Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

Omg! No words…… I think this has to be the most first world problem I’ve ever read on mumsnet.

It sounds like he knows you very well, as he’s booked a type of holiday you want to do to a place you want to go. I think if you had such specific ideas for this specific holiday, you should have said so up front or booked it yourself. he’s not a mind reader.

Also bear in mind that your husband might have had lots of boxes you didn’t tick - you think you got it exactly right because he threw himself into it and was grateful.

Which cruise line? Cruises in summer have shot up in price, particularly fly cruises so if you have discussed cruising he’s probably managed to find something within budget from Southampton. (I’m making some assumptions! Sorry if I’m wrong!)

You are coming across badly on here OP but if you have been clear you would like a beach holiday then yes, he has missed the mark so I would just have an open conversation about it.

I’m sure you will enjoy the cruise but it’s not a beach holiday (unless you go to the Caribbean) and the pool scene is not the same as a ‘normal’ holiday.

I’m sure he will have picked up on the fact you’re upset. Usually the deposit can be transferred, could he transfer it to a summer cruise next year?

This!

Maybe he thought that as you usually go for beach holidays, this would be something special and different.

You sound like a petulant child. He's effort in. You'll probably enjoy it.

Could you save for a beach holiday later in the year too? Cruises can be a lot of fun - go in with an open mind, I’m sure it’ll be better than you’re anticipating.

There's a lesson here about people who don't like surprises still wanting them.

There's a small part of me that would like my partner to be the sort of person who could buy the perfect gift, plan my ideal holiday or day out but he just isn't. He is amazing and thoughtful and tries so hard but it's not his skill.

So I don't let him and don't put that pressure on him. I'm fussy so we plan together, I make a gift list,

There's something quite childish and immature about dropping hints and playing the charade of a surprise when actually you don't want a surprise you want him to guess exactly what you want to do. It feels like a test not a surprise.

For me it's similar to the surprise engagements that don't go as expected or they don't like the ring. Don't set someone up to fail by expecting them to magically get it right.
Plan your own holiday and choose your own ring or be willing and happy to accept whatever they choose.

i wonder if he was consciously trying to make this trip different to the one you planned so it looked like he'd been thoughtful and creative rather than copying you?

@Holidaybluees you have a choice to either suck it up or tell him you'd love a different kind of holiday but if you do that is has to come with an acceptance that you won't put him in this position again and that you are partly responsible.

Do you know it’s that for sure?

Could he gave a surprise up his sleeve ?

Sorry OP you are being totally unreasonable. 30 is not that big a deal in the great scheme of things . DH has tried to do something memorable and romantic.
If you make a fuss about this ,DH will never do another surprise for you. If you want total control , tell him but he will be crushed.
I would smile and give it a go . You can do a beach next holiday.

why should the OP suck it up and be grateful…
it is important to her, she did the same for him

if he loves you, chat to him and he will understand, yes he may be upset but this is important to you

we should not have to accept less than what we give (and I don’t mean monetary) p

You wanted a surprise and you got one! Honestly Bruges is absolutely beautiful, you're in for a real treat.
Why not try and shrug off your previous expectations and be delighted that your husband has done something a bit different. You never know you might really enjoy it and FWIW I don't think 30 is a milestone. I think I went for a meal 🙄.

It's ok to feel disappointed but dust yourself off & think positive! If you'd wanted something specific you really should have told him explicitly what you want. Honestly for my 30th it was a few drinks & a dance, don't build yourself up for these things. Just enjoy it for what it is!

I think it was risky letting him choose the holiday. Everyone approaches presents differently l, you think you’ve dropped all the obvious hints in the world but still get blindsided yet they can always justify why. If it’s just about a holiday for you then have a word, but if it’s about a gift from your DP that he’s thought about, appreciate it and give it a go, you can do a beach holiday anytime.

Is the cruise going to be your only holiday this year? If so, I'd probably say something. If you'll get to do your preferred type of holiday as well, then I'd not say anything.

Also I think you're getting a hard time because a lot of people on this site don't approve of/appreciate sun/beach/lounging/waterpark holidays. I think if you'd posted that you enjoy cultural city type trips and DH had booked beach and pool, you would have had more people agree that DH hasn't quite hit the spot!

OP if you’re not NT and can’t cope with surprises or things not being as imagined then why on EARTH did you agree to doing surprises? I’m not NT and hate surprises too so my partner would never do one.

I do understand what you’re feeling because of this, however you must see from these responses how ridiculous you’re being. He’s not booked something you’ve always said you’ve hated, he’s booked something you’ve discussed in the past to a place you’ve discussed in the past. If only the exact vision you had in your head would suffice, you should have told him that or booked it yourself!

You keep saying how perfectly you did it for his birthday- how do you know it’s what he wanted? Sure he enjoyed it, but maybe he was disappointed when you first gave him the gift and was just being kind or polite. Surprises are rarely 100% perfect by the very nature of not having been picked ourselves, but most people would be gracious and make the best of it.

On that note- a cruise in summer is basically a beach holiday with a different hat on. Lounge by the pool all day, with the odd bit of exploring.

Of course bring this all up with him if it’s bothering you that much, but there is no way to do it without sounding ridiculous and ungrateful- because that’s what you’re being.

By the way all the posters claiming a 30th isn’t a milestone birthday are being weird, or course it is.

Of course 30 is a milestone birthday! Wtf at those saying it's not. Generally acknowledged that 18, 21, 30, 40 and 50 and 60 are milestones as adults.

I understand where you are coming from and that it feels like he doesn't know you at all. I felt the same at a milestone birthday when my partner gave me a pair of expensive earrings except I never wear white gold and have said time and again how much I dislike diamonds and find them boring 😭

It's like it's a taboo subject to be grateful to have someone who loves you and has made an effort but missed the mark as you say.

We all want to be seen and known and I don't think that makes you spoilt at all!

I wouldn't say anything tbh, you'll still have a good time on this cruise, both of those cities are lovely - try doing some research or looking at excursions from the ship.

Confused? Going to talk to him so you can understand why he booked it?

It’s a birthday gift, it’s something you haven’t experienced before, I’m sure it will be fun. If you find cruising not your thing, I’m sure you will still manage to enjoy the few days away with your DH. It’s the person you’re with that makes a holiday, not the destination.

Not really. It more likely means a bit further away for some autumn/winter sun.

Sounds like a great opportunity to try something different OP. If you constantly stick to the same thing (as it sounds like you do) then perhaps he thought for your 30th you could have an adventure. Honestly try something new!

I was feeling maybe you were being a bit over the top but when you said it's to Amsterdam and Bruges- I would hate that. It sounds awful. I'd speak to him about it and just say the heat thing, could it be switched to a Mediterranean cruise so at least its warm? Then you could be by the pool on the ship. I don't think you were clear enough at all in hindsight.

Or you went on about it so much it was obvious it wouldn’t be a surprise if he booked it? So he didn’t. 🤷‍♀️

So he wasn't a mind reader and should have known you wanted a beach holiday. No wonder women are described as hard work! People like you.

Know him do you? Thought not.