Are my kids naughty or normal

[Jingledog]

I have a 2 year and 3.5 year old DS. Went shopping today and the 2 year was in pram wailing until he was given snacks and screeching at top of lungs.

3 year old wanted to do everything tap the card put food in trolley scan items etc when I did some too as he had a meltdown threw himself on the floor screaming and saying mummy I wanted to do it. Same in the next shop then running off after pigeons and not coming back.

Went for lunch ystrday with friend and who has kids same age they sat there nicely next to their parents at the table playing with some little toys and looking at books while mine ran loops around the restaurant cackling at the top of their lungs and wouldn't settle until I resorted to giving them screen time.

I have tried not giving in to them but the tantrums are extreme and long so sometimes give them what they want as my nerves can't take anymore.

Is it the way I've patented or is this normal behaviour?

@VirtualRealitee no I just want to know the one who suggested physical restraint. I'd like to know how her methods worked in the long term to see if her kids grew up to be happy, positive members of society. Hence proving whether or not she has a valid point

You give in = the tantrums continue.
You refuse to budge = they stop. Eventually.

If you, as a child, get your way misbehaving, you continue. My mother took the noisy battles in public. A no was a no until we were old enough to argue intelligently and quietly convince her otherwise, because she wanted children who could use logic. Until then, we tested her, she didn't budge and in the end we didn't even try, because we knew screaming wouldn't solve anything.

I get it, you don't like being that parent who can't get their child to quiet down, so you give in. But take it from a person who really hate the sound of children screaming: I don't mind as long as the sound is followed by an adult voice calming saying 'no, we don't scream in public. Other people exist.' Then it doesn't matter if the child continues to scream. I know the parent is considerate of their surroundings and that eventually the child will be taught manners.

Oh don't be so silly.

Shops have existed for centuries and snacking is still a fairly new thing in comparison.

You'd do well to read the threads on here from 100s of women who can't regulate their emotions without food.

Unpopular opinion but that behavior for 2 ds sounds normal to me. Anyone judging you clearly doesn't have a clue.

No kids are perfectly behaved at that age but there have to be consequences for bad behaviour and reward for good behaviour. In a restaurant or cafe, I think it's fine to let them have a bit of screen time if it keeps them in their seats and quiet!

I would never let mine run around at a restaurant- it’s selfish and dangerous, it’s not the staffs job to dodge your child with hot items.Take your coat and play outside ( yes it’s cold ) if you need to run energy off. Children need space and things done before you expect them to sit . You need to train them to sit and play with some toys from your bag- set yourself up well and your ok. Restaurant waits are horrid as a youngster- it’s boring.

@SoFineOkay yes I do that

OP you asked if folk think you are being unreasonable, and you're getting quite sniffy at people who tell you what they think. These days many of us have had a meal out ruined by unruly DCs whose parents can't or won't control them. The reaction to your question is bound to reflect that.

Very good advice! I will heed this myself.

Sorry haven't rtft.

I have a mad 2.5yo OP.

And anyone who tells me to just 'make him' do anything I just want to murder.

I can't always control his behaviour so I try to control the environment which means I take him on a walk or to playgroup before we attempt to have lunch or any sitting down activity. And also make sure he's not too tired.

I make sure meeting a friend for lunch is VERY low stakes and they know it. Like if we need to make an emergency exit with food packed up in takeaway boxes that's what we do.

This means you can leave on a high if it's been good behaviour until that point or if it descends in to chaos quickly then you just tell them 'if you do that again, we're leaving' and you leave. You can never back down. That also means you have to be careful what you threaten because you'll have to do it.

Shopping/ car parks/ near roads etc all still need to be in the pushchair right from the get go. Don't test it. Does he scream, kick and thrash - yes sometimes. But safety first.

Had A LOT of success with the techniques in 'how to talk so little kids will listen'.

If I totally lose him, it's literally a fireman's lift to the car.

We are having less and less tantrums of nuclear size now his language is improving.

Solidarity! You can fix this. But it is exhausting to never be able to relax and enjoy them.

Sil is that you….. she has two boys who run riot every bloody where. I won’t meet up out with them. Problem is only dad tells them off mum is far tooo wishy washy.

Children just can’t be running around restaurants or cafes. So what if you have your day then ruined having to leave.. hell of a lot better then your kid getting burns because they cannot sit down.

The more you give into these meltdowns or tantrums the more they will do it. They no if they scream and stomp and throw themselves around mummy eventually gives in.

I’ve got three children 1 boy and 2 girls and by far my most headstrong was actually my youngest she hated being in the pushchair and would try and squish out her car seat while the car was moving but she had no choice in the matter she had to be in the seat or pushchair when I the parent said so no matter how much she screamed or tried to wriggle her way out it was a must. I’m the parent not her for her safety she must be restrained.

Same running around the restaurant its not safe for their own safety you must control them.

It's not normal. Stop giving in and parent your child. It's hard at first, but once they realize it won't work the tantrums will stop.

I know you think this is a very clever reply but what this does is tell me you are also in the same category as the other poster.

As you’re confused about what I meant, I’ll spell it out, @TheShellBeach parented toddlers a long time ago. This is very clear by her other comments which are embarrassingly out of touch with the reality of parenting toddlers.

They sound over-indulged to me. My friend’s 3 y o threw herself on the ground and gave way to grief when we had to leave the play park. Her mum stood watching her until she calmed down and said ’get up, Ella. We’re going home now.’ Another friend’s two y o had a tantrum because we wouldn’t wait while he messed about climbing some steps. His parents just said ‘come on, Billy, let’s go.’ No attempt to reason or pander to it.

Going against the grain maybe here but honestly at these ages with two of them I'd try and just make your life easier by doing online shopping and not many restaurant outings. It's just stressful to you and if you end up having to give screens they aren't really learning anyway. I still don't take my six year old shopping with me, and not often to restaurants but when we do he does behave. It's so hard especially in public when you know you can stop a tantrum by handing over a screen but maybe just try going out next time without any, and telling the kids before, so it won't be an option.

F

They’re not naughty, all behaviour is communication.

The problem here is your poor parenting. You are causing these tantrums by giving in. You have literally trained your children to scream at you to get what they want.

Giving in doesn’t make for an easy life like you think it does. It kicks the can down the road and makes the problem more difficult to deal with.

OP, did you miss @LenaLamont's post. I thought it was spot on.

The idea with tantrums is to stay calm but not give in to them. Your children sound quite normal for their ages, but everytime you give in to a tantrum you are making the problem ten times worse.

Sometimes it is necessary to use physical restraint! If a child is running away, it's for safety.

The food shop - as others have said, I think do it online.

Restaurants - I think you’ve got 3 options:

1. Stop trying to take them to restaurants. Meet your friends in parks, soft play, or other venues that won’t be so stressful.
2. As others have said, have a system of consequences where you go home if they run around and don’t listen. I know you think this is unfair because it ruins your outing, but it doesn’t sound like much fun for anyone at the moment, and with a bit of luck things start to improve.
3. Resort to the iPad / snack plan - and with that the issues others have pointed out.

They are so little op and they are not naughty they are just curious about the world around them. A 2 year old at the supermarket surrounded by food so wanting a snack sounds entirely normal. Why don't you take a pouch of snacks with you. A 3.5 year old wanting to join in the shopping sounds totally normal. It's so hard when you are tired and in the thick of it to just want to get on with the shop and not take 3x more time to let the toddler do it with you but you need to find ways to direct him and get him involved. My ds quite like to push a toy pram around the supermarket and I used to ask him to fetch things for me. Or just get your shopping delivered and go to the park instead. In my experience it's very unusual for kids this age to sit still for long periods of time, they always want to be busy.

My daughter was like this at 3 and her child (a generation later!) was the same as well - karma or what? Anyway, the main thing that worked for us was to be firm on the boundaries at home first of all so they could tantrum as much as they liked without disturbing other people. We never threatened a consequence without following through, so nothing extreme like 'if you do that again you'll go to your room until tomorrow with no dinner' more 'no TV this afternoon' or 'no yummy pudding'. They need to get the message that bad behaviour has consequences. Be firm and consistent at home, mop up the tears and then have a cuddle when the storm blows over. Going out will get better if you don't weaken. Good luck.

Yes it sounds normal. My DS is 4 and although he doesnt tantrum anymore he doesn't sit still, I think he would eat stood on his head if I let him. I thought he was unusually hyperactive but having spent time with my mum friends with same age kids he is normal, unfortunately for me🤣.

it sounds totally normal. You're doing absolutely fine no matter what anyone says. I have a 7 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl and I can honestly take the 3 yr old girl most places and she's fine but my son at the same age was a bit of a nightmare (he's fine now). There's often a boy/girl difference.

Wow.

OP you've been told now. It's your awful parenting and the tantrums are totally your fault. 😫 I bet you feel reassured now.