DS being bullied for his coat! It’s not that weird is it?

[Packofnerves]

DS turned 7 in dec and I brought him a new coat something different.He absolutely loved it and had lots of compliments from his friends at footie. But his school friends seem to pick up on everything and are so critical.

His school friends keep asking him why his coat is like that. It looks silly and it’s not a proper coat. He stopped wearing it for a little while and then wore it again on Friday and it’s the same stupid questions from them again.

https://www.napapijri.co.uk/shop/en-gb/npj-gb/sale-kids/rainforest-pocket-anorak-jacket-na4gna?variationId=041

He’s been odd all day today so withdrawn sitting in his room all day wouldn’t come to the park with me and his siblings. Refusing to get dresssed and sitting in his pyjamas and seems to get tearful really quickly.

I don’t know what to do!

First, raise this with school and name the kids involved.
Second, if he wants a different coat, get him a cheap one just for school. I know you do g want to make it look like they’ve ‘won’, but that can’t be your priority.

Third, you will need to ask him if he wants help with practising better responses to being mocked. Asking them to stop will only make them do it more. This is hard - it worked with dS1 - he learned a few sharp responses delivered with mockery back- but not really with DS2, and he could still be very easily wound up at 8/9 - by kids who are actually really nice lads now (15/16) and they’re all mates.

It might be jealousy- one of them might have described it to a parent who’s commented on it, and is trying to put your son down.

I'd tend to agree that 7 year olds normally aren't into or even aware of brands or fashion. It could be something else going on.

But parents who’ve seen him in the playground might well know how expensive it is. I’ve overheard parents commenting on how much other parents have spent on clothes, trainers etc.

Christ I wish people would stop commenting on the price of the coat. It’s up to OP what she decides to spend and as another Pp said, ‘expensive is relative’.

I honestly don’t think this is about the coat @Packofnerves , kids who are intent on bullying will latch on to anything. I would also speak to the school. I hope your son is OK, bullies can make life so miserable.

7 year olds don’t know what these things cost, unless their parents make a big deal of it. Parents should know better than fuel this kind of thing. But as I said before, I don’t think it’s just about to coat.

Agree it's probably more than the coat, poor boy, the coat is normal.

If I think my kid needs help responding to someone who's being unkind to her, I'll roleplay it properly with her - I'll be the other kid and we'll play it out with both of us thinking of things she can say that might resolve things sensibly. I have no idea if she's actually used any of our ideas but it definitely made her feel a lot better and a lot more confident about going in.

I also think that it's not the coat that is the issue. The comment about his nose plus the coat issue indicates a wider problem, I suspect.
Have a chat and try to get through it together. Kids can be really cruel, and you have my sympathy.

For school I always go for a plain coloured coat and if there is a logo it’s faded and small.

I dont think there is anything wrong with the coat. However going to school with something a little different goes 2 ways - kids become mean and hate it. Kids become obsessed and love it.

It’s sad he has to go through that. Kids can be so mean

Is he carrying a cuddly toy in the pouch pocket à la kangaroo?

Could he just explain to them that it's like a 'hoody coat'. I'm sure that would satisfy their curiosity.

I actually love that coat.

I'm surprised at everyone saying it's a normal coat. I teach Y3 and I've never seen a child wearing a coat like that. It really is quite different. The school should be dealing with the comments but I don't think it's hard to believe children would comment on it. Children latch onto funny things.

Its weird because it goes over your head. Why didn't you just get him an ordinary jacket from mountain warehouse or wherever that just zips up? Its a choice reflecting adult fashion taste, not age 7 practicality.

Do you buy him a lot of very fashionable clothes in styles adults think are cute on children generally? By age 7 let him choose some stuff for himself in next or h&m etc

I’m so disappointed with the responses here. The majority are telling the OP to buy her son a different, cheaper coat so the bullying stops.

Do you realise what you are suggesting?

The OP’s son loves his coat, she states that in her OP and therefore he should be able to wear it without fear of bullying. Buying another coat is just pandering to the bullies and sets a terrible example for the child. Why should her son have to wear a different coat when he is very happy with the one he has?

Where will this end? And what happens when the bullies decide they don’t like his haircut? Shoes? etc. It’s absolutely ridiculous and does absolutely nothing to tackle the root cause.

We should be teaching our children that individuality is to be celebrated not feared. We should build their confidence and self-esteem so they can wear whatever they like! Every child has the right to wear whatever they like. We should teach our children that each and everyone of us is different, and that’s exactly how it’s meant to be.

Bullying is grotesque, however, changing what you wear to appease bullies is not the answer. Having the confidence to stand up for yourself is so important in life. If you teach a child to appease bullies they will find life incredibly difficult and feel unable to be their true selves.

I’m so sorry your son is having a difficult time OP. I detest bullies but know changing everything about yourself to appease others is no way to live.

High school kids might like it, but my experience is that things adults consider "stylish" are not how children of 7 want to dress.

My DS is 7. He would not like this going over his head etc. He would prefer a plain zip up school coat or something like army print with a yellow lining etc but not something adults would think looked "stylish".

I’d find out exactly what’s been said by the others and go in and see his class teacher on Monday. Let the teacher know the effect it’s bad and how withdrawn he’s been at home.
To those saying individuality should be celebrated, 7 year olds do t really go in for that! Send him in a bland cheap cot and keep his nice new coat for weekends.

My 12 year old and all his mates have that coat ( in different colours ) it’s a lovely coat.
speak to school about it, kids are horrible sometimes 😞
My 9 year old been having problems with some kids telling him his trainers are fake (they’re not)
could be sour grapes, but bloody mean 😡

Also to add, my 9 year old continues to wear the trainers as he loves them.

Whats cool for 12 year olds is not the same as what's cool for 7 year olds. 7 year olds like pokemon and nerf guns and toilet jokes. Not cool stylish brands that teens go for.

I have had the same all the way through school now in year 7 with my daughter. I buy what she likes and what I like her to have. Its my money and I will please myself. I am so sick of hearing get a plain coat, get a cheap coat.wear rags to fit in with the poor unfortunate kids who cannot have what my daughter has. I am sick of being made to feel bad and not bowing down. I would suggest your son says what my daughter says "Its my coat,not yours so you dont have to worry about it and I love it" end of discussion. Its crap when you cant have nice things for people getting offended and I am sick of it but thats not my problem . I know I sound heartless but its like being told how to spend my money to accommodate those with less and I am not willing to do that. Its a lovely coat OP and I really hope your son can wear it and enjoy it as he should be able to. Tell the teachers to explain we are all different and all like what we like differently and that should be accepted and respected.

@Easipeelerie children of 7 can be taught that individuality is a good thing in an age appropriate way. A 7 year old can understand plenty if it is discussed with them in an age appropriate manner, with examples and modelled for them.

Additionally, the earlier you start laying the foundations for confidence and self-esteem the better. Particularly given that bullying is becoming more prevalent among much younger children now.

Inspired by Macklemore by any chance? That's an old song but I don't know, maybe the kids still like it?

My 4yr old came home preschool upset as they’d made comments that his t shirts all had trucks/cars/bikes on. He was so upset I just went and got plain coloured ones. I didn’t think I’d have to deal with this for a while.
Pick your battles.