Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

Playground bullies comes to mind reading this thread - some really nasty comments. Ignore them OP.

I can understand your disappointment because the two destinations seem strange places to go on what appears to be a very short cruise. Also the weather is unpredictable and worst case scenario, the sun may not appear at all. You clearly love the beach, hot weather, sporty beach activities, flying to your destination etc so his choice is certainly an odd one.

However, I can sort of see his thinking. You’ve perhaps mentioned Amsterdam for example as being somewhere you’d like to go at some point and he’s latched on to this and tried to make it a bit more exciting by incorporating it into a cruise.

Only you know if talking to him is the right thing to do. Would he be terribly hurt by your disappointment? What sort of deposit has he made etc ….

If you do talk to him I’m sure you will find a way to do it kindly. Good luck!

I understand your upset I really do, but I think this is one you either bite the bullet and address with him, or just go on the cruise and hope it exceeds your expectations. My 30th was definitely a milestone birthday, my OH planned a 5 day trip to NYC for us, which is one of my bucket list trips! So I get why you would be disappointed.

People are mostly not piling on though, simply all concluding that her expectations are unrealistic. She's expecting a surprise but also expecting it to be exactly as she would plan it, which is perhaps a tad unrealistic in itself. She's also concluding that it's normal to have such a big celebration - of course it's normal for many to celebrate a 30th birthday but I'm not sure how many get given a fairly expensive holiday! OP perhaps does need to realise that she is probably in a privileged position compared to many folk, and just learn to be a little bit more grateful.

I would hate a cruise , too regimented, not enough time in one place, not enough freedom to do what we want to do when we want to do it. DH knows this so wouldn't book it . I'm also very particular about holidays so I book them and don't expect him to read my mind.

I don't think he's missed the mark, you'd talked about going to one of these cities and you've talked about wanting to go on a cruise, as far as he's concerned this trip is at least two big ticks! He probably also thinks because it's a cruise not a usual holiday that makes it special for your 30th. Go enjoy it do something you want to do for the next holiday.

you sound like a right ungrateful cow! Sorry

Where are the playground bullies?

YABU.
You're not grateful, at all.
Herein lies a lesson about men....if you want something specific, be specific.
The poor guy has listened, as one of the places is on your list, cruises don't come cheap, he's obviously put thought into it.
I think it's you who has missed the mark when it comes to manners.
Petulant much?

How do you know she got it right for him? She says so, but we haven’t heard his side. Maybe he would have preferred a cruise over a water park.

Maybe she booked something she loved for him, and now he’s booked something he’ll love for her.

Fuck me, first world problem!

Get a grip.

Let me get this straight. You went on a fabulous beach holiday- just the kind you love- last year. The next holiday you get to go to a place on your chosen list…also a brand new city to explore that you know little about…also a fabulous cruise.
You have a DH… what’s more a kind considerate one that actually spends time planning a thoughtful milestone birthday experience involving an expensive Luxurious trip.

You say you nc as you feel ashamed. Well I’m feeling disgusted with your post. Some people don’t know they’re born do they. Iv not had a holiday in YEARS as I can’t afford. It’s my milestone birthday this year- there’s no DH to treat me to a thoughtful trip. I would love to but I can’t afford to go on a cruise or beach holiday- I work extremely hard but as a single parent I could not afford the luxuries you are in a position to enjoy. With your lovely husband.

You are ungrateful & unappreciative. Iv honestly not come on here to have a go as I appreciate you can see you are being unreasonable I just think you really need to practice some gratitude and wake up to the fact you are in an incredible privileged position and are speaking like a spoilt brat.

I think tge update about being neurodiverse is very important - to everyone ripping into the OP.

At first I thought the same as everyone else, that she is being very ungrateful.

But if you're neurodiverse and plans get changed, or are very different to how you anticipated them to be it can be really upsetting and difficult to deal with.

So actually my advice is give yourself some time. Look up things about your new destinations. Try to make the most of it, and don't say anything to your partner.

I don't think you can expect like for like, that's just not how life work for most of us. Yes its ok to be disappointed but I'd put a brave face on and enjoy it. Surely its about who you are with not what you are doing? He's going to be very hurt if you try to change this

It's not a "pile on" if someone posts something, and others disagree with their attitude or expectations. It's ok to disagree with people as long as you're not offensive or personal.
OP, I think it's strange that you're only visiting two places on the cruise, so maybe there's more to the cruise - May another surprise?
Perhaps in future just book two weeks in Lanzarote or similar, then you won't be disappointed.

Team DH here. I think he’s gone to a huge amount of effort and put lots of thought into it, you sound like a princess. I don’t think he can do right for doing wrong, poor bastard.

I bet you wanted the Caribbean or Far East didn’t you?

This.

Know what I got for my last milestone birthday? Covid restrictions 🙄

“Big birthday” “important” - my word…how ungrateful and self obsessed.

I agree with the rest of the posters. 30 isn't a 'big' birthday. It literally never had been. 18, 21 and then probably 50?! Not 30. That's just a random birthday. In fact its a bit of a crap one where you're no longer in your 20s. Think I just went for a meal or something. I don't know anyone or have ever heard of anyone ever calling 30 a 'big' birthday. Never ever... Not even on the Internet until you wrote that. You should spoilt. If someone booked me a cruise for my birthday, regardless of where its going, I would honestly be so grateful I wouldn't even know what to say. I think MOST people would be the same.

I must have missed the ND update, however the OP did agree to a surprise and it was a bit naive to expect DH to read her mind surely?
Also, nothing has been changed.

I agree. It sounds like last year OP booked their usual type of holiday - the type she enjoys - for her partner’s milestone birthday, adding a water park in as he likes those. My DH likes water parks, but he wouldn’t want a holiday based on going to one. He probably wants to try something different for a change. He has booked a cruise which includes a place you’ve mentioned wanting to visit, so thought has gone into it.

Don’t use neurodiversity as a weapon.

It does sound a bit shit. If he's only just booked it see if there is a cooling off period within which you can cancel and get a refund.

Also.... you do not buy someone a present for the reason that you want them to 'pay you back' with the present they then get you.
And... Amsterdam overnight will be AWESOME for your birthday. I did that for my 21st (a real life big birthday)

Completely high maintenance and grabby.

If you want 30 to be a special birthday, your choice, go for it.
Bruges is a lovely city, you can actually do a river cruise and there are so many interesting things to see. There are lovely restaurants and you could have a leisurely lunch then a walk around the city. You can have lots of beach holidays in hot locations, so maybe this would be a bit of a change?

I really hate it when posters expect you to be grateful because they have useless partners wo can't be bothered to to get them a card. It isn't a race to the bottom. 30 is a milestone birthday and since it's not the type of holiday you are into I can see why you would be upset. If you do city breaks fairly often then it wouldn't seem very special. Going forward if you guys fo holidays as a part of a birthday present make it abundantly clear what you want.

It's up to you as to what you would do but I'd ask him to change it. If you can't afford to lose the deposit and don't want to hurt his feelings then fair enough, do some research on the city you don't know very well and look for things to do. Go in with a positive attitude of making the best of it. I'd ask him to change it but I'd rather lose a deposit that feel gutted and go somewhere I'm just not interested in.