To ask you to ‘Destroy without reading’? (Bereavement related)

[Izzy24]

Would you?

So if you were coping with clearing personal belongings and you came across a package marked as above, would you respect that person’s privacy and dispose of it without reading? Even if it was unsealed?

Something similar happened to us, a box of my Gramandmother's old love letters was kept underneath her bed, with strict instructions to never read them. When Granny passed away my Mother was in charge of disposing of them, I cannot imagine for one minute that she did not read them.
Nothing was ever mentioned about them again and my Mother has also now passed.
I would 100% destroy the envelope.
It's the very last thing you can do for the person who requested it.

No, I would probably read it.

My grandma destroyed most of her personal writings before she died but she left some of her diaries, written whilst my grandad was dying. I think they were missed as not much was in there but I found them and was really upset to read them having not realised what was there. It was really hard and I've had to hide them as I can't bear to destroy this connection but they caused me so much pain and sadness. I think destroy what you can while you can, I will get rid of these diaries when I get rid of my own things once it's less raw.

Or someone neutral. But yes, I'd want someone to check the contents in case it's important.

Yes I hope I would but haven't experienced it so part of me thinks hmm should I but if a truly loved one I would want to respect their wishes

My mum is becoming more transparent as she ages, her polite performative mask slips more and more.
I would consider papers showing her in an unpleasant light a liberation from dutiful mourning.
My dad died recently, my mum managed to make it all about her, his paperwork, pictures of his parents, were out the house within weeks

Loving the Plath & Hughes chat @Mirabai and @NonPlayerCharacter that's old school Mumsnet. Come for the potty training and stay for the literacy criticism.
I bloody love this place and you lot of Harpies on this thread.

I'd read it.

It would have taken the author less time to throw it away than to mark ot do not read.

I'd consider that they wanted it read but not the guilt to telling the secret so they can still present themselves as a secret keeper and protecting their good name.

Telling someone to destroy that after their death is in essence telling you to read it. If they thought it should be gotten rid of, they should’ve done it themselves.

Good point.

I have hundreds of letters from someone I'm very close too, I would never want the contents read by my children so upon my death if the person is still alive they will destroy them, if they die first I will upon their death. I keep them because I find great comfort in them. so basically yes I would absolutely respect their wishes and destroy them unread.

Not sure if I'd read it because I'd not really want to deal with any potential cans of worms - let sleeping dogs lie and all that - but wouldn't destroy them. Probably save for future generations and historical records or even send to somewhere like the Great Diary Project for it to be saved.

I'd look. Like others have said if they really, really didn't want anyone else to look they'd have destroyed it themselves.
Maybe it's a log of where they've hid all the bodies

I would look and be damned to hell!

I'm sorry but it is just they way I am... and If it was something upsetting then I'd say to myself, "that'll teach ya for not paying attention.'

My honest answer is I’d read it in case it could solve a crime or something, once you’re dead you won’t care anyway.

I was asked by my Mum and Aunt to read my late Uncle’s diaries from when he was a student in the 60s. They had kept them ( he died in 1971) but never read them. As I never knew him I found them fascinating ( he led a pretty wild hipster life). I did tell my family some bits but mostly I feel honoured to keep his memory alive and will pass them on to my kids.

My lovely father died last year unexpectedly at 86

He'd kept a daily diary since he was 10 but had been very explicit that his children (db and me) were not read them and that they were being left to the grandchildren ds is 23 and db's kids are 13)

There are crates and crates of them at his place.

I'll admit to having read a wee bit of the last few days of his diary to try to get some clues as to why he died as it turned out he had a few more health problems that he'd been admitting to (his death came as a real shock , even though he'd been suffering a UTI: the way I describe him is that he was still tall and we thought he'd be around for at least another 5 years if not more )

So sorry to hear that. My dad is 86 too and dying of HF and dementia. I think it’s easier to know as you have time to prepare. I would have been heartbroken if he’d seemed fine and suddenly was gone.

Mine doesn’t have any diaries though. Just boxes of school and university essays.

I helped clear a friend's parent's house - there was an envelope that said 'Private. Do not open'. They asked me to open it - there was a photo of a young couple and some folded newspaper...I unfolded the newspaper and in it was a used condom that more or less fell to bits when I 'released' it. It was quite sweet, really as well as extremely disgusting. Never found out who the lady was but we guessed it was a memento of his virginity.

I'm the nosiest cow alive - an instruction not to open is a red rag to a bull. I have some private stuff like diaries and photos and have but a post it inside the box folder saying what is in there and to open at your own risk but I do burn stuff every so often and hope I get rid of everything before I peg it but I could obviously be caught short. I am quite sure anyone clearing out my stuff would look but I'm dead, what am I gonna do? Can't blush in a grave.

I think I would need to know what was inside

My DM has asked me to destroy diaries and letters between her and my dad when he was stationed in other countries when she dies. I will absolutely not be looking. They are memories she may want to look back on until her death but their not my business.

I would read 🫣

My mum had dementia. I wouldn’t destroy it until I was sure she hadn’t put anything important in it. It took me years to sort out my mum’s things because she had put things into such odd places.

I would have no hesitation in opening it.

It may well just be love letters (and I suppose it might be letters from someone other than the deceased's spouse) or risqué photos of consenting adults but if I didn't open it I wouldn't ever know if it weren't a salving of conscience confession.

If it were the latter and the information affects others they have a right to know the contents.

I am another vote for not watching those DVDs. I quite like thwarting toxic people's efforts to upset me. Straight into a public bin with them. Your instincts are telling you it wont be kindly meant messages.