DS being bullied for his coat! It’s not that weird is it?

[Packofnerves]

DS turned 7 in dec and I brought him a new coat something different.He absolutely loved it and had lots of compliments from his friends at footie. But his school friends seem to pick up on everything and are so critical.

His school friends keep asking him why his coat is like that. It looks silly and it’s not a proper coat. He stopped wearing it for a little while and then wore it again on Friday and it’s the same stupid questions from them again.

https://www.napapijri.co.uk/shop/en-gb/npj-gb/sale-kids/rainforest-pocket-anorak-jacket-na4gna?variationId=041

He’s been odd all day today so withdrawn sitting in his room all day wouldn’t come to the park with me and his siblings. Refusing to get dresssed and sitting in his pyjamas and seems to get tearful really quickly.

I don’t know what to do!

I'm so sorry, OP. It's horrible when your child is upset.

It is good however that he is telling you about it.

https://www.ahaparenting.com/read/12-ways-to-empower-your-child-against-bullying-including-cyberbullying

EDIT: There's nothing wrong with the coat. It's nice. The problem is the kids.

I've never seen or heard of this brand, but it looks like a normal coat, black nothing too "out there" I agree with others, I think he might be being picked on, I don't think 7 year olds would care so much about brands or know how expensive something is. Would they really care what coat someone else is wearing, I can't speak from experience as my child is abit younger .Kids can be cruel, I'd definitely speak to the school it sounds like bullying. Your poor son, bullying is just awful!

The coat looks normal to me. I think your feelings are right - perhaps it's not about the coat.

Those kids are just bullies and shouldn't get away with it
I really wish people wouldn't throw out 'bullying' with every conflict between children. The behaviours posted are not bullying and labelling them so, and the children involved, is not helpful to anyone, especially those who really are bullied. Was he (you) expecting compliments from everyone and not just his footie friends? His school friends made negative comments. At 7, maybe they don't understand the 'prestige/coolness' of having that coat like you do and are showing their thoughts as kids do? How did he present with his new coat because I cannot see why any 7 year old is going to look at that coat and take issue with it based on that alone.

Now, the OPs childs response seems pretty disproportionate and OTT so it IS possible that there is more going on so that would be where my focus went. Not some silly coat. Is this part of something a whole lot bigger.
Equally, if the OP has labelled every negative interaction as 'bullying' or made it bigger than it is, how will her child know how to navigate difficult relationships? He simply won't. It will just cultivate a fragility/lack of resilience. Yes, I know MN hates 'resilience' but it is important to find that balance and not influence how our children react.

I'd ask his teacher/the school to see if there was anything else going on first and base my response on whether there IS a bigger issue or not

There is no excuse for the bullying, that needs nipping in the bud with the teacher.

However, kids that age can be cruel and pick at anything ‘different’ - so there is a mixture of teaching your son to be comfortable with himself and also not buying something too far outside the norm that will make him a target.

I have a kid in year 2 and he just has the standard school coat with hood from Asda. Like all the other kids do just in different colours.

This one you link to is a bit strange with the big logo and pocket on the front. How does to do up? Over the head?

Also even if it was half price it is so expensive for a primary school coat!

I’d just buy a cheap one for now that is like his friends. Maybe take him shopping to choose?

Kids are pass remarkable.

For future buy something typical, run of the mill, interspersed with tops etc with favoured characters on/favoured sports gear.

Our DC same age has a few very “out there” pieces of clothing/shoes, but we keep them for home/weekend as to wear in school would incite bullying.

My rules to avoid it are blend in with clothes/interests/toys. And turn up for all the parties, extracurricular and so forth.

I don’t know what to do!

Don't spend £130 on a coat for a SEVEN year old for starters!

Deal with the bullying with school and stop stealth booasting on MN about what coat your kid has.

And to those saying it’s a normal coat.

Don’t be daft.

It’s an over the head insulated jumper type thing with a posh logo on the front. It’s unusual.

OP buy him a regular zip up and or buttoned coat for school. He can wear the other outside.

It is super cool and beautiful quality. But it would really set him aside in a typical primary school.

Teach him right now that the only way to cope with bullies is to stand up to them and the only way for that to work is to genuinely not give a toss about what they think. Help him work through the thought process: Does he respect someone who sneers at a coat? Does he like someone if they mock others. What is his judgement of them? Encourage him to be deeply judgemental of spineless bullies who get their kicks from making other children feel bad. Encourage him to feel deep inside that his taste in clothes is fine, he's not a sheep and he is strong and self confident enough to cope with the teasing.

My DS was constantly teased for his style choices. He's just landed a job as product manager of a big fashion brand and he's only 21. They don't have to fall in line with the bullies, But they have to learn deep down to judge them and not feel belittled because they have been judged, and not feel they need to be accepted by them. They need to feel: I don't want to be accepted by you. Your opinion scores very low on my chart of who I admire and like.

Could you encourage him to ask: Why do you care so much about my coat?- it's a bit weird and pathetic how much you care.

So the bullies AND your DH are critical of him and bringing him down.

He’s only just turned 7 so is really young to be going through this. I would try and arrange a meeting with the teacher ASAP and flag that he’s being bullied and that you may not have been given the full story.

The correct spelling is BOUGHT when you buy something. BROUGHT means bringing something.

I cannot for the life of me understand why so many British people mix this up!

Part of my issue here, is that the kids who get expensive stuff at this age, haven't all developed adequate social skills to deal with that respectfully to the others. So they booast about what they've got (copying their parents who are doing it for their own social status) and this ends up rubbing the other kids up the wrong way - its not about the coat, its about the kid coming across as saying "i'm better than all of you cos I have money". The other kids then react - sometimes its bullying but other times its purely about the lack of social skills of the kid who has gone around saying "Well MY coat cost £130" and has a total lack of self awareness of how thats somewhat crass and isn't necessarily nice if accompanied by the attitide.

My son had that in geeen but he hardly ever wore it

I wonder if its because it goes over his head and doesn't have a zip. Kids are so weird and annoying aren't they!

I'm sure many secondary pupils and adults would like that coat.

However, at 7, children are learning and applying social and cultural norms, and as part of that process, they become over-zealous in policing the norms they have recently internalised. They know it is the norm that coats have a zip down the middle, that goes all the way down to the hem. Your son's coat doesn't have that zip, and it's natural for them to initially be nonplussed that the 'coat' category is a bit wider than they've been taught.

Unfortunately, they've also learnt that challenging your son over whether he thinks it's a coat is fun. They're enjoying policing his misuse of language and they will remember all the previous times they've had fun doing that to him, every time they see the coat.

I think it's horrible, looks more like a cheap hoodie and certainly doesn't look like it cost that much

But it's not a very nice thing these young children are doing and very strange for children that young

My DS (now 21, so quite a long time ago) had a very similar thing at about the same age. The kids at school said his coat had "chickenpox" - which made no sense at all, but it seemed they were objecting to the fake fur around the hood (why this is chickenpox, to this day, I have no idea). It was not an expensive coat at all, just had the style of fur around the outside. I bought him another coat without the fur, and was careful not to buy him one with fake fur for many, many years.
All I can say is that kids pick on kids that have something a bit different. If your school has a good bullying policy, you might be able to get somewhere (but when I tried to talk to the school, they refused to believe this was going on).
No advice other than at least if it is a coat, you can change the coat (as opposed ot the colour of your skin) and fit in, so it is probably the easiest on a personal level and (eventually - as in, in ten years or so) this kind of bullying passes, and it becomes cool to be a bit different, and particularly to wear different clothes, but not at that age - they are just working out the power of the group and it can be brutal.

He sounds fab!

All of this is bang on if you’re talking about a 16+ year old.

For younger they may not be emotionally equipped to cope and defend their fashion choices to potentially 50-100 other kids in their year, never mind those who are in other years.

Our son has really really brightly coloured trainers, they are SO cool and were quite expensive. Do we let him wear them into school - no way, he has plainer, cheaper ones for pe.

The reason for school uniform is so that everyone is on the same level. It’s important in childhood.

I was imagining a ‘rainforest’ scene of animals etc…. and thought maybe it would be considered a bit babyish for a 7yr old, but there’s nothing amusing about this cost.

This is a great coat! My son has the spring version of this jacket in the green with the orange lining.

It’s more of a sporty type jacket and at my son’s football club they are all about cool gear and hairstyles so I can understand why the footballers appreciate it.

These school kids sadly have no concept of style!

I probably wouldn't choose this for a primary school jacket/coat. Just get a standard parka that keeps him warm and blends in. Really when you're at school it's better to blend in to avoid your child from being bullied. His happiness surpasses everything so please change the jacket!!
Save this jacket for the weekends like some people have suggested.
I havent seen a child wear this at the primary school my daughter goes to so it would stand out and I wouldn't understand why a child would wear it to school to be honest? It doesn't look warm or school like.

@Symphony830 footballers appreciate it because it’s a sporty type jacket that would be worn in a more casual sense. Not a school coat.

@Packofnerves it strikes me this might be a bit difficult for him to get on and off without making a tit out of himself in the cloakroom at that age too. This could be the issue. Have you watched him put it on and off and how much time this takes? It isn’t just how it looks but the functionality of the coat that’s different too.

I think it looks a bit like a short bodied poncho.

I can see why other kids may make fun of it a bit.

It's not a 'normal' zip up jacket, is it?

its nothing to do with the coat @Packofnerves . Your boy is being bullied and you need to talk to the school.

We had this for years with DS1

I had that exact coat in the mid 90’s. The brand is having a moment again. It was a cool outdoor brand when North face was less so. Nothing weird about it.

I disagree that 7yr olds know nothing about clothes. Perhaps not about branding but they know a cool coat when they see one. It’s jealousy.