Are my kids naughty or normal

[Jingledog]

I have a 2 year and 3.5 year old DS. Went shopping today and the 2 year was in pram wailing until he was given snacks and screeching at top of lungs.

3 year old wanted to do everything tap the card put food in trolley scan items etc when I did some too as he had a meltdown threw himself on the floor screaming and saying mummy I wanted to do it. Same in the next shop then running off after pigeons and not coming back.

Went for lunch ystrday with friend and who has kids same age they sat there nicely next to their parents at the table playing with some little toys and looking at books while mine ran loops around the restaurant cackling at the top of their lungs and wouldn't settle until I resorted to giving them screen time.

I have tried not giving in to them but the tantrums are extreme and long so sometimes give them what they want as my nerves can't take anymore.

Is it the way I've patented or is this normal behaviour?

Wailing for snacks - next time go prepared with some snacks and have them ready. Look for triggers and preempt them. Have snacks and a drink and something to play with wherever you go. I had little "busy bags" and would get them to put a toy in and add a crayon or two and some pictures or plain paper.

Food should NEVER be used as a substitute for parenting.

There are enough children and adults struggling with weight and poor food relationships, without actually telling them to comfort or boredom eat.

Stop the food and step up to deal with perfectly normal toddler tantrums.

Although it does sound as if you need to be firmer OP, some of these replies are a bit high handed.

A child’s behaviour isn’t totally down to our ‘skill’ as a parent. The most balanced replies on here are from people with two quite different children who are acknowledging it’s also linked to the child’s character and are offering helpful ways of managing and limiting the tantrums / their inability to sit still.

You can and should strap a four year old into a high chair.

Why ever not?

Exactly...

Actually people have given plenty of advice but you've chosen to ignore it all and become defensive. Presumably you know their behaviour is bad or you wouldn't have asked?

Anyway, keep shoving an iPad in their hands, that'll do the trick. It's clearly working so well up to now.

I would not be taking that age to a restaurant it's not fun for anyone. I never take my two kids food shopping unless they are worn out. It seems like you're making your life unesasarily hard.

You’re embarrassing yourself now…

This thread is making me so happy that we're out of the toddler stage (only just!)

I was feeling sad about it, but not any more 😂it's such hard work but you will get through it op 💐

You knew her answer would be that they're adults so she's been through it and therefore can safely speak from experience?

Some of it is down to parenting and their expectations. Supermarkets are big overwhelming overstimulating places. Children need taught how to behave in them over time, it doesn't just happen. Some parents do this naturally and subconsciously others need to think and plan how they do it. Of course the type of toddler you have is also another big factor!!

I planned supermarket shops to make sure they were not too long and I didn't need too much in one trip so it wasn't as stressful for either of us. I did this either by getting online deliveries for non perishables or dc staying at home while I or dh shopped

ds was always in the trolley seat in the supermarket while he fitted in it, he was taught supermarkets are a place to do your shopping not a playground. He never expected to get out of the trolley in the context of a supermarket, it was his norm. I would try to keep him engaged with the shopping list and putting things in the trolley from his seat, or give him something to hold and talk about it. If he started showing signs of getting stressed/bored we would finish the trip quickly and one of us would go back later for anything missed until his tolerance grew with age (I appreciate not everyone has the flexibility, support or time to jumped back in the car quickly later without dc).

By the time he was too big for the trolley seat he had a good idea the supermarket was not a playground and certain behaviour was expected. He was taught to stay beside the trolley and we basically transferred what he learnt in the trolley seat to walking, he knew he was not allowed to touch anything on the shelves, as we stuck to firm consistent boundaries, unless we were buying it, so only touched and put in the trolley when he was told we were buying it.

Restaurants are the same, they need shown at home to sit at a table with family for the duration of meals and then transfer those skills to restaurants and they will learn how to behave. If they are taught at home boredom is alleviated with portable screens they are going to want them out and about. If they get screens to calm them down when they tantrum, they will tantrum as they were taught that.

Consistency is the key I think at that age so they know what is expected of them.

They're fine, thanks.

@sexnotgenders yes most people are being very helpful and imparting wisdom

@TheresaCrowd and @TheShellBeach are being unnecessarily antagonistic

@TheShellBeach All well adjusted happy individuals I hope?

Mine would be able to climb out of the high chair, they would have simply unclipped the straps and climbed out.

It's not at all a substitute for parenting but recognising that hunger can cause difficult behaviour and toddlers only have small stomachs. Don't go into a supermarket with hungry kids really is 101 and having snack on you for when they're hungry is just good planning tbh.

Look at Maslows hierarchy or needs - are they hungry/tired/cold .... do they need attention/connection.

Absolutely this

@LondonLass91 exactly.

I take my 3.5 year old to cafes regularly and he always goes grocery shopping with his dad. In fact he goes everywhere with us - museums, public transport, theatre..... He's a joy (most of the time!!) But he knows that if he misbehaves we will leave, no ifs no buts. And no screens, no snacks as distractions - for me that's not effective parenting.

OP why are you so interested in the ages of people's kids and how they're getting on, if you don't happen to like their advice?

Would you prefer everyone said 'Keep chucking food and ipads at your kids and to hell with parenting them'?

Is that what you want from this thread?

So true, wise words. Just repeat 'this too shall pass..'

I have children almost the same age as yours.
Your 2 year old sounds completely normal - I had to take the kids to Clarks for new shoes today. As soon as my little boy (almost 2) was free from the pushchair he ran for the doors consistently until I strapped him into the pushchair again. He then cried for a snack.

My 3.5 year old is a girl, so maybe that makes a difference. She's way more compliant to my request. I used a single pushchair and buggy board and she can walk along side and in shops whilst staying close. She has occasional tantrums when we are out - e.g. if she sees and ice cream van in January and I say it's too cold for ice cream!

At the moment I try and plan fairly chilled centred days out and keep shopping trips ect to a minimum. I'll do mostly online shopping and they can both still nap in the double pushchair so that helps. Have you read any parenting books -"the book you wish your parents have read" is good and I listened to it on Spotify. It helped me to see things from childs point of view and sympathise more.

Bundeena- to be fair i could easily have taken ONE child to a cafe as it was 1 on 1 time and way to be responsive and interactive with them.

2 under 5s is another kettle of fish!

And your post is the embodiment of the typical 'well, they're my kids, so everyone has to have the feral brats inflicted on them' attitude.

Do you intentionally put your kids in danger by letting them run around in an unsafe environment, where hot food/plates are in evidence? Hmm, says a lot about you then, doesn't it? No doubt you'd have a hotline to 'Lawyers are Us' if one were to be injured?

I know it's hard, but you either need to give in immediately or don't give in at all.

All they have learned is if they keep screaming long enough you'll eventually cave.

You need to change that expectation. If you think you'll cave and it doesn't really matter then give in before it escalates. Otherwise you need to tough it out. It will take time.

I have 2 boys 13 months apart that are now adults. As soon as they could understand, I explained that I wanted to be able to take them places but if they didn't behave then we wouldn't go. Your eldest is well at that point and your younger should be getting there.