Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

You said you've talked about cruises in the past, could you see this as trying it out? My dh regularly surprises me with how skewed his view of what I would like is. Just book what you really want next year.

Now you know, I'd not want a surprise holiday put on me anyway as I'm a control freak. I'd want to have booked the room, know exactly where everything is and options. My husband is happy to just turn up and do any driving. He can tell me where he wants to go but I need to check any hotels etc.
But i know he wouldn't do a surprise as he knows it would make me uncomfortable and I'd be anxious having to research and not having control over timings etc.

@Mumsanetta thank you, I definitely wouldn’t have been able to fake it for that long. I feel awful but I’m glad it’s out in the open and I’m glad it’s been received as well as it could be

Changing the subject slightly, but I sometimes wonder if the whole pressure to have great birthdays as adults these days is the source of a lot of agro? I got so upset last summer after my disastrous 40th birthday. I felt upset for about a month 🤭 It really was disastrous mind you!
But, I don't remember my grandparents generation ever even mentioning their birthdays? A fuss was never made, and I actually think they'd have been embarrassed by it. I like to do something nice on my birthday, and hate it if it goes wrong, but I sometimes wish the whole pressure was off. A bit like new years too...

@Mumsanetta

Clearly people are either just in dreadful relationships where they feel the need to be grateful no matter what their shit husbands do, or they just want to make op feel bad.

Speak for yourself. DH is lovely. Yet another backhanded insult towards people that some posters don't agree with.

Sorry don't feel the OP is as hard done by as she is making out. And what planet are wer on that a spouse that books a mini cruise for his wife is a "shit husband"? Not going over it again, but OP got what she asked for and he obviously did put some thought into it and is probably feeling deflated now

But if you tried it you may have loved it.

@Boomboom22 its definitely been a learning curve. I’m a bit of a control freak too so god knows what I was thinking when we agreed to surprise each other. Never again

What is wrong with you?
be grateful that you have someone who gives a shit and can afford to go on holiday .

@cancany174 id love to try it just not for a birthday. But if we’re not able to get the money back then we’ll go and I’m sure I’ll have a good time as I’ll be with him. I’d just like to see if my preferred option is possible first

😂😂

That's it, my dh is pretty chilled but I am not 😄. I have to know details like square m of the room.
Plus I find the researching and booking fun.

@Holidaybluees

I’d just like to see if my preferred option is possible first

This has got to be a windup. You’re having a laugh. If not you have the emotional awareness of a teaspoon

I hope he is able to change/cancel without too much cost.

It reminds me in October we were in Tenerife and I must have looked at a necklace in a window. I don't even remember looking at it but DH took a photo of it and was going to buy it for me without discussing for Christmas.Thankfully he decided it was too expensive and instead got me a similar much cheaper one instead. I can't even remember looking at the first one, but he was so chuffed with himself about spotting I was looking at it .

He did also get me the Dolce e Gabbana perfume that I had spotted in the perfume shop and helpfully linked a photo too, so his intentions are great, he just struggles with the execution.

I do all our holiday planning now. He just goes on a site and presses the button without seeing if he can get a betting deal elsewhere.

Wouldn't it have been easier to just speak to him about it first, rather than ask for advice on here?

And I agree with what some other posters have said - you don't come across as very mature.

There is a halfway between expecting the impossible (partner to read her mind) and expecting nothing.

I am starting to think this is a wind up

Tb strictly h, the last thing you wanted to do wasn't not to hurt him, but to not miss out on your preferred holiday. Your desire for a few days on a beach must have been worth upsetting him for!

Yes it’s got to be @Runoutofinkagain

There have been a couple of comments along the lines of "well I didn't get a card" but I am going to disregard those as I agree it is not a race to the bottom.

But there is no need to insult the relationships of the majority of posters that have disagreed with the OP.

Because the majority have said she should have either a) communicated what she wanted more clearly or booked her own trip or b) opened her mind and gone along with the surprise trip she asked for.

Why does that suggest to you that anybody thinking along these lines has a shit husband? Or did you just want to throw in mindless insults.

This has just reminded me that for my 30th my husband gave me a guide book for the Isles of Scilly and said we’d book it together. I might go and dig it out since I’m now in my 50s and we still haven’t gone.

I once told my ex husband to surprise me when discussing accommodation for a trip to Paris.

He did indeed surprise me.....with a nasty little 2* hotel in a dodgy area near the Bastille with stained sheets on the bed.

My now partner mentioned surprising me only once in the years we've been together....I think the look of horror on my face must have convinced him otherwise 🤣

He might love those sorts of holiday, but had you considered that he too might have wanted to do something different on a ‘milestone’ birthday and that therefore you missed the mark too? And perhaps he was just not so ungracious to say anything. For me, having the sort of holiday I usually have wouldn’t make it particularly special for a ‘milestone’. But, we are all different.

@cancany174

And that's not about learning to "suck it up". He put thought and time into it and you wouldn't try.

I agree with this.

A lot of us decrepid old women on here are in successful long term relationships and are capable of giving good advice. But you do you OP and carry on with your selective listening.

My niece is early 30s and she loves cruises . Started on European cities and now goes all over the world . They book one every year . You never know you might get the bug .

This is one of those threads, like so many on here, that make it clear that one person's "rightfully prioritising my own feelings" is another's "wrongfully trampling all over the feelings of a loved one".

No one in either camp will ever be won over to the other, so I wonder why we bother