Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

Well possibly Saved unless 33 and 7 months somehow becomes a milestone birthday then DH has an earlier opportinuy to redeem himself.

Only joking, this thread has been enlightening and in all seriousness I do undertsnd that situations like this are real for some people in life.

Take care OP, hope you enjoy your trip whever that may be and Happy Birthday

I can’t say I’m a fan of cruises myself, but if someone was kind and thoughtful enough to book one for me, I’d definitely make the most of it, even for a significant birthday. My partner and I always end up having fun no matter what we end up doing together because we enjoy each other’s company and manage to make light of any situation, even if not ideal. Life is too short for anything else. OP you’re lucky to have your OH, he’s not shit, from what you’ve told us he’s done his best, and that’s all you can ask in a partner. However, if you’re really not able to look past this then do him a favour and leave him now because things will not improve for you with your current attitude.

This might come in handy.

I'm afraid this post is the reason why you are not coming across well OP. You expect empathy from others - to the extent that you think your DH should have read your mind about exactly the holiday you want, and want people here to feel sorry for you about a slightly disappointing holiday. And yet you post this about women worse off who are given nothing.

You need to think this through further and - I mean it kindly - you need to grow up.

Clearly people are either just in dreadful relationships where they feel the need to be grateful no matter what their shit husbands do, or they just want to make op feel bad.

Fact is he has essentially booked a ferry in colder climate than we live in. Yes there are nice sandy beaches near brugges, but you can drive there in just over an hour from calais then on to Amsterdam and have loads of sormiding money.

Op specifically asked for warmth and a beach, saying book outside of school holidays. A cruise in the med is different. This doesn't tick any boxes at all. Plus you're stuck on the ship most of the time, no good if you find it makes you ill or is shit.

Can't you add a few days at a beach resort to the end of the cruise, flying straight out from Southampton (or wherever) airport after? So you speak in terms of prolonging the trip rather than changing it?

What an odd thing to say. Who died and made you the culture commissioner? I have zero interest in Bruges but I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as dim.

This isn't really a burning feminist issue of our times...

i hope you ha e a wonderful holiday, irrespective of what it is

Tbf a lot of posters have made very shitty comments and justified it because their relationship is shit and their husband doesn't know them / wouldn't even get them a card / forgot their birthday.

It's OK to be disappointed when all hints have been ignored, it seems he's saved a load of money too spending 1300 when the budget was 2000 with the excuse it was in the sale. Its not even a northern lights cruise!

Clearly people are either just in dreadful relationships where they feel the need to be grateful no matter what their shit husbands do, or they just want to make op feel bad.

@Boomboom22 i agree. It screams “my husband is shit so I would take any tiny bit of effort from him and bend over in gratitude”.

Ok i’ve spoken to him. I told him I was grateful and appreciated the effort he put in but the trip wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. He was understandably upset and said he was confused by my reaction. He picked it because I’d mentioned Amsterdam before and he wanted to do something different. I said it feels like it’d be quite rushed as we wouldn’t have long in either city and I’d prefer a long weekend in Amsterdam. Asked him if he wanted space and he said no. I made it clear hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do but I wanted to be honest. He’s going to see if he can get the money back and if so we’ll book a beach holiday. If not we’ve agreed to plan to do all the top things so we can experience the highlights of what each city has to offer. This is a happy compromise and whilst I appreciate I come across as a princess I’m glad I spoke up. We’ve also agreed to never do surprise trips again.

Well done, that seems very sensible and well handled.

Yikes. Bad move. Your poor husband.

Well you have what you want and your husband is really hurt. Don't be surprised jn ten years time if he's saying, oh you buy your own gift for Xmas, birthdays. I never get it right

And that's not about learning to "suck it up". He put thought and time into it and you wouldn't try.

If you don't want to go, I'll go with him and appreciate the effort he's gone to!!

There will probably be a thread in 10 years saying you're annoyed your husband doesn't do much for birthdays/Christmas and I would not blame him at all.

Some of the comments on here are awful.

The OP has already said she is embarrassed at feeling disappointed. We are all allowed to feel what we feel. To be honest even though I would like to visit both Amsterdam and Bruges I would be disappointed at a cruise to encompass both so it’s more a rushed visit than a nice leisurely time to explore. And a cruise from Portsmouth to Amsterdam in our climate is risky weatherwise. Even if the boat is amazing.

So I would be disappointed too. And I’m 60 this year so I hope I’m allowed to both comment and be disappointed.

And even back when I was 30 it was seen as a milestone birthday. Perhaps not as big as 21 or 50 but definitely a special birthday. It’s a bit of a giveaway in card shops really. Every year ages till 13 or so and then they tend to be 13, 16, 18, 21 and then 30, 40, 50 etc. Going into the next decade has always been a bit more special than say 29 or 31.

You’re coming across as very childish. Perhaps by what counts as your next milestone (33?), you may have gained in some maturity.

I appreciate this isn’t the trip the OP wanted but the responses referring to the ship as a ferry or something for the elderly are way off the mark. Or that you’d be better going by train. Go look up virgin cruises on YouTube and you’ll see there’s lots to do on the ship and it’s marketed to younger luxury market. A big part of the appeal is the experience on the cruise ship. Again obviously not for OP or everyone but it’s not like being stuck on a ferry.

Well done

And yes no more booking surprise holidays!

He could have said he fancied a cruise and virgin looked good and which itinerary suited? That would have been better. Sone planning /effort but not actually booking before checking it's okay.

Virgin doesn't do a drinks package -but soft drinks are free -so it's not really all inclusive-though I was fine with that (tips dnd WiFi also included)

Ah good. You’ve got what you want. As long as you’re happy.

Poor him - he must be feeling like shit

Suck it up. Quite ridiculous to feel teary.

The OP has already said she is embarrassed at feeling disappointed.

And that should be your internal signal to reassess how your instincts tell you to react.

@Holidaybluees that’s a good update, well done for taking the bull by the horns. You posted earlier that the resentment would eat you up if you had just sucked it up and pretended to be happy and I think you’re right. Resentment is a massive marriage killer and you’re setting the right tone for your relationship now - that you won’t just “suck it up” to avoid conflict but will approach these things with kindness and gratitude at the effort whilst making it clear that it’s not what you want - start as you mean to go on. And ignore all the doomsayers who have navigated their own marriages by sucking up years of resentment - I doubt your DH will refuse to choose your birthday presents going forward because it doesn’t like you married a petulant 13yr old boy.

What a bastard. He obviously doesn’t know you. You deserve so much better than this. Time to think about moving on in your life?