Do you think men seeing escorts is common?

[JaneyGee]

I was just reading the ‘do you think affairs are common?’ thread, and it made me wonder about sex workers. Do you think it’s more common for married men to visit escorts than to have full-blown affairs? Maybe I’m completely wrong, but I’ve known several women (all friends of friends) who’ve caught their husbands messaging or googling local escorts. It’s just so ridiculously easy these days. A man can lay in bed and scroll through dozens of local prostitutes on his phone. His wife could be asleep next to him as he does so. If a married man wants more sex, an escort is a much quicker and easier way to get what he wants. He’s also less likely to be caught.

I’ve heard married men at work joke about visiting escorts. Whenever one of them has to go abroad for a few weeks on business, the others joke about looking up the local escorts, or having escorts come to the hotel, etc. Somehow, they don’t quite feel like jokes. Sad thing is, I generally like these men. They have always been very pleasant to me, and don’t come across as seedy or lechy.

Yes I would say relatively common. So easily accessible nowadays

No I don't. I think it's relatively common possibly in certain demographics/circles but men as a whole no definitely not.

Actually I'd go further and say its pretty unusual.

They have always been very pleasant to me, and don’t come across as seedy or lechy

They hide it well then because that's exactly what they are.

No I don't think it's common. Some men genuinely find it gross or need an emotional connection. Some are wary about diseases, and yes I know you could get them from an NSA and that some prostitutes get tested regularly, but come on!

I remember reading a few years ago the figure of 1 in 4 men having paid for sex at least once in their lifetime. Take away the ones where it was a one-off say on a lads holiday, I'd guess you'd get to a low single figure percentage where it was say more than once a year.

I don’t think it’s common. I know of two friends who have ever been to a prostitute, one did it pretty often and one was a one-off in Amsterdam where he got kicked out with his pants round his ankles by the bouncer before he even got what he’d paid for. Both were single. Having said that, any married bloke is unlikely to blab about it so it must happen. But most men have more self respect than to do it, and to be honest no need or inclination.

I'd say pretty rare.

They are seeding and lechy even joking about it. How unprofessional. The men I work with have never said anything like that

Given the number of prostitutes I’ve seen in golf resorts, I think it must be pretty common

Well, it’s an industry because there is a demand for it, so I presume yes - many men do/have done it.

The “banter” in the office on the other hand, is grim. You should not have to sit there and smile while men joke about paying to have sex with (often) trafficked women while on WORK trips like you’re an extra in Mad Men, waiting to do their typing for them or something. I would honestly be either saying something out straight or going to HR and complaining.

Sadly I think it's more common that many women suspect and I think the same about porn use.

The “banter” in the office on the other hand, is grim. You should not have to sit there and smile while men joke about paying to have sex with (often) trafficked women while on WORK trips like you’re an extra in Mad Men, waiting to do their typing for them or something. I would honestly be either saying something out straight or going to HR and complaining

This. I would not stand for it at all. Revolting pigs.

You must work somewhere pretty shit OP if that’s the level of ‘banter’ in your office. I’d be updating my CV, the first time I heard this kind of talk.

I’m also middle aged, previously lived a fast life and would say that visiting escorts is not widespread. Maybe in some circles like yours, but none that I move in. In fact a fair few guys I know would be as turned off about it as I am of male strippers, who I think are gross.

To be honest though, I sense you’re a bit bored today, and decided to try and freak out some women about what their husbands are up to.

They have always been very pleasant to me, and don’t come across as seedy or lechy

The conversations you are overhearing ARE seedy and leggy and shouldn’t be happening. Where on earth do you work?!!!

it isn’t even slightly “normal” or “common” to pay for sex.

Yes porn use is definitely widespread but I don’t think viewing legal porn is in the same category as hiring escorts and prostitutes.

I think that cheating is more common than ”we” think (especially amongst women tbh) but I don’t think that escort use is that common.

No it's not common at all. The vast majority of men have never paid for sex, and it's certainly not anywhere as near as common for men to visit escorts as it is for them to have affairs.

Around 14% of men have paid for sex in their lifetime but only 1% have done so in the past year. That's according to a US piece of research from 2013 but I doubt it's any different in 2024, or in the UK as opposed to the US. https://www.businessinsider.com/paying-for-sex-is-not-as-common-as-once-thought-2013-3

The sort of men you are talking about - like the so-called "hobbyists" in this article who use escorts on a regular, casual basis - are a tiny fraction of 1% of all men.

I think I read it was 10% of men who have used a prostitute. No idea how accurate that number is. I think it's more common than people realise and it's often the men you wouldn't expect.
We went on holiday to Holland, not Amsterdam but Utrecht. There was a barge on the river that was basically a brothel. Every lunch time there was this huge queue of men lining up for a quick shag in their lunch breaks. They all looked very respectable, like business men in suits. Many had wedding rings on. I bet their wives had no idea!!

I didn't say it was. And btw 'legal' porn can involve trafficked women.

I think it's uncommon.

I think so too but I guess it's easier to pretend that it is not that common. I suspect that very many men - given the opportunity and that their partner would never find out - would do it.

I think a few men use escorts a lot and a lot of men have used one once.

The type of men who have stags in Amsterdam and trips to Thailand alone or just with the lads will fall in the at least once but likely a regular user I reckon. Could add in magaluf and Ibiza if you really want tho that’s more cheating than escorts.

Golf club escorts being the higher end type of presume the wives likely know but don’t miss the money and prefer that to an affair that could end the marriage.

I think with the rise of adult work and sites like that it's so much easier for men these days to get sex on order. There are review sites and everything. I think it's more common than we probably think if it wasn't then all these women wouldn't be in a job.

I don’t think it’s common, but I do think that the men who do use prostitutes would surprise a lot of people if they knew. In terms of your colleagues not coming across as seedy or lechy: an ex girlfriend of mine many years ago was a receptionist for a “massage parlour.” One of the things she found most surprising was how many of the clients seemed to think that the women they were seeing genuinely liked and enjoyed their company: they’d bring gifts, they often talked about the “special bond” they had with the woman they were in to see. I think a lot of men who use prostitutes don’t think of themselves as taking advantage and really do see it as a mutual relationship. “The popularity of “Girlfriend experience” as a service probably also reflects that.

And at some level, can you blame them? A lot of sex workers themselves say - whether they’re being truthful and emotionally literate or not - that they enjoy the work, find it empowering, have chosen to do it. If they’re saying that, then it’s not unreasonable that their customers are going to take them at face value and believe them.

No I'd say escorts get less work from these men since Tinder and other hook-up apps became popular.