DS being bullied for his coat! It’s not that weird is it?

[Packofnerves]

DS turned 7 in dec and I brought him a new coat something different.He absolutely loved it and had lots of compliments from his friends at footie. But his school friends seem to pick up on everything and are so critical.

His school friends keep asking him why his coat is like that. It looks silly and it’s not a proper coat. He stopped wearing it for a little while and then wore it again on Friday and it’s the same stupid questions from them again.

https://www.napapijri.co.uk/shop/en-gb/npj-gb/sale-kids/rainforest-pocket-anorak-jacket-na4gna?variationId=041

He’s been odd all day today so withdrawn sitting in his room all day wouldn’t come to the park with me and his siblings. Refusing to get dresssed and sitting in his pyjamas and seems to get tearful really quickly.

I don’t know what to do!

I'm more shocked that you spend £130+ for a primary school kids coat that just going to get trodden on and mashed on the cloakroom floor!

There is a kid in my son's class who regularly goes on about how rich he is and how much more money he has than the other kids.

He boasts about how he has the most expensive clothes.

He has all the cool new release books on the day they come out.

He has Pokémon cards that he just gives away, by uses them to bully / manipulate other kids.

It's caused no end of problems for various reasons.

He's only just turned 8 and it's been going on for some time.

So don't tell me that the kids don't understand this - I've had to deal with it first hand - and with DS getting upset at being told he's not as good etc etc.

It's quite pricey and maybe seen as a bit show offy for a young child.
That brand isn't looked upon that favourably by some folk either (like what happened to North Face, in that it became less desirable when certain groups became attracted to it, wrongly thinking it gave them some sort of 'status').
Other than that, who knows, kids can find fault with so many random things. Maybe the popular child decided he didn't like it/was jealous and the rest copied him?

We do this. There is some stuff we bought for DS that's now on its 5th owner which boogled my mind!

BUT a £130 heavily reduced coat for a 7 year old still is expensive - half price it's still £65 and you still can get really good quality brands stuff for the £35 mark tops even now.

Sport pursuit is great for outdoor stuff.

This is all about parents showing off their own status not buying good quality stuff that can be handed down.

This happened to my son he never wore the coat again and when I look back it was the first sign that a particular boy was bullying him. My son is now in his thirties and still remembers.

I don’t understand why posters are saying it is a normal coat. Coats do not normally go over your head, so to me it is an abnormal coat. Obviously no reason to bully somebody, but it isn’t normal.

My 9 year old wears this exact coat all the time.

Contact the school about the bullying.

The bullying needs to be addressed, I think the fact it’s to do with the coat is a bit of a red herring. However as an aside is a black winter coat with no reflective fabric really a good idea?

I find this idea that different necessarily =bullying really odd.

My son is noticeably ND, has bum length hair and wears clothes that are unusual in this area (especially on boys- for example his bag is a cross body Viv Westwood), and sometimes has his nails painted and wears makeup- he has never been bullied. He has had the occasional “why do you wear X” or “why do you have long hair”? but he just says “because I like it”, and everyone moves on. He has friends and is invited to parties etc.

People really don’t have to become an homogeneous lump in order to have friends and fit in. Kids should all be taught to be themselves, and be respectful of others. It really isn’t difficult or unusual.

I think it depends on the social skills your child has and the area you live in tbh.

I don’t think kids are bullied for their coat or their name or their glasses etc - they’re bullied because they seem vulnerable in some way.

If the biggest, most aggressive boy in the class was wearing it you can guarantee no-one would take him on.

Op you've clearly deliberately bought your son an unusual, different coat, of a style his school mates arent old enough to value fashion wise. Whether consciously or not you've sought to make him stand out from his peers- its worked.

This is ridiculous.

I know nothing about children's coats but I do know about being bullied all the way through school.

I would try to identify - is your child being bullied in general or is it literally questions from other kids about why their coat is different? Is it teasing or is it bullying? Is it curiosity or indignant questioning because they're all in the same 'no brands allowed' coat? Is it jealousy or is it hatred? Are they picking on him in other areas?

Most kids just want to be the same as everyone else and not stand out from the crowd. Kids are pack animals and they can and will mercilessly bully over differences.

Honestly the coat is odd and very impractical. It pulls on over the head like a sweatshirt, very strange for a winter coat. It's too short and too wide to look well-fitted. It looks weirdly bulky around the shoulders and chest. And if it looks so 'off' in the expensively arranged photographs designed to sell it, it will most likely look more noticeably strange in real life.

The other children are asking about it because they are children, they can see that the coat is weird and they don't adhere to the polite social norms of adults. There is a reason that in the fairytale the person who points out the emperor's nudity is a child. That's what's happening here.

@RedToothBrush

You are right - there are a few £70 coats from good brands on sale for half price at the moment so £35. Full price next or M&S is about that.

In saying that we got an adidas Lego coat for £50 (RRP £140), have no regrets and will sell for more than paid.

It’s something the kids can relate to.

And it feels reasonable as I would spend £50-150 on a coat for myself (full price £100-300).

The difference is when it’s a designer brand kids aren’t typically in (think Canada Goose or similar). Then it is definitely all about status signalling.

I do think OP’s coat, probably more than 50% off over Black Friday, is a reasonable buy and not excessive.

But it’s completely impractical for school purposes.

The coat doesn't look strange in real life at all, they are really nice jackets! How is it weird, its literally a normal half zip jacket, they aren't unusual 😂

IKR. It’s a jacket to wear to school, when he gets to school he takes it off. It makes no difference whether it zips up or pulls on.

It's a lovely coat. Quite a few kids at the school I teach at and DS's have that coat. I definitely agree that it sounds like the coat is a secondary issue and it sounds like bullying. Definitely speak to the school.

I don't think that this shows that there's a huge bullying issue against your child. I expect they just saw him putting his coat over his head, thought that was weird and some of the not so nice kids decided to pick up on it.

I'd definitely get him to wear it again if possible and if they say anything get him to tell them that it's a new cool style or something and not make a big thing of it and I bet they forget about it in no time. If they see he's upset and worried they'll jump on that, if he replies and takes no notice then they'll lose interest. His dad handled the situation terribly though, I think you need to step in and talk it through with him.

I think you need to chat with him to find out is it actually bullying or several kids commenting on the fact it goes over his head. If it is just kids commenting, then he is old enough to understand why they might make comment. My dd was having a similarish issue with a child from her sports club, and a video by a psychologist on Instagram really helped. If the kids are making comments to make them feel good, breaking that cycle can help. For example, asking them to repeat the comment and then after them repeating it, ask why they said.

Also explaining how we all like different things can help.

I think the cost of the coat issue depends on where you live. At my kids school an Asda coat would be more unusual than one costing £150. At 7 if would be more likely to be Didrikdon etc, by 10 more likely to be North Face.

Definitely more to it than the coat. It’s not the coat that is triggering the bullying.

Looks like a normal coat to me. I think if kids have decided to pick on some one they find something to pick on - so it might be about more than the coat as other have said.

I don’t think you need to worry about them having won if he wears another coat - it’s doesn’t need to be a big deal.

Your DH’s response however was awful. Rule number 1, is you never blame the child who is a victim in these cases. Never blame their response, never said “oh but why did they do that/ what had you done” etc It’s never their fault so don’t make it seem so. What he’s done there is v damaging. Fine to rehearse good things to say in a positive way but not this.

*I find this idea that different necessarily =bullying really odd.

My son is noticeably ND, has bum length hair and wears clothes that are unusual in this area (especially on boys- for example his bag is a cross body Viv Westwood)*

Is he 7?

7 year olds aren't intending to "bully". They however do not have mature social skills and will ask questions that adults would find rude or unkind. My sons school had a female teacher with a bit more than average upper lip hair and you wouldn't believe how many of the children innocently commented or questioned. At 7 a lot of children will simply notice something different and comment or question.

I was bullied for wearing a particular coat. And it was mortifying and I was trapped because even if I took it off, id still have to hold it.
Context is that it was a brightly coloured ski jacket. Years and years ago before lots of kids went skiing, it was a freezing cold snow day so I decided I wanted to wear my ski jacket. Everyone thought it was absolutely hilarious that I was wearing this massive brightly coloured jacket and I was bullied for years (think nasty nickname) for years over a single day. I was a very quiet, painfully shy child. To be fair it was part of a larger pattern, I was picked on for lots of things. But that damn jacket haunted me for years. I had no idea it would be such a faux pas.
It probably was jealousy in the sense I went to a deprived school but I had a lovely big house and 2 parents. But I was so sensitive to it, I never boasted (far too shy anyway) and I was actually often quite ashamed I was different to everyone else. Sad really.

Agree with poster who suggested buy a cheaper coat for school and he can wear the nice one at weekends however would probe school about bullying as might not just be about coat. My kids coats get manky as they seem to roll around in mud at breaks so prob wouldn't buy more expensive till they give doing that up (if they ever do😂)