Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

I would say you are very fortunate to be in this position, life could be much worse. Many can’t put food on the table and you are concerned the break isn’t exactly what you are looking for.
that said, I’d hate to go away with my oh and for him to be miserable for this reason. It wouldnt be much fun. I’d cancel or tell him rather than have to be miserable all holiday or risk telling him it’s crap while your there

So did you tell him? Can he cancel?

You do know that often the over 60’s have more disposable income than 30 year olds and actually like their holidays with a little luxury to interesting destinations ??

Yes, it's ageist too.

Regardless of what the ACTUAL outcome is, I strongly suspect the MN version will be that this errant husband will absolutely recognise his utter selfishness, cancel his trip promptly and rebook his princess EXACTLY what she wants 😂

Just been on a run and reflecting on this thread.

I think the take home point for @Holidaybluees is she needs to recognise that she needs to be involved in holidays decision making - holidays cannot be a surprise for OP as if it's not to her liking she has a visceral response.

I think DH should be applauded for trying

I think DH should be applauded for trying

And the good news is he's got 10 years before OP's next 'Milestone' brithday to make sure he gets it right

1. 30 is a milestone birthday. I have always known it to be the one after your 21st and before your 40th. Everyone in my circle and growing up always did a big 30th celebration.

1. I think that in a healthy relationship it is perfectly reasonable to have a kind and gentle chat about why the trip isn't what you were expecting. You may be able to adjust things/add time on... Or, if it can't be changed, at least you have spoken up and he will know your preferences for next time.

I am a firm believer in not faking anything, it just sets you up for having to keep pretending for years to come.
This includes holidays and orgasms 😂

And finally, ignore the people giving you a hard time. MN has been brutal the last few months, I'm not sure why. I think COL is stressful for everyone and it's making a lot of people lash out.

My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday

That absolutely does not make it clear you wanted a beach holiday and neither do any of your other fairly useless hints. If you wanted a specific type of holiday so much that any other would be this catastrophic, you should have bloody well said so directly.

A lot of surprise presents are about choosing something novel or different, not just the same old, same old. It doesn't mean they don't know you well. Again if you weren't interested in anything surprising or different you should have just said what you did want.

I also don't think surprise holidays make for good gifts, too expensive for something that you ideally plan together so both of you get what you want. And DP knows this as I have actually told him. He also knows I don't like cruises (though nor do I like beach holidays).

But honestly if he got me something at this scale, even if it wasn't 100% what I'd have chosen, I'd still be pretty bloody pleased. We've got each other many gifts over the past decade and the nature of gifts is just that some are hits and some ae misses. The misses don't mean you love you partner any less.

I think you’ve really got to have an open mind and you might enjoy it.

Have a sunshine beach holiday later in the year if it’s important to you, and you can afford it, but it doesn’t have to be for your birthday.

I agree that 30 isn’t that much of a milestone - at that time it’s the life events that feel significant rather than a 0 on your age.

Ive done a similar cruise and it was brilliant- the only cruise I’ve done - they’re cool cities too - I’m assuming Bruges in Belgium which is beautiful!

.

this!

Life is too short.

Tell him how you feel and ask him if there is an option to change the trip - obviously there are diplomatic ways of doing this!!

Why should someone have to suck up a trip they don't want to go on, just so they don't cause offence?

Wondering how long you've been together @Holidaybluees and if you live together? Seems like it's a case of him knowing what you wanted but booking something completely different, which doesn't bode well.

To be fair to OP she does state in her first post that she is embarrassed of herself.

And so she should be.

For fuck sake, honestly. Stop bleating on about how you’re “grateful” because you simply aren’t.
You shouldn’t have given him “clues”. He needed a massive slap around the head with a frying pan and to be told via megaphone that you wanted a beach holiday in a sunny destination.

I really think you should give it a go. Virgin Voyages are meant to be spectacular. The food and entertainment will be 5 star and I honestly think you'll have a great time if you give it chance.

If you ask him to look in to cancelling it it could sour every future nice surprise he tries to organise for you.

If I had booked something this nice for my partner and they asked me to cancel it I would be absolutely gutted.

He has picked a modern, luxury cruise line, targeted to your age group. Amsterdam and Bruges are great places for a birthday trip and the you could have a really relaxing time on the days you're at sea because the ship will be incredible.

He hasn't just booked a cheap and cheerful pensioner cruise and put no thought in to it.

You are being utterly unreasonable. It may not be your ideal trip but your partner has clearly put thought in to it and you won't even give it a try. I don't think you should say anything unless you want to risk hurting them.

Also food on board by Michelin star chefs on Virgin Cruises.. This sounds amazing!

@Holidaybluees
Well done for sticking up for yourself. Both on here and with your DH.
Some of the comments on here are terrible.
You are entitled to feel how you feel!
Hopefully there will be a cooling off period. Whilst both cities are worthy of a visit I can see that it isn't the best on a possibly rainy day.
He's done some research and chosen a good cruise line and a booking company that offers good deals. Both have a good reputation so I'm sure you will be able to change it, although not sure they will just refund his deposit without booking something else.
I hope your chat goes well, good luck.
Happy birthday xx

My heart bleeds for you, OP, thoughts, and prayers.

Surely this post is a joke 😂

Ya reckon 😂

What is it with adults and 'big birthdays' ? I get that some people like the fuss and attention [and social media photo shite] BUT... even so...
Accept it with the decency it deserves, your dh has tried to something really nice for you.

OP is still failing to see that she IS partly responsible for this not going how she though it would though. She needs to learn to either stop doing surprises, or at the least give more specific clues/be less fussy with what she is given. Her poor OH is fighting a losing battle trying to please her it seems!

I’m hurt for him. Hope he realises how grabby you are and acts accordingly.

"I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough "

How many times do we read the same thing? People thinking that what they want is obvious and their partner thinking something completely different... and to be fair, it's usually the women thinking their feelings are obvious and not needing to be stated and the men being oblivious (and then upset when they're blamed for their stupidity afterwards). Although in this case he has also acted without any discussion.

Who knows why your partner has chosen this holiday option? Maybe he thinks you'd appreciate doing something different for a change. Both of you have made assumptions about something that seems important - just bloody talk to each other!

Tell people what you want/feel/think. Do it because you can but you can't just 'understand better' . What possible reason do you have for not telling someone?

Honestly, poor communication is at the heart of so many relationship problems, and it's so easy to solve. If you share your life with someone you should be able to talk to them rather than relying on "I just thought it was obvious"

EmilyTJP go do one love, noone care about your ageist shit. You might be 60 one day then people can take the piss.