Disappointed with birthday trip

[Holidaybluees]

NC as I’m ashamed of how I’m feeling. DP booked us a cruise for my milestone birthday this summer. It’s going to two city locations in Europe. He’s put a lot of thought into it and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. I’m incredibly grateful he’s booked something but I’m so sad at the same time. For his milestone birthday last year I took him to Europe (beach holiday) and we went to a water park as he loves them. 5 star all inclusive adults only hotel. The cruise he’s booked is adult only but we only get less than a full day in each location.

I love a beach holiday and water sports like jet skiing so whilst I’m so grateful I’m so confused about what he’s booked. My birthday is in the summer so I said I didn’t mind going away later in the year when flights are cheaper. I assumed this made it clear I wanted a beach holiday (like for like) but clearly I wasn’t clear enough as there’s no flights involved for my trip.

I don’t know what to do and I’ve felt a bit teary today as it feels like he doesn’t know me at all. One of the places we’re going to is on my list of holidays but it’s not where I’d go for a big birthday. I have no interest in the other city. I don’t know if I can say anything to him without seeming like a bitch but I’m so deflated. Should I say something or suck it up?

@Holidaybluees
I wonder if you would be able to transfer the holiday to a different location with the same company - the Croatian coast in September would be lovely.
Stick with the cruise idea, but ask how he would feel about a sunnier location.
Or if he was more about the destinations ask to change it to a Eurostar trip to give you longer in each place.
Cruise and Amsterdam/Bruges don't really go together for me.

OP could you afford to book a beach break as well and look on the cruise as a bonus break?

If he has any sense he will run for the hills. Unless he is a complete doormat I can assure you that is exactly what he’ll do at some point.

@gothicomedy
Nope. Disagree.
It's costing 100s of £s and it's meant to be for her.

Even if they can't change the booking, she needs to use her voice and say 'Thanks DH, I realise you have put thought into this but next time you book a surprise holiday please can I give you examples of where I would like to go'

Personally, I wouldn't spend 100s of £s on anything without telling my DH, because it's a lot of money that we can't afford to squander on unnecessary things/trips. He would do the same to me because we're a team.

Well, that's certainly one perspective.

It's not "thoughtful" if there was an agreement that they would book a holiday for each other and the OP has already done her half of the agreement! It's just a task.

But in the OP's case they have multiple holidays/breaks every year and she's annoyed because this isn't exactly what she wanted. And how is a holiday a 'surprise' if she gives her dp a list of where she'd like to go?

It just all sounds a bit petulant and childish to me. Either she wants a surprise or she doesn't. If she wants to be in complete control, then book it herself.

I think when we reach adulthood we put way too much emphasis on a day that is just an anniversary of you being born. We don't bother. we do something for the kids. They get presents and in reception they have a party. And then all other years we just do presents, cake and maybe a play date or trip out to somewhere local. As an adult, it's really not needed.

Fair play if that's what you want to do. But, I wouldnt get upset and throw a tantrum or have a talk over something someone has spent a lot of time sorting out for me.

I'm saying that as, it's my birthday today and I couldn't really care! The kids drew me a card each and I was thrilled with that.

So, other than calling this bollocks, you don't have anything constructive to say?

Anyway, we agreed to surprise each other for our 30th birthdays.

my idea of hell is a "surprise" of any description. It seems pointless. It's the sort of thing of movies and soaps where it's all wonderful and the person gets exactly the holiday experience they wanted. In the real world, it's just a recipe for disaster, the giver guessing and normally getting it wrong and the recipient having to pretend they love whatever it is but feeling mighty pissed off not only that the experience wasn't really what they were hoping for, but the irritation that their other half wasn't a mind reader and didn't hit the mark,

if I were you I'd go with an open mind, put it down to experience and vow that you'll agree with your DP that surprises don't work for you and that there's more fun choosing somewhere together.

Cruise and Amsterdam/Bruges don't really go together for me

They go together perfectly well, I recently did a German river cruise which also included with an overnight in Amsterdam. It was great fun wandering around Amsterdam sample some of the local delicacies (edibles) and going to back to ship giggling. Sightseeing in the outskirts of Amsterdam was also really interesting.

But was there an agreement? Or did the OP just go ahead and book a holiday (the type of holiday she enjoys) for her partner, and then pressure him to do the same for her? I know they agreed to surprise each other, but what was the exact agreement? The 'surprise' had to be a holiday?

I'm a big believer in telling people not to deny themselves their emotions - so I get it that you feel the way you do. 🤗

But listen, you can lounge by the cruise ships pool, you can get off and wander around the cities/towns you visit.

Go and make the best of it - and then plan your beach holiday for the next holiday. 😀

Oh dear, I have just seen where you say the cruise is stopping at.

Amsterdam is not usually a few hours - you won't be able to do half the things one would usually see / do in Amsterdam. It's a 2/3/4 night city break.

I guess you expected something like a 7 night all inclusive in Turkey ?

Please tell him. How much is the deposit ? Would it be the end of the world if the deposit was lost ?

Hi OP, I completely understand why you’re disappointed as I would be the same. I also think 30 is a milestone birthday, we are celebrating ours this year and are also making a fuss as do most people we know! I know the destinations may not be what you had in mind but just wanted to tell you that I went on a VV cruise last year and absolutely loved it. We went a different route but the weather wasn’t great despite a couple hot days but the ship itself and entertainment onboard was amazing. The food is great, the staff are fantastic and the experience is incredible! We loved it so much we have booked to do another one this year. I know it isn’t what you had in mind but I wanted you to know the ship experience itself is fantastic

Colin Farrell was my thoughts exactly 🤣🤣🤣

@lifeturnsonadime

I think we agree. Thoughtful surprises are good.

Maybe it's the money that was spent on this holiday 'for her' that I am baulking at.

I just think if you can only afford 1 or 2 holidays a year, they shouldn't be surprises.

What is all this ‘missing the mark’ rubbish?
If anything other than the holiday you want is unacceptable to you, you should have been explicit about what you expected him to book. It’s not a test for him to pass and nor is it a case of your husband ‘not knowing you’. Perhaps he’s just planned something different that he thinks will be a new and fun experience. Be thankful he made the effort, go along with an open mind and you might be surprised. You can have a beach holiday any year. And 30 isn’t a milestone birthday so learn from this if it upsets you that much, and be very clear about what you’d like as a gift when you do eventually reach one!

It is not the same.
A man complaining he never guest massages or flowers from his wife would be ludicrous.
A woman shocked and outraged that a man was a bit hesitant about taking her name would be similar.

Right but he isn’t really a shit husband is he? He just got a holiday wrong. He might be a bit daft at worst.

I’d hardly say this was in truly « shit husband » territory. Unless there is backstory you aren’t telling us?

Previous posts suggest OP doesn't go short on holidays.

Honestly the way you're carrying on I thought you'd be turning 18, not 30. It's the effort he has made that counts, you sound so ungrateful and really hard work.

Not the point of the thread but locals generally hate the phenomenon of cruise tourists. They contribute relatively little to the tourist economy, crowd the streets, bustle in and out and don’t add much value to the area.

I can’t imagine doing Amsterdam this way.

Anyway, we agreed to surprise each other for our 30th birthdays. Personally I hate surprises

Well that was a stupid idea then.

I've said plenty of constructive stuff on the thread. What's constructive about saying 'but what if the genders were reversed'?