Do you think men seeing escorts is common?

[JaneyGee]

I was just reading the ‘do you think affairs are common?’ thread, and it made me wonder about sex workers. Do you think it’s more common for married men to visit escorts than to have full-blown affairs? Maybe I’m completely wrong, but I’ve known several women (all friends of friends) who’ve caught their husbands messaging or googling local escorts. It’s just so ridiculously easy these days. A man can lay in bed and scroll through dozens of local prostitutes on his phone. His wife could be asleep next to him as he does so. If a married man wants more sex, an escort is a much quicker and easier way to get what he wants. He’s also less likely to be caught.

I’ve heard married men at work joke about visiting escorts. Whenever one of them has to go abroad for a few weeks on business, the others joke about looking up the local escorts, or having escorts come to the hotel, etc. Somehow, they don’t quite feel like jokes. Sad thing is, I generally like these men. They have always been very pleasant to me, and don’t come across as seedy or lechy.

@Annacondas times this by the thousands and thousands of women you'll see on well known escort sites making this a full time living. No demand, no supply. More common than you think....

It's a small minority who get women easily though.

And you sleep at night knowing you sleep with other women’s husbands and are complicit in the break up if happy homes? Where’s your morals and your sisterhood?

@bringonyourwreckingball wow… that’s absolutely shocking. I am so sorry the shock must have left you reeling 💐.

please may we know , how did you find out?

I hope you kicked him out! X

Its not keeping my head in the sand - your experience is not reflected in the statistics. That's simply a fact. It's not most men.

And it is absolutely infantilzing men to say they can't help themselves when it comes to sex. It comes dangerously close to excusing inappropriate behaviour and not holding them accountable for their actions.

Many women have just as high a sex drive as many men but their actions wouldn't be dismissed as ' not being able to help themselves'. Your stance is inherently misogynistic as well as being offensive to men too.

She hasn't made any vows. These men are 100% responsible for their behavior and the consequences of it.

All of this is more common than most of us would like to think. All these sex workers wouldn't exist if there was no market for it.

Do you think it’s more common for married men to visit escorts than to have full-blown affairs?

No, I certainly don't think it's more common than having an affair. I also think 'friends of friends' is an extremely unreliable metric. You're hearing this stuff second or third hand with no real idea whether it a) happened or b) happened in the way it was told to you.

I've no idea what proportion of married men go to escorts, but I do think that a lot more men look up escorts online (out of curiosity or for titillation or whatever) than ever actually use them. Obviously plenty of men are paying sex workers but I think there are plenty who just fantasise about it.

Some will definitely try to message them in the hope of chat with no intention of ever actually meeting them. That would still be a deal-breaker for me as I'm not comfortable with my partner messaging other women for thrills (and also, it's shitty of them to waste a sex worker's time trying to get free wank fodder out of them) but I'm not sure whether everyone would count that as 'seeing an escort'.

If you see misogyny in my anti-misogynistic post that’s on you. Seriously you are hallucinating. Not one part of my post is misogynistic, quite the opposite. I stand up for women & hate that this industry exists and despite you not wanting to believe it—IS RIFE. You cannot equate to me paying prostitutes to satisfy urges to inappropriate touching or sexual assault. I think both are abhorrent- but they are NOT the same. And the stats? 12% of men studied admitted to it- you think that’s not a lot? And What you think most men who do it own up to it? The real figure is thought to be way higher.

And infantilising? No. I’m saying a LOT of men can’t help themselves regarding easily accessible, discreet sex that is on offer in every locality around the clock. How is that possibly me making men out to be child-like by saying they can’t help go out and satisfy their sexual urges? Seriously? Nothing infantilising about that I suggest you look up the world and while you’re at it look up ‘denial.’ Though Ignorance is bliss I know that.
Where did I deny that some women have high sex drives? I didn’t. Biologically men ON AVERAGE have higher & more powerful sex drives-scientific fact. I stated generally “more men than people think” Oh and yep- some women do see escorts. But it IS FACTUALLY FAR FAR less than men. That is reflected in the UNDENIABLY EXTENSIVE prevalence of female escorts & prostitutes than male. The demand is there. You simply cannot deny that. You CANNOT.
Don’t attack me calling me misogynistic (??) because I am delivering an uncomfortable truth. Trust me- I do not want to believe it either-this stuff destroyed my world-but there is truth in what I’m saying. Again- I did not say ALL men. I said a lot more than is known about because surprise surprise- men are not going to own up to it to partners are they? Don’t shoot the messenger.

*men paying prostitutes that should say not me Ffs 😄

A woman's body is not a work place. Sex is not work, just as romance and love are not work either. Some things can never be bought. This is prostitution and the men who use prostitutes have no respect for them. My allegiance is with the prostitute - I don't know they can allow their bodies to be used for money. I once knew a prostitute who gave up the profession because she felt violated and dirty. She used to cover herself in perfume to try and cleanse the past.

@MissusKay exactly and sometimes seeing an escort can actually keep a sexless marriage together, the alternative being an affair, with all it's messiness, complications, emotional bulls*, ultimately leading to divorce

@DefiantSparrow for some people like myself, having been on the game so long, I don't even give it a second thought. It's as normal to me as it would be to someone else going to the office or whatever...

You're lucky, you've managed to distance yourself from the exploitation. Men who believe that they're having sex are delusional. Prostitutes, both male and female, should write books or publish diaries about how they feign sexual pleasure, or about how they develop coping strategies to get through an encounter with a client they find repulsive.

Of course they do men are disgusting .
I remember watching a documentary about prostitution in King’s Cross.This woman to feed her drug habit and pimp needed to earn 500 a day she was only charging 30 quid but she got it and that was just one lady there was hundreds of them and that’s just one area. So how many men are doing this and willing to risk their health just for sex?
Then add in the higher end escorts,women working in massage parlours, strip clubs,
trafficed etc it’s a huge amount of women that surely can’t all be funded by the single men of the world.

Then add the fact that 1 in 15 men admit they would sleep with a child under 14 if they wouldn’t get caught. Then a quarter under 10.
I think people need to realise that the men that do this can come from all walks of life be married,single divorced etc.

If I remember it was mostly middle class men that do this.suppose it makes sense as you need money to pay for it.

The stats quoted earlier by a pp are 1% not 12% and that is the figure I repeated.

It's laughable to call it an uncomfortable truth when it's the opposite of the actual truth as evidenced by such a low statistic.

There is little point in engaging further. You said they can't help themselves when it comes to sex. You did not qualify it by saying some although have subsequently tried to. That's not what you said initially.

You should have just admitted you got it wrong instead of doubling down.

Furthermore, you said "if a man can fuck more women and get away it they will". That is hugely offensive to tar all men with the same brush is it not? You keep making negative sweeping generalisations that you wouldn't dare about any other group as a whole.

You haven't met every man on the planet. The stats dont back you up either. Im sorry for your experience but silly sweeping generalisations are simply foolish.

Saying men cant help themselves when it comes to sex is offensive to men, minimises inappropriate behaviour and doesn't hold them to account. It puts pressure on women to justify their actions and change their behaviour when they are not responsible for what men do. It's hard enough for women with the woeful success rate in rape prosecutions without other women bleating that men can't help themselves regarding sex.

Men absolutely can 100% help themselves when it comes to sex and to claim otherwise is appalling and a disgrace.

Check your internalised misogyny and raise your bar. Feel free to have the last word as it is like banging my head off a brick wall.

I'm hiding this thread now.

As a rape and dv survivor I find the lengths some people go to to excuse inappropriate sexual behaviour disgusting.

Im not here to “have the last word” or to argue. But you don’t seem to accept the 1% is a massive downplay on the truth- men who do this do not admit it. But I’m wasting my breath. Believe what you want if it makes you happy & blinkers you to the boom in prevalence of these services up & down the UK. You must think they are all just selling actual ‘massages.’

Perhaps your argument would hold more weight if you could indicate who has endorsed your research and why it’s of greater merit than that conducted by other sources. According to a range of sources ranging from statutory bodies such as the the ONS and groups working with and advocating for sex workers such as the PPE, ECP, Streetlight and Toynbee, it’s estimated that there are around 110,000 people in the U.K. involved in prostitution, or 0.14% of the population; and that around 12% of men have used a prostitute at least once, with something a little over 1% using prostitutes on a regular basis. What is the basis of your research that means we should trust it over the research methodologies of several major public policy organisations?

Not unusual in my experience in working a few jobs surrounded by men. Also Ladyboys are WAY more popular than I thought...😅

This thread is dumb and the tone sounds ‘off’, and I’m actually wondering whether many of the PP are in fact men who use prostitutes trying to justify their actions. Or normalise it so women think it’s not that bad when their men do it because all men do, it’s in their nature, they just can’t help themselves.

There’s even a prostitute (sorry I’m not aligning to the rebrand of prostitute to ‘escort’) using her clients as evidence that all men pay sex workers.

@Throwhandsupintheair my not soon enough stbxh always used to term sex worker when I used hooker or prostitute. It normalises it, makes it seem like a lifestyle choice. He got very very angry when I questioned whether he would be ok with either of our daughters using that as a way to earn cash at Uni. Not at all the same thing apparently. The level of cognitive dissonance in all this bullshit

Alright, well I will disclose that I was one for many years off and on. And it wasn’t fun, I don’t want pity or abuse, I’ve had enough of both. Was it a choice? Yes at least some of the time and I’m not going into it as it’s not relevant to the thread. What is relevant is that a lot of clients were outwardly respectable middle class men and at least some of them were in relationships. I didn’t want details most of the time though I did learn about some long termers. None would get any sympathy here but some had suffered some awful humiliation in their lives and found some escapism with me. I wasn’t going to despise them for that. But yes there were a lot of slimy sorts too.

Yes I think it's common, they've either visited one, looked them up or contacted them with thrle thought of going through with it. All men are the same, any woman thinking "not my man" let me tell you they have.

If these girls are escorts then yes, almost all men go with escorts. https://www.torchemada.net

As someone that used to work in the industry I’d say it’s the majority of men. Ordinary women just don’t understand. It opened my eyes and I now see men in a totally different light. It’s what they do. More than one man told me they don’t understand why women get so upset about it, it means nothing. They’re wired differently.