To ask you to ‘Destroy without reading’? (Bereavement related)

[Izzy24]

Would you?

So if you were coping with clearing personal belongings and you came across a package marked as above, would you respect that person’s privacy and dispose of it without reading? Even if it was unsealed?

I would read it. I can keep a secret and if it was something that needed destroying I would. It might be something really interesting that they didn't want to burden you with, like war time experiences, or interesting family 'secrets' that would be no big deal now.

Yes I’m sorry to say I would probably look inside, although depending on what it was I might not read further (if it was personal letters etc).

I'd have a look and see what it is. If diaries I would probably keep them but not read them. If documents or something that might involve me I would read them. If it's porn roll eyes and throw away.

I'd look. And I wouldn't destroy if they might be interesting historically in later generations (diaries, paperwork).
If they wanted them destroyed they should have done it themselves.

Depends. Having been lumbered with clearing a relatives house after her death when the house was filthy and full of hoarded paper that I felt honour bound to go through I would have loved something like this to perk up a relentlessly awful task. It seems like the ultimate passive aggressive act to leave something like that. Why not just throw it away when you were alive?

My mum kept her love letters to/from my late dad from before they were married in the early 1950s. She and I were very close but she was adamant she didn't want any of us to read them, not even me. There was a discussion after she died and one of my brothers wanted to read them. I still don't know if he did but they went in her coffin.

Brilliant if, like a post above yours suggested, it was porn.

I think that's lovely. She has them with her now forever. ❤️

I'd look.

Because you wanted to read it while you were alive.

I would have a look and depending on what it was, would depend on how much I read. Diaries, I would probably burn.

Documents or photos, I would probably take a deeper look.

I have a cautionary tale for everyone here.

When clearing out my Mum's stuff after she died, me and my brother found a wooden box in the top of her wardrobe with a lock on it. Couldn't find the key so we just put it aside in case we couldn't find anything important that might be in there.

My brother took it home with him and after a couple of months curiosity got the better of him, so he broke the lock open. Inside, lots of keepsakes, postcards, letter from old boyfriends etc, and then an envelope full of Polaroids of my Mum and an old boyfriend in a variety of "compromising" positions.

Never have I been so glad that he got the nosy fucker gene and I didn't!

Yeah I'd read them. I'm great at keeping secrets and also: they're dead. If they'd wanted all trace of it gone they should have destroyed it themselves.

If it was something that affected my family, children or me I'd want to know.

I'd read it. Makes no difference to them, they're dead.

I think it depends on how close I was to and how much I trusted the deceased.

I have boxes of diaries from 30 years ago and would want them destroyed, because they're a different me, irrelevant, and not necessarily what I want to be remembered by. I'd hope my partner would trust me and respect that.

However, if it were a parent I have an ambivalent relationship to or who lied to me, I might feel the need to know if they'd held anything else back.

I'd need be prepared for the potential distress, though.

Morally, of course it's probably best not to look, unless painful and thankfully quite unusual circumstances apply, e.g if the deceased had a mental illness meaning they might not have wanted the items destroyed when they were feeling well and thinking clearly, or even if the deceased were a narcissist and could have left this as a way to continue manipulation.

I’d look.

In fact my mum has written me a letter to be ‘read only after her death’ which I’ve already read.

It says, at length, that she doesn’t like my husband.

I don’t give a fuck, and guess what mum, I already know that.

When she actually dies I’m going to either burn it immediately or bury it with her. If I outlive her of course…

Edited to say neither of my siblings has been left a similar cunty letter. Just me!

100% I would look!

I would look but he ready for it to taint my video of the deceased person.

But the person might still enjoy reading whatever they are themselves and not want to destroy them while they are alive.

I would have to look unfortunately

I'm a nosy mare and would absolutely read it.

This is exactly my take on it. Why not just destroy it yourself if you don't want it seen?

I wouldn't read it. I would perhaps have a professional (no idea who) of some kind look through it just to be sure it didn't contain anything that needs to be actioned.

Not gonna lie, I’d look.