DS being bullied for his coat! It’s not that weird is it?

[Packofnerves]

DS turned 7 in dec and I brought him a new coat something different.He absolutely loved it and had lots of compliments from his friends at footie. But his school friends seem to pick up on everything and are so critical.

His school friends keep asking him why his coat is like that. It looks silly and it’s not a proper coat. He stopped wearing it for a little while and then wore it again on Friday and it’s the same stupid questions from them again.

https://www.napapijri.co.uk/shop/en-gb/npj-gb/sale-kids/rainforest-pocket-anorak-jacket-na4gna?variationId=041

He’s been odd all day today so withdrawn sitting in his room all day wouldn’t come to the park with me and his siblings. Refusing to get dresssed and sitting in his pyjamas and seems to get tearful really quickly.

I don’t know what to do!

Is it difficult for him to remove ? Might be fine at home with a TShirt but if he's got a school jumper underneath it might be more awkward ?
The other kids might be "Ha! Mini-Packofnerves is stuck" and if he reacted they'll do it more .

My DD had a fleece lined navy waterproof pullover kagoul that she kept as a spare at school , mainly becaused she poached it from her older brother !

I'd also worry in case someone stole it .

Don't make a fuss or say anything negative about his existing coat, but get him a nice but generic one and introduce this as a treat that he can be excited about.

His current coat can be kept for when he is out with you, when it is something special.

Personally I like his current coat, but I do see that the lack of a zip up the front, and especially the logos across his chest make this coat stand out which at that age a lot of kids don't like.

My own DS is a little older (10) and he is super confident when it comes to being heard but try and put him in any clothes that are not exactly the same as his friends are wearing and he gets very negative.

@AnonymousLighter123 Think you'd be better making your own thread. Also, not being mean but if you use paragraphs it would make your post a lot easier to read/ follow.

Sorry OP, this isn't about your DS and his lovely jacket, but I do hope that he is back to his normal happy self very soon.

"Even if it was half price it would be expensive fir a kid" ???

My main issue here @Allfur is probably not considered a problem by most people, many might actually agree with you. However, I find the attitude that it is ok to buy expensive (and therefore hopefully good quality) items of clothing for adults, but to just give our children far inferior clothing, very sad.

I know that they are still growing, and often very quickly, but I don't think that that is enough of an excuse to always have them in cheap (and therefore probably much less hard wearing and insulating) and almost throw away, clothing. I believe that cold weather outer clothing should always be of good quality, unless a parent cannot afford good quality clothing for themselves either.
I could have never dressed myself in better quality clothes than my children, when they were still children.

My rant is now over. Apologies again OP for my rude interruption.

The kids in my dd's class absolutely pick on every tiny little real or perceived difference in dd's clothes. It's really annoying because she then refuses to wear them. And these kids are meant to he her friends. Dd is 7 and we've been hearing about this nonsense for two years now.

Part of my issue here, is that the kids who get expensive stuff at this age, haven't all developed adequate social skills to deal with that respectfully to the others. So they booast about what they've got (copying their parents who are doing it for their own social status) and this ends up rubbing the other kids up the wrong way - its not about the coat, its about the kid coming across as saying "i'm better than all of you cos I have money". The other kids then react - sometimes its bullying but other times its purely about the lack of social skills of the kid who has gone around saying "Well MY coat cost £130" and has a total lack of self awareness of how thats somewhat crass and isn't necessarily nice if accompanied by the attitide.

I don't understand your thought process at all.
Firstly the OP's child will not know how much the coat cost or care. Secondly a seven year old has little concept of price. Thirdly seven year olds do not go around saying how much their clothes cost.
And finally don't you think that the OP's child will not only have this very nice coat but will have very nice shoes, schoolbag, pencil case etc. and he will NOT be the only kid in the class with these things.

Its likely the OP has a nice car, house and looks well herself too. Her child will not see anything unusual about their possessions as the child won't know any different and will not be boasting about the cost of everything.

OP this isn't about your son's clothes. Request a meeting with his teacher to discuss what is really going on and to make her aware that your son is being picked on.

Probably stems from jealousy. Even at half price, that is still a lot to pay for a school coat, if it is particularly desirable then the kids who want it but know they cant have it are devaluing it in an attempt to pretend they dont want it anyway as "its shit".

Kids are arseholes like that.

Definitely talk to school about it but I would also get a cheap Primark coat for in the meantime so he is happier going to school.

Re. The expensive clothes for kids debate.

I buy all clothes in sales of more expensive shops. This makes them comparable to full price primark, maybe slightly more.

The difference being that they last to be passed down and have resale value, so overall it costs me less and sometimes I actually make back more money than I paid!

People need to be less judgey.

The issue here is he can’t whip the thing on and off like his friends can and it’s more of a sports anorak than a school coat.

You don’t need to justify what you spent, it’s your money! A lot of unnecessary judgmental comments about the cost of the coat. I can’t see anything wrong at all with it.

They're kids

Let them win First the sake of your DS and his MH

If you force him to wear that coat against his will you are far worse than those school kids

My DD has stopped wearing clothes, shoes bags etc because other DC have commented or she's realised they're just not that cool

With girls this happens all the time

With boys not so much so it is unusual they're commenting on his coat but once your DC doesn't want to wear it then you have to accept and allow for him to fit in

All younger DC want to fit in with their peers and forcing them not to is really bad (bullying I'm afraid to say on your part)

There was a 13 year old girl a couple of years ago whose step dad used to force her to go into school in horrible ill fitting tracksuit bottoms, instead of her normal school uniform. He also made her clean till 2am but that whole other world of shit.

Anyway the shame got to her so much she went to the local park and committed suicide in the bushes.

There used to be a lot of embarrassment involved as a child trying to be liked and to fit in

There is a lot of embarrassment involved as a child trying to be liked and to fit in

Is what I mean

I'm tired it's late

The children are jealous.
Anyonw who is different is noticed and if the child is new he is seen as not one of theirs and bullying could happen.

Particularly if your child is super clever or fast or in anyway has superior skills it always pays for you to make sure he looks and acts normal/regular/non special.

Dress in exact uniform, be on time, hand homework in and play kind. When the kids know each other very well and are friends they don't mind about differences as much.

Your child should wear the most common looking coat and act like nothing upsets him. There will be another new kid to bully next year. Enjoy the coat on the weekends.

However, I find the attitude that it is ok to buy expensive (and therefore hopefully good quality) items of clothing for adults, but to just give our children far inferior clothing, very sad.

Oh come the fuck on, that pricing is because its a trendy brand!! You can get a good quality, warm zip up coat for a child for £50 easily.

The other children aren't jealous. There's a child in dc class with a very expensive black puffer (i know the brand) and the other kids don't notice because its still just a zip up coat similar to what the others have.

Its the overhead style. Op you've clearly deliberately bought your son an unusual, different coat, of a style his school mates arent old enough to value fashion wise. Whether consciously or not you've sought to make him stand out from his peers- its worked.

Willing to bet the commemts aren't even intentionally nasty more "sam why does your coat go over your head is it a jumper". 7year olds can be very honest/unfiltered and its why school uniform is helpful in removing distraction over clothing which at that age reflects only the parents "individuality" , budget and fashion sense.

I agree with this. Of all the things teased about this is a normal run of the mill coat

Its not run of the mill. Its a deliberately styled top you have to pull on over your head. Its a fashion brand more typically chosen by teens. Its a bit like choosing a trench coat or something for a 7 year old - its a stylish choice for an adult but other 7 year olds won't appreciate it.

The vast majority of 7 year olds will have a standard anorak with a straight up zip or poppers from the base of the hem , the type that is very generic & sold in next/mountain warehouse etc.

Send him in the other coat, it’s not about whether the bullies have felt like they’ve won, it’s about DS and his mental health. Save his posh coat for football where it’s appreciated.

It's because it's not a conventional coat that you zip all the way down. They'll find anything these bullies. It's sad isn't it. All the little innocent darlings go to school and start finding fault with each other.

It's not it's an expensive over the head thing

So much victim blaming on this thread, no wonder some kids are bullies.

Looks like a normal coat. I wouldn't spend £150 on it though. Asda sell similar looking ones for much less!!

This happened to my 5 yr old daughter at rainbows. I was absolutely heartbroken but hid that.

It was because she wore her school shoes to rainbows. She likes her shiny school shoes and they’re comfy.

I said “what did you say” she said she asked them to stop etc. They didn’t. I said what do you want us to do? She didn’t know. I said well we can practice what to say if they say it again, we can tell the leaders or we can make sure you don’t wear your school shoes? She chose not to wear her school shoes. I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing or not but the way I see it she’s being bullied through no fault of her own, it’s not my job to make her feel worse because of some moral position I have on standing up to bullies.

And so many references to Y3s as bullies. So many of them just don't think before they speak. We don't know exactly what's been said or how often. A single comment is not bullying. Of course the OP's son should be able to wear what he wants but the 'bullies' are also small children, some of whom might emotionally/intellectually be more like 4 or 5 year olds anyway (given the typical range of development in a Y3 class).

My 8yo son goes to a non-uniform school, which is amazing in many other ways, but there’s all sorts of nonsense around this.

There’s a group of kids who “police” other kids’ clothing choices (highly correlated with the ones who also bully). Only the plainest black and white Nike will do. My sons red, black and white Jordan’s? Oh no. Don’t get me started on their reaction to the grey and yellow Adidas trainers he recently chose.

It’s so sad it’s like this, but my husband and I have workshopped what he can say, and I regularly remind my son that not everyone likes everything. Some people don’t like chocolate. This really helps him remember that it’s about them, not him. And I talk to him about concentrating on the ones who make him feel good inside, which helps him recognise that these kids are a vocal minority and his true friends are not involved.