DS being bullied for his coat! It’s not that weird is it?

[Packofnerves]

DS turned 7 in dec and I brought him a new coat something different.He absolutely loved it and had lots of compliments from his friends at footie. But his school friends seem to pick up on everything and are so critical.

His school friends keep asking him why his coat is like that. It looks silly and it’s not a proper coat. He stopped wearing it for a little while and then wore it again on Friday and it’s the same stupid questions from them again.

https://www.napapijri.co.uk/shop/en-gb/npj-gb/sale-kids/rainforest-pocket-anorak-jacket-na4gna?variationId=041

He’s been odd all day today so withdrawn sitting in his room all day wouldn’t come to the park with me and his siblings. Refusing to get dresssed and sitting in his pyjamas and seems to get tearful really quickly.

I don’t know what to do!

Sounds like jealousy to me . Does your child usually have more expensive things / experiences than his school demographic? Even small children can sense when someone has all the "good" stuff and it can make them envious.

I could have written that! I remember getting a ski jacket (which wasn't actually a ski jacket, it was a fashion one, it was the 80s) It was very bright, warm and had lots of pockets. I absolutely loved it! And I got picked on badly for it. But similar to you, I went to primary in a deprived area, but lived on the outside of the area with 2 working parents and a nice house. So it wasn't actually the clothes I wore that triggered the bullying, but the fact that I'd get nice, new things at all. And it definitely wasn't that I was rubbing it in. Up until the bullying started, I thought everyone was the same! I ended up being nervous about everything I wore, my lunchbox, my P.E bag, everything. Because they'd bully me mercilessly for it. Kids do get jealous and bully, its naive to say they don't.

@RedToothBrush Same where we are. You even find designer coats (£100-200) discarded and forgotten about in the Lost property, that are then handed out for free at the end of year.

Anywhere the houses are circa 500k+ you could expect this.

There are Next/M&S coats too, but defo no primark or supermarkets.

Huh?

Your son could change his coat to the exact same one that the ringleader has, and he would still be bullied, they would just find a different "reason".

It might be different with seven year olds — and it really depends on what's actually going on in the original interaction — but I was maybe a couple of years older than that when I discovered that immediately swapping the targeted item for something seemingly more acceptable was not necessarily very productive. I'd have shown them that they could make me do whatever they wanted, and they were gleeful about seeing that demonstration of their power. I'd then be mocked for complying, for copying other people, for thinking I could make people like me using my possessions, and so on, and the new item criticised. Then maybe they'd target something else, to see if they could get me to change that and then laugh about my compliance.

Even if, unprompted, I happened to turn up to school with something which was too similar to what the "popular" kids had, I'd get the piss taken out of me — why was someone like me pretending they could be cool, you look stupid with that bag, etc. etc. So, as a teenager, for example, I might fly under the radar with a fabric shoulder satchel, but a rucksack (especially if worn on both shoulders) might attract pisstaking for being sad or a geek, and a fashionable Jane Norman shoulder bag would've got me mocked for trying to be someone I wasn't. To some extent, most people did fit in with the expectations of their subgroup, but some kids could've got away with having something different, while others couldn't.

I guess there are times where it really is just about the coat, other kids find it funny, and once the coat is gone the whole thing's forgotten. Then sometimes this kind of criticism or mocking of someone's possessions is really part of a no-win scenario where the possessions are just the means being used. My experience isn't universal, I know that. But I agree that if it's a scenario like I experienced, the specific item can be a red herring.

Hmmm no. There's plenty of houses like that around here. DS is 9 and we still aren't seeing this level of splurg on school clothes. Plenty of very expensive coats at high school but not at primary level.

Maybe if the football kids loved it and he does and knows the brand he came off a bit show off like to the others so they said ha but it's not even a coat! Might not be all one sided, usually kids just misunderstand, most are not really mean just attuned to potential offence themselves.

If the OP's son turned 7 in December most of these kids will be six.

I feel the comments about the terrible groups of bullies are a bit much directed at 6 year olds.

There may be unkind comments and that should be addressed but I do think you are reading a lot into a comment about a nose from last year

My DD (6) came home and said her friend's house is very small. It is much bigger (and nicer) than ours but it's a bungalow so in her mind not having another floor means small.
She is unbelievably impressed by the friend who has three floors which my friend finds hilarious as they haven't started their project and it is in full, untouched 1970s state.

Kids this age don't see things in the adult sense.

You can’t get a shoebox round here for £500k and no-one buys fancy coats for six year olds. Probably because everything goes on the mortgage.

The coat is lovely. What are the staff doing about it? Please speak to the teacher to find out if anything else is bothering him and also speak to the kids. Why are some kids so mean??

Kids are mean . They will only continue if they see your son is bothered by it . He can either rise above it and say he lives his cost you are just jealous of he can stop wearing it . God kids are mean

As others have said, it's probably not the coat that is the issue. It's a very nice coat.

I really wouldn't start using a different coat for school. A child I cared for had a similar issue with a school bag. He chose a pink bag for the new school year and was absolutely chuffed! All the kids at school started asking him why he had a pink bag. "Are you a girl?" etc... His big brother said in front of the other kids that the bag was cool, and the questions soon stopped. He actually became pretty popular after that.

my 11 year old ds has the very same coat he loves it. No nasty comments from anyone. I hope you didn't pay full price for the coat op my sons was £40 from tk maxx the very same coat.

I just asked my 9 year old, he says the coat is the dogs and now wants one! The kids at your son’s school are obviously little shits.

Are they actually repeatedly saying stuff? Or is it just a one off comment that your son is sensitive to?
its a really lovely coat and I think. It’s a nice kind of different. I’d teach him a few responses and tell him that others peoples opinions are theirs and none of his business. He likes it and that is all that matters

its all about conformity when you are a kid. The coat doesn’t do up at the front with buttons or a zip like everyone else’s, so it’s ‘odd’ to them, and they are questioning it. Your son obviously does not like this.

its why I stopped doing ‘novel’ costumes for world book day and now just buy on Amazon. My son didn’t like being the odd one out and commented on by his class mates

Yabu for buying a 7 year old a £170 coat and posting a ‘woe is I’ status for a start.

She didn’t if you read the thread.

My son has this exact one, but he calls it a jumper and wears a coat over it 🤷🏼‍♀️

My guess it's just looks a bit unusual for them....at that age 2 obvious questions would be what does the word mean & why did you get that flag is that.
Literally the only thing I can think of so
a) There's a bigger problem and contact the school.
or
b) It's simple curiosity which they'll get over. But your ds might be getting overwhelmed a bit so 2 possible suggestions
1-Answer any questions with dunno me mum got it 👍👀.
or
2-Write down all questions and work out the simplest answers he can just shoot off at them.

🤞👍

Oh purerrllllleeeezzzz
all the people saying “buy him a cheap supermarket coat” errrr there’s nothing weong with the coat
its functional and right on trend.
the issue is small minded children who don’t appreciate different things wether its an item of clothing food or in some cases a persons skin colour.
i feel bad for your son i’d flip it and be like “ignore them hun there parents aren’t able to shop anywhere else but george so they all have the same ugly under-puffed puffer jacket where the zips smell like copper coins” bet when they get to yr 6 & 7 they’ll be asking for said coat….and your son will be a trend setter.
uggghhhh hate kids that are spurred on by jealousy or lack of culture awareness

So sad that he is only 7 and sounds like he is being bullied. I’m guessing they would pick up on anything the coat isn’t the actual issue. Definitely needs to be raised with the teachers. Your poor boy

@Packofnerves I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong with the coat per se. However when I was about 4 or 5 I had a pink anorak and matching hat with orange spots on it. I thought I was the bees knees. Somebody at school told me I looked like Mr Blobby and that was it. I flat out refused to wear it anymore, much to my parents’ dismay as I think it was from John Lewis.

The point is that kids can be really mean and if he really hates it maybe just let him wear a different coat - not worth the battle imo.

It says in the op that he stopped wearing it for a while because of the other kids comments and they did the same when he wore it again Friday, obviously op isn't making him wear it and the kids are just being little shits

Lean in to your son and tell him you can see he’s confused and upset about the comments. Ask him what he thinks about what they said. Then remind him he loves it and support him. Find a way to make it funny and defuse and then move on.