Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

1 I would assume he wanted to do something special and different, rather than replicate the trip you organised for his birthday and risk being viewed as thoughtless and unimaginative.

2 What the fuck with the appalling ageism on this site and from some posters on this thread in particular. As though people over 60 are stupid and out of touch and their opinions don’t matter. It’s rude and ignorant and unpleasant.

3 Virgin cruises is unlikely to be filled with the dreaded over-60s. It’s positioning itself as the cool younger sibling of the stuffier cruise lines (tattoo parlour on board etc). Cruising’s not my thing but the Resilient Lady has been in my town a few times recently and looks pretty nice cruising past my house.

Doesn't a cruise fit your hints? It's adults only and all inclusive. I think you'd have been disappointed to have nothing on your birthday even if you knew youd be going away later in the year. Just tell him

You wanted to go away for your birthday. But didn't specify where to?

Your DH has booked a trip which enorporated a city from your wish list.

I think he's done well.

Based on what you have said, I think you would be unreasonable to say anything. Just go and enjoy yourself....you never know, you might love the other city, maybe not flying will be a surprising but welcome change and maybe the cruise will have spectacular views you would never otherwise have seen.

Isn’t it amazing how far we’ve come in the last 20 or 30 years, back then at that age it was about saving for a deposit for a house or if you were lucky to have a house by then, it was saving to get the house decorated - carpets, curtains, furniture, etc - doing it all bit by bit.

Now for a 30th birthday it’s several days in a five star hotel!

Virgin voyages is a fab cruise line. Have a look on their website to see all the things you can do on board. That may be why he picked one with only two locations, so you could do all the fun things onboard.

She mentioned she wanted to visit Amsterdam, wanted to do a cruise and wanted 5 star. He hit them. Sure she also hinted at other things but how is he to know which would be the priority for the OP’s 30th birthday.

I think people calling him thoughtless are being unfair to OP’s husband.

Give up milestones b..s and you sound so selfish.try a trip to Gaza or Ukraine.theyd love your problems

It just seems one of those things to me. You had it in your head of exactly what you wanted and hadn't been specific enough in your comments to your husband. Your husband picks up on the city mentioned, thinks he should book something a bit different to the norm and has done exactly that.

Really you should have made it explicitly clear that you wanted an all inclusive, adults only BEACH holiday in the sun. But your husband has tried to inject an element of something a bit different to the norm - ie a cruise.

If you really don't want your birthday holiday expense spent on this form of break then yes you need to speak with him and see what the options are for changing to something specific that you do want. This may involve forfeiting the deposit.

I agree that other people not getting a card is not relevant and that is not what I was commenting on.

I was commenting on the post I quoted in which OP appears to be suggesting that she is the type of woman to speak up and more of us do the same. When the reality is she didn’t speak up, then got upset at the failed mind reading and then insinuates her husband shit because he booked a cruise (something they had both said they would like to do).

But booking a surprise holiday, to a destination that OP wanted to go to no less, IS a higher expectation. The gap between ‘no card’ and this is a chasm.

When your expectations are a pinpoint bullseye then you’re being unreasonable to expect someone to hit the mark perfectly.

If you’re asking someone to hit that pinpoint mark perfectly AND it be a surprise, then your expectations are unreasonable and you should look at adjusting what you feel gratitude for and value in life.

tbh I’m not going to suck it up. I think this is a terrible thing to instill in women. How long have the women on here with shit husbands been sucking it up?
I know, right?! He booked you a cruise after you told him to surprise you with one.
Utter bastard.
Get him told.
🙄🤣

Him booking a holiday as a surprise that you would not have chosen doesn't make him a shit anything

Quite. It's a gift, from him to OP, for her birthday.

I can't quite understand how showing gratitude for a gift from one person to another, which isn't exactly what the recipient would have preferred, can be described as 'sucking it up'

Go with it. Variety is the spice of life.

You know you like beach holidays which you can always go on. But this is something new you might actually like. I did a mini one and loved it! And mine had a variety of age groups and lots to do.

If you don't like it you can tell him after. Say thanks for the surprise but you probs wouldn't do it again.

No hurt feelings
No repeat trip
New experience

Oh read her posts, will you?

Meanwhile I did not get a card on my birthday. Seriously suck it up or book your own trip and pay for it yourself

Surely if he booked online there’s a 14 day cooling off with no financial penalty?

Think about it.

Personally I would say to him , look it’s not what I want let’s cancel and book what I do actually want but I really appreciate you trying.

A man would do that, women are programmed to just suck it up.

No 14 day cooling off does not apply to travel bookings, not unless the travel provider offers it anyway, but it isn’t granted under law.

"Presumably because most people posting are over the age of 60."

Oh dear. What a presumptuous comment.

Oh but apparently she did waffle on at one point about how much she loves the feel of sand between her toes!

An aside....but based on where we live pretty much all of our trips start with at least a 1.5 ferry crossing, on often choppy seas. It's the price we pay for living in a lovely location.

I didn't, but that might be because my exH was a tight fisted twat who refused to even buy us a hot drink or any food while we were there cos it was cheaper back on the ferry. He also refused to go into any museums just wanted to spend the day walking too and from where the coach dropped us off. By the end of the day pissed off and freezing cold I went to McDonald's and made him buy me a Mc chicken sandwich. I would however like to go back and see more of it because it was a lovely place.

"Presumably because most people posting are over the age of 60."

Oh dear. What a presumptuous comment.

Yep. Also ageist - so what? Have seen negative comments on posters age creeping in more and more on MN posts.

Under 60 BTW