going to the loo? I routinely wash my hands after, but it’s a precaution and good practice rather than a necessity, the absence of which would see me emerge with faeces-smeared hands. I don’t actually come in contact with faeces or even urine as I make sure the toilet tissue takes care of that. As I say, I do wash my hands to be in the safe side, but some people are acting as if they have a right old tussle with their excrement.

@Mybootsare

I’ve seen OCD banded about here as it often is by people with poor hygiene standards to pathologise people who like to keep their hands clean. OCD is an actual thing and shouldn’t be conflated with someone who washes their hands before meals and after going to the toilet or after touching something grimy.

Have you even bothered to read the thread? DH is hand sanitising repeatedly at table even under it and in taxis due to preoccupation with “germs”. That is classic OCD.

My FIL also never washes his hands when he's been to the loo. He has a habit of sticking his disgusting fat fingers in buffet food "to taste it". I've even seen him scrape icing off a birthday cake before candles were blown out. Vile creature. I'm with your husband on this.

He has a habit of sticking his disgusting fat fingers in buffet food "to taste it".

Absolutely yuck. Although tbf, I have never loved buffets and stay away from them entirely since covid. If that makes people think I have issues, then I'm fine with that. Especially seeing how many behave at buffet tables.

I think if your husband saw your dad use the toilet, not wash his hand and then touch the food straight afterwards then fair enough but he is just making a lot of assumptions.
He is assuming your dad didn't wash his hands after going to the toilet and hasn't washed them at any point between going to the toilet and touching the food.
There have been numerous times when I have been in the bathroom and flushed the toilet without actually using it.
I may have just thrown a tissue away or flushed it again because the person who used it before me didn't flush it.
So if anyone was listening outside they may have thought I didn't wash my hands after going to the toilet even though I didn't even go.
Then I would still wash my hands before touching food but I would just do it in the kitchen. I wouldnt ensure that everyone who would be eating the food saw me wash my hands.
If you are just going to assume that someone hasn't washed their hands then you would never eat anything prepared by someone else.

Have you even bothered to read the thread? DH is hand sanitising repeatedly at table even under it and in taxis due to preoccupation with “germs”. That is classic OCD.

Well, it can be an indication of OCD, but if the OP's DH has, as she stated, been doing this for a prolonged period of time and has no other symptoms, it's unlikely to be OCD. OCD is a horrendously debilitating condition and goes way beyond sanitising your hands and lining up your cutlery. If he does have other symptoms, then quickly applying hand gel at the dinner table or in a taxi is likely the least of his problems.

He assumed the FIL hadn't washed his hands and the thought of it (rather than the fact) put him off the meal. If I saw someone doing something unhygienic it would put me off eating any food they prepared for me in future. Even if that unhygienic act was a complete one off, or a misunderstanding on my part, I would still not be able to lap up their cooking.

Why didn't your dad wash his hands directly before touching food that everyone was going to eet? Surely that's standard practice. If I'd seen him use the loo, not wash his hands and then touch my food, I wouldn't want you to eat it either!

.

That's was my point. He is just assuming he did something unhygienic. He didn't see it. If you see someone do something unhygienic and then touch food then it is fair enough if you don't eat it.
This guy made quite a few assumptions which led to his decision. He didn't see anything.
If you are going to make all those assumptions then you will never eat anything prepared by anyone else.
May as well just stick to eating at home

When you say sick once a year, do you mean sick/ill with a cold, or vomiting sick. Because if you’re vomiting once a year, that’s a lot. And most people have had norovirus. In many cases it only causes a normal stomach upset, over in a few hours.

I’ve had a rubbish afternoon but “Willy fingers” has cheered me right up! 😂😂😂

I don't always wash hands in the bathroom either but then I'm constantly washing them because I'm in the kitchen a great deal.
According to science your phone screen is dirtier than anyone's bum or willy

I’m with your DH on this and also wouldn’t want it.

And light switches are dirtier than toilet seats. I’m not actually advocating not washing hands before touching food, but rather making the point that it’s easy to overstate the drama of not doing so. We can all do our best but DH quietly cutting off the touched bit of meat would have been more than sufficient to avoid any disaster and I really don’t understand the posters saying they would have made sure their actions were noticed etc. That’s just rude and there is nothing to get overly proud about in shaming other people for their differing levels of ocd-ness. We all have our own comfort zone, that can change at various times of life ( I was hyper when pregnant) and it can be a burden for ourselves and others to be too rigid over it. Most illness actually comes from the food itself ( poor reheating/ refrigeration etc) rather than less than perfectly clean cutlery etc and most of us haven’t died from things that I’m sure have happened behind our backs ( have heard horror stories from friends who worked in restaurants, cafes etc). I also have a friend I hate dining out with as she is so terrified that the whole meal descends into neurotic analysis. She once sent something back as the glass was dirty and it was returned with a visible goblet of spit floating in it.

A meat fork is best for carving meat

@Calliopespa

. I also have a friend I hate dining out with as she is so terrified that the whole meal descends into neurotic analysis. She once sent something back as the glass was dirty and it was returned with a visible goblet of spit floating in it.”

OMG!!
That is absolutely vile. It is perfectly acceptable to send back an empty glass - everyone does that not just your friend. Would you just drink out of the dirty glass??
I hope it you and her complained, left the restaurant a terrible review and that you both didn’t pay a penny. The place needs shutting down.

It was just a smudge half way down the outside. But the point was less that the glass was fine ( and it was normal to ask for another) than that kitchen staff can - and do - do all sorts of weird things to your food. It was the spit I had more of an issue with. I don’t think any establishment would be closed down over an external smudge well away from the rim.

I wouldn’t want to eat it either. Flaccid willy hands with wee wee particles on my food? Nope. The thought would put me right off.

What?!

You use the toilet and then eventually wash off your faeces in the kitchen???

This. Surely one would wash directly before carving and serving, no matter what.

I'm not remotely germ phobic (see my post on the nighttime wees thread). But there's something gross to me about someone holding a joint of meat firmly in their hand to carve it, whether or not I suspect they've not washed their hands.

I'd probably have cut the edges off my slices.

Indeed. I didn't get sick after the meal - and nor did anyone who ate the lamb!

Surely lots of people touch roast meat when they carve and serve it?

Nobody I know does. There are carving implements so that you don't have to.

Well yes regarding a phone, that germs picked up from whenever you last anti-bac'd it (?). However knowingly not washing your hands in the bathroom because you know you'll be spending a lot of time in the kitchen, is not only odd, but lazy and dirty.