AIBU to not borrow DP money?

[bethe1uwant2]

We've been together 8 years and have 2 young children. We rent, and although I would love my own house, I don't know if it will ever be possible as dp since I have known him has been irresponsible with money and forever in dept.

I have on a few occasions had to pay his debt off which I've always made him pay back. But it's a vicious cycle.

He owes my 7 year old £3000 from his savings as he needed it to buy a car 'so he could get to work' turns out he could have got a lift everyday with co worker.

Recently I found out he took another loan out with ridiculous interest added which is another set back for us to buy a house.

He is self employed and although he's been offered employment which I have encouraged him to take, he gets defensive and refuses.

We only ever argue about money. He is a great dad and partner and a hard worker who would give us his last dime, but he is just so irresponsible when it comes to managing money. I have tried to help and asked to see his bank which he refuses.

He usually pays all the bills on time.
Anyway, over Christmas we have spent a fortune and are both skint. I work part time but luckily am good with money and have some savings, he has asked to borrow £300 as his bills go out tomorrow. I will obviously give him the money, but i need him to start managing it better and everyone i bring it up into conversation he gets defensive and we argue!

When will he learn? AIBU????

What is he borrowing money for / spending money on??

I feel sorry for your children- 2 spendthrift parents who can’t get their act together.

You must be absolutely desperate for a man to put up with that 🙁

I will obviously give him the money

Of course you will. Then whine a bit more.

STOP lending him money
I can't believe he borrowed your DC savings!!
His mindset needed to change to that of a responsible parent not a spendy teenager
Tell him to make an appointment with CAB or the like who can arrange payment plans with debtors if necessary
Cut out unnecessary " wants" and consider every £ you spend
He would be better off getting a regular job too

Well if everything is marvellous, why are you posting? Noone is going to approve of a grown adult in employment taking money from a kids savings, are they? Why doesn't he just get a better job and earn more money?

I bet he's a gambler, actually.

Please don’t enter into a financial commitment such as marriage or joint property ownership with this man.

I can’t believe you gave him £3k of your child’s money, without even so much as a payment plan to get it back.

If you don't want to walk away I would give him once last chance. He goes on a money management course and you see drastic improvements. Otherwise, cut your losses and get rid.

If you can't "make sure" he has enough for the bills and only asks for money from your children in an actual emergency, good luck "making sure" he sticks to a payment plan.

You said in the title your op that you don't want to lend him money, but you're happy to steal your child's money to lend to him instead! Woah.

Set the repayment plan to repay your child not build savings. Repay this first and then save. Your child may not have access until he is 18 but he is missing out on earning interest on that amount unless DP is paying him that too.

As you both know you will have 2 weeks off unpaid budget for that ahead rather than spend and catch up. It's not rocket science.

Further you say you have slent a fortune over Christmas. Again and I don't mean to sound harsh just don't. Budget wisely and live within your means

*I allowed him to borrow the money which I will obviously make sure he returns"

How exactly are you going to make sure he returns it? Short of him being paid in cash and you literally taking that from him what's the mechanism to do that?

Were you aware of his imoney irresponsibility before you had a child?

You can’t afford to work part-time. You need full financial independence from this train wreck.

If he wants 300 to pay his bills, it should be on the condition of opening up his finances and letting you see everything. Then the two of you will make him a budget. That budget will include a payment to repay the money he took from your child.

Have you thought about the fact that he needs to be putting in about 25 a month without fail to get it repaid on time? That money also isn’t earning interest.

I think you have blinkers on OP. Which is understandable.

Good luck.

Christmas comes at the same time every year.

If you know you're always broke in January plan for it so that next year you will be prepared.

I'm surprised you were expecting a different response from posters frankly.

If he pays all the house bills does he have any disposable income?
If he has disposable income there is a choice not to save, but if he is maxing out every month paying bills, that is a different matter.
Is he up to date with the Inland Revenue?
You need a good honest sit down discussion with pen and paper, and a look at outgoings allowing for all the recent increases.
I would want to be sure he's not struggling to make legitimate ends meet firstly.
Are there childcare costs involved? Does his work pay enough- will it pay enough going forward? Etc etc.
I wouldn't link finances but I would want to make sure it's reasonably fair for both of you.
When you do sit down, see what expenditure you can reduce. Concentrate on getting an emergency fund. Then pay of debts and don't get any more.
If he is open to learning about money management, perhaps he's just not had the opportunity before.
Good luck.

How will he possibly pay your kid 3 grand back, he can’t even pay his bills.

You need to look at a budget as a family.

You work part time - pay for "what you can" and save.

Perhaps if he paid only for "what he can" then there would be things going unpaid.

The only way you can know if your budget is fair to both of you is to look at what you have coming in, what needs to go out on fixed expenses and what is left to pay for fuel, food, haircuts, presents, leisure activities, annual bills such as house and car insurance... He might be needing loans to cover the fact that there is a shortfall in your income compared to outgoings and the only way you will know is to look at the figures. If that is the case it will only spiral unless your income or outgoings change.

Why will you 'obviously give him the money'?

Seriously.

Why?

You lend money if giving to others and borrow if your receiving it.
You would be crazy to lend him any he's a grown up who should prioritise his money.

If, as the op says, he's not hiding anything, then where is the money going?
She would know if it was large luxury purchases, right?
I strongly suspect it's covering all the bills.
Let's face it, you need a bloody good wage for one person to do that nowadays.
Income probably needs to go up and outgoings down.
He could maybe take more work to pay back the £3000 which looks like it won't be paid back otherwise.
How part time is part time,op? Could you work more and contribute more to the bills?

You’re clearly not going to listen to reason so nothing will ever change. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You’ll never own your own home whilst you’re with him, unless your partner accepts he needs to manage his money like a responsible adult.

He’s not going to do that whilst you’re treating him like a child and bailing him out every time he fucks up. Where’s the incentive to sort himself out?

You could do so much better with a decent man who acts like a responsible adult and parent. Sadly, you picked a Lemon. 🍋

The priority should be setting up a plan to repay your child's money not for him to be 'saving', it sounds like there'll always be an excuse for him to spend it 🤨

He falls well short of being a great dad and partner,I wouldn't give him another penny.

He is not a great dad, or partner. He would not give you his last dime. He has just stolen 3k from your child; he allows you to bail him out.

he is not a hard worker either, he refuses employment. You are delusional. Leave now