DS being bullied for his coat! It’s not that weird is it?

[Packofnerves]

DS turned 7 in dec and I brought him a new coat something different.He absolutely loved it and had lots of compliments from his friends at footie. But his school friends seem to pick up on everything and are so critical.

His school friends keep asking him why his coat is like that. It looks silly and it’s not a proper coat. He stopped wearing it for a little while and then wore it again on Friday and it’s the same stupid questions from them again.

https://www.napapijri.co.uk/shop/en-gb/npj-gb/sale-kids/rainforest-pocket-anorak-jacket-na4gna?variationId=041

He’s been odd all day today so withdrawn sitting in his room all day wouldn’t come to the park with me and his siblings. Refusing to get dresssed and sitting in his pyjamas and seems to get tearful really quickly.

I don’t know what to do!

I was a very quiet, painfully shy child. To be fair it was part of a larger pattern, I was picked on for lots of things… I went to a deprived school but I had a lovely big house

That’s why you were bullied. Quiet, shy, wealthy (in their eyes) - easy pickings.

If a cool kid had worn a big bright jacket the reaction might have been very different.

OR... having the resilience and narry a care in the world to laugh it off

I was horribly bullied through school due to shyness. I can easily imagine being that poster with the brightly coloured coat.

How I wish, I'd been comfortable enough in my own skin (that does not necessarily mean 'popular') to laugh things off and join the joke with care free confidence - yeah my coat looks like a giant inflatable banana... and so... ?!?

It’s a lovely coat and looks cool 😎 Don’t let the bullies win! Do not buy him a new coat! You will be sending your son a bad message if you do that.

Explain to him that a) the children just haven’t seen a coat like his before so are asking questions because of this not because there’s anything wrong with the coat; or b) the children are being silly and unkind, and that’s not how we should act.

Then, speak to his class teacher and get them to have a word with the whole class - a general word not specifically about your son or his coat. They can say they’ve heard some children being unkind and commenting on other children’s shoes, hair, glasses, clothes and that is not acceptable.

Don’t change the coat. Tell him to give as good as he gets. And more. The problem isn’t the coat. It’s the nasty bullies who will pick on everything he does if he gives in.

Nope, it looks good and works well as a coat. My 9 year old wears his all the time.

@Mirabai

It does make a difference if he struggles to get it on and off over his head, by contrast to his classmates who simply zip a coat on and off.

When he's taking it off he could get it stuck over his head, not be able to see and they'll all just stand and laugh at him, while potentially his shirt/jumper/whatever's been pulled up and could be showing off his tummy.

He's 7 years old not 16.

It's not just the style of the coat but it is functionally inappropriate for a 7 year old at school.

No, as I’ve said, he is 9. He also wasn’t bullied when he was 7, Or 4, and he has always just worn what he likes with no reference to his peers.

If these kids are just asking genuine questions I doubt the op’s son would be so upset. As I said, kids have asked my son questions about his appearance and he has given them a straight answer and that’s the end of the interaction- no one goes away upset and my son certainly doesn’t worry he should change.

He wears the coat in the op a lot and no one has commented.

@MotherJessAndKittens similar issue with the mud here!! What is it with kids and mud?! Go out perfectly beautiful, come home and shoes, trousers, coat all need cleaned again!!

This is another reason we don't send the pricey trainers and coats into school.

Again, it’s perfectly easy to get on and off- my small son manages without issue, and he has dyspraxia (amongst other things)- so if it was hard he would definitely struggle.

@Milange With respect your son is two years older and OP has not commented on how her son handles getting the anorak on and off.

My son is the same age as OP's and also has dyspraxia which is probably what made me think of this issue; he still struggles with coats. However, a lot of his NT peers do too. And those are typical coats with full zip up the front.

I would reserve judgement on whether or not it is a definite issue until OP feeds back information.

I think most 7yos would expect a coat to undo all the way from top to bottom at the front. This coat doesn't and I imagine that's why they're saying "why is the coat like that?"

Personally, I'd sell it on eBay and buy him a much cheaper, plain, standard coat that does up with a zip like a "normal" coat. It is beyond miserable being bullied and as a parent, you do need to do anything you can to avoid it for your child. Bullies are always going to be there, their parents don't care and won't do anything. They are probably bullies themselves. A parent that cares that their kid is a bully is very rare indeed.

7 year olds don't care about coats. This is not about the coat. If you get him a new one it will be something else. Someone has decided to bully your child and others are joining in. Go to the school.

Christ Almighty WHERE FUCK do you live?!

Fair enough- my son has been wearing over the head coats for a few years though and hasn’t had an issue. I’m presuming that the coat isn’t too small for the kid though, obviously if it’s tight it will be harder to get off.

In terms of stuff stuck over heads and T-shirts being pulled up- this happens regularly with groups of kids anyway because they wear jumpers that go over the head, and they do tend to be fitted closer than a coat.

Jackets and winter coats aren't the same thing. Winter coats are designed as practical outer wear for winter weather, which includes rain, sleet and snow. Pulling a wet coat over your head is unpleasant and impractical in a way that taking a normal coat on and off is not.

And it does look very strange in the sales photo. The body looks too short on the models, while also looking much too wide, especially on the upper body. The sleeves look like they are placed lower than the natural part of the shoulder, pushing the chest and shoulders up. If it looks even remotely like that in real life, lost of kids will think it looks odd. Because we've evolved to very quickly notice things that aren't quite right. And as they are children, they will ask about it, instead of politely pretending that the weird thing isn't weird.

People can argue on this thread all they like that it's not weird looking. But if it wasn't, the children in the OP's DC's class wouldn't be commenting on it and there would be no issue. I can tell you, as someone with an obvious facial deformity, kids comment on things that seem odd to them. They don't necessarily mean to be hurtful. While adults will literally tell you that what the kids are commenting on, isn't noticeable at all. Right after kids have commented. It's happened to me all through my life. This is just a far less serious, but way more stupid, version of it.

Exactly. There is no point changing to not get bullied- bullies will just carry on about some other aspect of you. They want to bully the victim so they will.

I agree that the coat looks incredibly weird in the photo.

I can easily imagine that garment becoming the hot topic of discussion amongst 7 year olds, even exclusively lovely ones; never mind a normal class made up of a mix of personalities!

You can’t be serious. It pulls over his head like a jumper or a hoodie. It’s not a straitjacket!

I'll probably be flamed for saying this but as a child I was badly bullied - schools do f all. It NEVER gets better. If it's proper, long term bullying then please just move him

@JoyeuxNarwhal You sound like a bully yourself

Making fun of another child for what they're wearing IS bullying. Stop victim blaming

Me either. This one grinds on me too.

This could be about a number of things (or a combination), hard to know from your posts (and it sounds like you don't necesarily know yourself):

-Bullys are picking on him and the coat is just the 'excuse'

-He has built up the coat in his mind (you treated him to something expensive, he got lots of compliments from football friends), and the fact that his friends are unimpressed by it has knocked his self-esteem

-Your DH making comments that he didn't handle it well has dented his confidence.

Have you sat down and spoken to your DS about what's upsetting him? I find it hard to get straight answers from my similarly aged boys but with gentle perseverance I can usually get something useful out of them. Sometimes it helps if I give them options (Does it feel more like that, or more like this?) rather than expecting them to be able to articulate it for themselves.

And I'd speak to the school on Monday - you don't have to storm in and say he's being bullied, but a chat with his teacher about his current friendship dynamics might shed some light on what's going on.

I agree. A child is being bullied and people respond with ‘why is the coat so expensive?’ and ‘buy him an Asda one’. I’d also talk to school.

The coat is well within the parameters of "normal". The species known as "bullies" (yes I am othering them, no I do not care) choose their victims and THEN come up with "reasons" for it.

Your son could change his coat to the exact same one that the ringleader has, and he would still be bullied, they would just find a different "reason".

I was bullied very badly in secondary - one of the "reasons" they gave was my glasses. One of the ringleaders had to get glasses, but the bullying still continued.

Just give the school hell, don't try to engage with the parents, they are usually scum who are raising scum.