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Original poster

Disappointed with birthday trip

1000 replies

Holidaybluees · 13/01/2024 02:21

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

OP posts:
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9
kisstheblarney · 13/01/2024 07:18

OhwhyOY · 13/01/2024 07:16

I was feeling maybe you were being a bit over the top but when you said it's to Amsterdam and Bruges- I would hate that. It sounds awful. I'd speak to him about it and just say the heat thing, could it be switched to a Mediterranean cruise so at least its warm? Then you could be by the pool on the ship. I don't think you were clear enough at all in hindsight.

But OP wants to go to Amsterdam!

dawngreen · 13/01/2024 07:19

Just try it you may like it.

ExtraOnions · 13/01/2024 07:20

If you are going to Bruges you will dock in Zebrugger, where there is a beach and a little seaside town… we were there this summer.

I love cruising. From your itinerary it looks like a 4 day break, prob from Southampton… it’s a nice taster to see if you like cruising.

lavenderphase · 13/01/2024 07:23

I don't know why people are banging on about the 30th thing. It might not be a thing in your circles but it is a big birthday and it's ok for people to celebrate differently.

As for the 'starving children' or 'some don't even get a card' brigade. It's so tired and tedious.

kiwiaddict · 13/01/2024 07:24

"He’s let me guess a couple of times before the surprise was revealed and I’ve guessed beachy places and asked if there was a beach. I also asked if I could have a window seat on the plane. Surely this was enough for him to realise what I wanted?"

Nah, it just let him know what you were expecting, and he was probably getting really excited knowing his great surprise was completely unexpected.

A really decent surprise is well out of your expectation box

falalalalalalalallama · 13/01/2024 07:24

JFC. Suck it up. From where I'm standing you sound like a spoiled brat.

I'll have it if you don't want it, and I'd appreciate every second, even though it's not necessarily what I'd pick either.

My DP sustained an injury when DS was a toddler that's impacted his ability to do the job he's qualified to do. He's retrained but earns peanuts.

As a consequence, we are reliant on my wage and we struggle financially.

I haven't been able to afford a foreign holiday for over 15 years. The DC have only left the country once. It's not the life I imagined for them and I try not to feel guilty about it, but I do.

Give your head a wobble and be grateful you have so many holidays you can get pissy about getting the wrong one. It's a huge luxury not a right. Enjoy it while you can, you never know when you may lose it.

Go with an open mind and, if you can drop the princess act and try to appreciate the experience, you never know, you may even be pleasantly surprised by it.

Sweden99 · 13/01/2024 07:26

This does seem a pile on onto the OP.
She can be disappointed he did not get it right and also concerned that he does not seem to know her as well as she thought.
I struggle be believe that everyone having a go at her would behave differently IRL

Sayingitstraight · 13/01/2024 07:26

Think your getting a rough time here OP in true MN fashion. FWIW, I recently had my 40th and told DH exactly where I wanted to go, if he had booked somewhere else I would have been very disappointed. I would have a chat with him and see if you can rebook somewhere else. Bruges is lovely, Amsterdam not to much, a cruise is not my idea of fun. Its your birthday, your allowed to do what you want. Ask him why he thought you would like it?

whosaidtha · 13/01/2024 07:27

Surely it being a cruise, something new, to cities you want to see makes it more special. And I honestly don't understand why you can visit these cities any time but can't do a beach holiday anytime. I can't really think of a beach destination that takes loads more planning.
And saying you want a flight does not in anyway imply beach. Why would it??

Willmafrockfit · 13/01/2024 07:27

suck it up
you could have organised it yourself.

WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive · 13/01/2024 07:29

I feel a little sad for your DP. He has taken many hints and tried to put something special together. In all likelihood he probably tried to do something different so he didn't 'copy' your birthday present to him and show he put thought in to it.

You sound quite ungrateful and a little entitled if I'm being honest. Your posts made me think of 'Veruca Salt' from Charley and the chocolate factory!

Your DP has arranged a surprise for you, it's supposed to be something for you both to enjoy, not exactly what you want, if you wanted that you should have been straight up with him.

Id suck it up because if my DP was that ungrateful when I'd tried to do something nice I honestly wouldn't bother next time and would probably just book a night a way in a hotel and dinner to save myself some time and money.

Ginandjuice57884 · 13/01/2024 07:31

You agreed to being surprised and you are surprised. Job done 😂

But yeah I would suck it up. I think you could enjoy it, and if you really want a specific kind of holiday, I think you need to express that rather than going on "Surprise me except don't actually surprise me."

Sallyingon · 13/01/2024 07:31

It probably will be really lovely. It's nice to do different things. However if you've got clear ideas of what you want to do just organize it yourself in future. He might have been disappointed in your surprise and just better at hiding it than you. Maybe, really, you have each organized the holidays you would have preferred to have had.

Thriving30 · 13/01/2024 07:32

I'd be over the moon if my partner did something like this for me. Ask him for ideas on what to do at each location - he probably has a few ideas already and it might help you look forward to the trip. Please don't try and ask for a refund or tell him you don't like his gift because honestly if he spent a lot of time and effort on it he will be devastated.

Dearover · 13/01/2024 07:32

Which cruise line and ship is booked? A cruise holiday is very different to catching a Brittany Ferry. There will be a spa, pools, gym, high end restaurants etc.

WildFlowerBees · 13/01/2024 07:32

Can you book something later in the year that's your beach holiday and go a little more lux? You can celebrate all year if you want to and a cruise is just the beginning. Don't see it as your birthday cruise more a getaway and a holiday you've chosen as your 30th gift to yourself. Honestly 30 isn't a huge deal wait until you turn 40 😬

lavenderphase · 13/01/2024 07:33

Sayingitstraight · 13/01/2024 07:26

Think your getting a rough time here OP in true MN fashion. FWIW, I recently had my 40th and told DH exactly where I wanted to go, if he had booked somewhere else I would have been very disappointed. I would have a chat with him and see if you can rebook somewhere else. Bruges is lovely, Amsterdam not to much, a cruise is not my idea of fun. Its your birthday, your allowed to do what you want. Ask him why he thought you would like it?

But if you've told him where you want to go then why not just book it together? It's a performance of a surprise when actually it's just him filling in some forms.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/01/2024 07:33

As others have said be grateful he has tried to do something and no kids to make it special

Not sure how let's go later in year means beach holiday

Tho equally I don't do boats and feel sick so if dh booked a cruise for me I would have to say something

But he knows I love sunshine and hates boats so couldn't imagine he would book a cruise

But if he did book something as a birthday surprise it would be amazing

Rubyupbeat · 13/01/2024 07:35

Just one word, UNGRATEFUL!

JT69 · 13/01/2024 07:35

If you open your mind up to this trip , you might find you have a fabulous time. Lots of us on here would love to have such a trip all booked for us. ( 2 weeks before a bigger milestone my DH wanted to separate after 21 years of marriage so you know - I’d take the cruise)

NotToYou · 13/01/2024 07:35

I'd be disappointed in this too OP. I would have zero interest in this type of holiday and if DP didn't know me well enough to know that then I'd be upset.

30 is definitely a milestone birthday in my group of friends.

I think you'd be better off being honest about how you're feeling, have a proper chat about it.

sanityisamyth · 13/01/2024 07:35

You did a beach and water sports holiday last year! Maybe he thought something different would be fun? I don't think I've read something written by someone so ungrateful before.

Goneforaride · 13/01/2024 07:36

I can't tell you how grateful I would be if my DH made this type of effort for me on my big birthday ( ... for reference, I had one this week and he didn't even say "Happy Birthday", let alone book for us to go on a cruise... !!)

Suck it up, enjoy and be grateful.

TTCSoManyQuestions88 · 13/01/2024 07:37

If he knows you like beach and sunshine, I'm confused why you keep saying he's put a lot of thought into it, Amsterdam and Belgium on a cruise is the opposite of that.

Very bad idea to let someone surprise with something so big. Personally I'd hate a cruise that takes me to Amsterdam and Belgium, I'd at least want a Mediterranean cruise. There will be very little lounge by the pool in that area of Europe, it won't be hot enough. It's unlikely he can re-book it unfortunately. And of course 30 is a milestone birthday, people here can be so miserable.

letstrythatagain · 13/01/2024 07:37

Goneforaride · 13/01/2024 07:36

I can't tell you how grateful I would be if my DH made this type of effort for me on my big birthday ( ... for reference, I had one this week and he didn't even say "Happy Birthday", let alone book for us to go on a cruise... !!)

Suck it up, enjoy and be grateful.

This is really sad though 😮. Does that not bother you?

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