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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not borrow DP money?

158 replies

bethe1uwant2 · 14/01/2024 14:20

We've been together 8 years and have 2 young children. We rent, and although I would love my own house, I don't know if it will ever be possible as dp since I have known him has been irresponsible with money and forever in dept.

I have on a few occasions had to pay his debt off which I've always made him pay back. But it's a vicious cycle.

He owes my 7 year old £3000 from his savings as he needed it to buy a car 'so he could get to work' turns out he could have got a lift everyday with co worker.

Recently I found out he took another loan out with ridiculous interest added which is another set back for us to buy a house.

He is self employed and although he's been offered employment which I have encouraged him to take, he gets defensive and refuses.

We only ever argue about money. He is a great dad and partner and a hard worker who would give us his last dime, but he is just so irresponsible when it comes to managing money. I have tried to help and asked to see his bank which he refuses.

He usually pays all the bills on time.
Anyway, over Christmas we have spent a fortune and are both skint. I work part time but luckily am good with money and have some savings, he has asked to borrow £300 as his bills go out tomorrow. I will obviously give him the money, but i need him to start managing it better and everyone i bring it up into conversation he gets defensive and we argue!

When will he learn? AIBU????

OP posts:
GasPanic · 15/01/2024 11:01

The worst thing about what you post is that he doesn't seem to want to improve the situation or take any advice on how to manage his money better.

As the saying goes, if you do what you've always done, you're going to get what you always got.

Personally I would take the line that if he is not going to manage his money better or improve his situation, that is his choice. But it would not be something I would facilitate by lending him more, and I would look to secure my own situation. My guess is it will only be when he reaches the end of the line in what he can borrow from you/the banks that he will actually start thinking about his spending and how it needs to be managed.

caringcarer · 15/01/2024 11:09

CharmedCult · 14/01/2024 14:29

Well you keep bailing him out, so he’ll never start managing his money better.

As for “borrowing” 3k off your child, fucking disgusting because you know that isn’t getting paid back.

He’s really not a great dad. He’s a financial fuckwit, pretending to be self employed when actually whatever he’s doing is a hobby while sponging off you and his own children.

But you know all this, so it’s a case of put up or shut up.

It’s your kids I feel sorry for. Can’t even save their birthday money without daddy leeching off them.

These are exactly my thoughts too. Your poor DC will never see their own money again and think how much interest they are losing. Make him repay your DC. If you want to lend him money he will never learn how to manage his money. But it's not fair to let him steal from your DC.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 15/01/2024 11:10

What on earth is the matter with you?? I cannot believe you gave her your child’s savings! That’s dreadful behaviour!!

blimey! Sort it out OP!

caringcarer · 15/01/2024 11:15

pyjamaphile · 14/01/2024 15:42

I will obviously give him the money

Of course you will. Then whine a bit more.

You are setting a bad example for your DC. Also as you are the only one who can access your DC money, you stole it from their account to give to your partner who could have got a lift with his co-worker anyway. You say your DC will get repaid one day but one day may never come and if that money was in your DC account it would be gaining interest. Do the people who give your DC money for birthdays know you give it to your partner?

Heyhoherewegoagain · 15/01/2024 11:17

would give us his last dime,

Except he wouldn’t as he keeps taking yours. He’s never going to change

Despair1 · 08/05/2024 22:12

I think some of you are being extremely harsh on this man with the issue of £3000 from son being disproportionately criticised. You are a couple, he works full time and pays all the bills. That is a big responsibility and cannot be taken for granted ( I know alot of people who do take that for granted). Getting high interest loans and mismanaging money is a problem but doesn't warrant some of the unkind descriptions. I think you both need to have some serious discussions as to how to move forward with the money management issues, I appreciate that this is easier said than done. Otherwise, you will end up with a growing resentment that will severely affect your relationship.
It seems that you have alot of positives in this relationship

Beezknees · 08/05/2024 22:29

Despair1 · 08/05/2024 22:12

I think some of you are being extremely harsh on this man with the issue of £3000 from son being disproportionately criticised. You are a couple, he works full time and pays all the bills. That is a big responsibility and cannot be taken for granted ( I know alot of people who do take that for granted). Getting high interest loans and mismanaging money is a problem but doesn't warrant some of the unkind descriptions. I think you both need to have some serious discussions as to how to move forward with the money management issues, I appreciate that this is easier said than done. Otherwise, you will end up with a growing resentment that will severely affect your relationship.
It seems that you have alot of positives in this relationship

Yawn. I work full time and pay all the bills as a lone parent, I don't steal money from my child.

Despair1 · 09/05/2024 09:26

Yes, me too!

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