To think it's odd my husband didn't eat the roast meat because my dad had touched it

[LaviniaLee]

Just before Christmas, my husband and I went to visit my family for the weekend, for an early-christmas celebration. My sister did a big roast for us (for my parents, siblings & families).

The meat was a lovely roast lamb. My dad was helping by carving the meat. He put his hand on the skin of the joint and carved. So he had touched the edges of the meat.

My husband loves meat but he didn't take any of it. When I asked him later, he said it was because he didn't think my dad had clean hands, because he once heard him (at a different time) flush the loo and come out quickly, and he suspected that he hadn't washed his hands. So now his general assumption is that my dad doesn't have clean hands.

AIBU to think it's odd that my husband didn't eat the meat for this reason? (given he normally loves it).

Yep, it's gross! Loads of blokes do it though, or at least think the water only needs to very briefly connect with their hand for it to count as being 'washed' after a wee...

I am sick once a year at most. Haven't even had a covid yet. I get my immunity built oitside of public toilets🙈 Never had a noro in my life. Yay

Chefs wash their hands and are trained in food hygiene. It's not really comparable to someone who doesn't wash their hands after using the toilet putting their fingers all over your dinner.

Germs are one thing, urine-covered hands are quite another!

Reading this my first thought was that I'd probably just not eat the outside edge but then I do remember hearing someone flush the toilet and come straight downstairs (separate toilet to bathroom so NO chance they washed their hands) and it makes me feel ill thinking about it so I'd have to agree with your DH sorry.

Precisely. The argument about building immunity is nonsense. Unless we walk about in a hazmat suit we all get exposure to germs anyway.

For instance I used take public transport every day which is pretty gross, and sit in an office where we did hot seating so it wasn’t always the same desk I was at. I touch escalator and stair rails etc and have been in the vicinity of many an inconsiderate person sneezing and coughing without covering their mouth while doing my shopping or running errands. Plus I went to school and used to work in schools for years which are little germ cabins really.

However there’s a limit, we don’t need to let it get to the extent where we are comfortable with people handling our food after not washing their hands in the toilet because “germ exposure” that’s absolutely ridiculous. And not in accordance with health advice.

I’ve seen OCD banded about here as it often is by people with poor hygiene standards to pathologise people who like to keep their hands clean. OCD is an actual thing and shouldn’t be conflated with someone who washes their hands before meals and after going to the toilet or after touching something grimy.

The bottom line is that if you're put off something regarding food, for whatever reason, you're not going to eat it. It's game over.

Exactly - once I'm put off something, then that's it, really.

People have ears and depending how thin the walls are, you can hear the sounds of the loo flushing and the tap going on. I can easily hear such things from the loo upstairs in the living room downstairs in my in-laws home unless there’s a lot of people over or the football is on. I can hear the same noises in my own from the first floor what my DH is doing in the floor above and what our son is doing in the ground floor loo.

Nothing about monitoring just what I can hear on top of all the other noises going on.

your husband can do what he wants

i don’t see why you’re bothered

he suspects your dad doesn’t wash his hands after toilet (which is proper gross if that is the case) therefore he didn’t eat the food that your dad has handled. Pretty sensible and reasonable.

as I say , he can do what he wants. Don’t see why you’re so bothered.

hth

@LaviniaLee

@LaviniaLee

Would you happily eat food handled by your father in law if you suspected he didn’t wash his hands after toilet op?

I think its odd your happy to eat something that someone's dirty hands have touched.

@CharlieRight

“Presumably your father keeps his willy reasonably clean and doesn’t pee on his fingers so it’s all a load of fuss about nothing. “
doesn’t mean he shouldn’t wash his hands after a piss, ffs!
Gross

So you couldn't say for sure that your dad washes his hands after having a wee?

What's being old school & having a handkerchief got to do with that?

I think that your husband might be overreacting overall but your Dad's hygiene seems to be lacking!

That was unbelievably ungenerous of him to make that assumption based on one instance. And kind of pathetic to be so terrified of germs that he couldn't just avoid the edges that had been touched.

I wouldnt of eaten it either

Some people have disgusting hygiene

I sanitise my hands tooo and often

Why is it your business what your husband does with his hands ?
Its a squirt of hand sanitiser, get over it !!

Are you actually asking if people would refuse to eat meat being prepared by someone believed to have poor personal hand hygiene?

Of course I'd refuse food in this instance - and have done previously. This is the main way nasty bugs are spread. I want to be full not ILL!!

Quite right. This all has a bearing. I think they really ought to ask FIL for future decisions: Do you drag it all out? Are they sweaty? How firm is your grip? And do you ever simultaneously scratch arse? That way DH can make an informed decision going forward.

During a meal? You don't think that's indicative of an issue?

Same. I was visiting a family member once who had a little one still in nappies.

I kid you not... she changed the baby (v.messy!), threw the old nappy in the kitchen bin, then I thought she'd automatically head to the sink to wash her hands.

Nope. Instead, she immediately opened up a box of chocs (my favourite incidentally!), took a big handful with her unwashed hands, then offered them around 🤢 to others. I can confirm they were not my favourite chocolates that day!! 😳

I'm with the DH - but if I see anyone other than my partner touch my food with their bare hands, I can't eat it.

Some of us have issues with such things. Calling us "batshit" might be seen as somewhat prejudicial towards our spe ific phobias and mental health issues.

I am out and about for my job so I'm in a lot of public toilets, I'd say 10% not washing their hands is right

Not if he thinks the cutlery, plates, etc., have been handled by someone who didn't wash their hands after using the toilet. Who set the table?

God knows what all in that house has faeces on it!

I think it's more 'batshit' to knowingly eat food that you suspect of having human wee and poo bacteria on it.